Life goes on
by dreamandlive
Summary: Michael and Claudia have reached a point of no return. The only solution seems to be separation. Unless life has the good idea to change all that.
1. Chapter 1 - The unexpected

_Here we go! That's my season 7 suite._  
 _Always with Claudia Joy and Michael of course, but how are they going to manage their future?_  
 _To find out, only one solution: read this new story, "Life goes on"._  
 _I write 20 chapters in french, so I will published them in english as and when._  
 _Good read to you and_ _do not hesitate to tell me what you really think._  
 _Chapter 2 arrive soon._  
 _See you soon._

* * *

Claudia was at her desk working when Michael came home from the ceremony. He had a pale face. He let his wife work and went up to change. He then went to his own office to read the newspaper. As two hours passed, he noticed that he was reading the first paragraph of the front page of the newspaper in a loop. He leaned against his seat. Then we knocked on the door. Michael got up to go open. Claudia was absorbed by the hearing that was taking place the following week, she had to have an impeccable record and prepared her argument with great care. She had not even heard a knock. Michael opened the door and was more than surprised to see Kat Young in front of him.

M: Colonel? But ...  
K: I'm sorry to disturb you but ... I came to see Claudia Joy.

Michael glanced at Claudia's desk. He sighed.

M: She works and I do not think it's a good idea.  
K: Listen I'm sorry for what happened, but I'm even more sorry about Claudia's reaction and what's going on between you.

Michael wanted to avoid his answer, which he did.

M: I learned this morning that I am deployed tomorrow for a two-week mission to Iraq.  
K: What?  
M: You'll understand that I can not leave that cold between me and Claudia while I'm leaving. I can not stand going mad with her, even if ...  
K: Even if what?

Michael understood at that moment that he felt a lot of anger towards Claudia. He loved her passionately, but in recent weeks it had been complicated, Claudia had not realized the situation and what had happened between him and Kat Young had not helped things. He did not understand how his wife had been so cut off from the army, and in a way from himself.

M: Even if I think that everything will not be settled in one evening ...  
K: Exactly, let me talk to him, what will it change?  
M: I'm afraid that given what she felt, that she shines even more.

Colonel Young sighed, looking at Michael tenderly. Even though she knew that their problem did not come from her at first, everything was getting worse by her fault. She entered the Holden house and headed for Claudia's office.

M: Colonel no, this ...

Michael closed the door with a big apprehension of the next few minutes. He heard Kat Young start the conversation with Claudia. He arrived to explain to Claudia what was happening.

K: Claudia Joy, I'm sorry about ...  
C: Colonel Young ... what are you doing at home?  
M: Claudia, honey, I'm sorry, we were talking outside and ...  
C: Leave Michael, I'll take care of it.

Michael thought that everything was over, that Claudia was going to ask him to leave, that she was going to accuse him of this scheme and everything was going to get worse. He was wrong.

K: I had to come and talk to you. I know you have some concerns right now, but I also know that what has happened lately has made all this worse.  
C: Michael, do you explain to me how a colleague is aware of personal and private worries?

Michael felt a hint of accusation in his wife's voice.

M: You confide in Denise, Roland, when something is wrong. I confide in colleagues and trusted friends ...

Claudia did not retort, she could not blame Michael for confiding as she does with her friends. The colonel took the opportunity to resume the conversation.

K: That's why I wanted to apologize. I wanted to come talk to you the other day but ...  
C: Let's say I did not have the particular desire to talk to the woman that my husband to kiss.  
K: With all due respect, the general did nothing wrong. I talked to Ms. Sherwood about it, hoping that-  
C: I know what you said to Denise actually. What I would like to know is why?

Claudia's eyes passed from Michael to the Colonel with some questioning.

K: I ... I think your husband is sincerely for nothing.  
C: Listen, we'll settle that between us. I do not think you are the best person who can afford to come and talk about this here. I'll ...  
K: Yet it's the truth.

Claudia was beginning to suspect that Michael had arranged this little interview for them to meet up as before. She looked at her husband, looking disappointed.

M: Claudia, I have not stopped telling you. I know you had an important seminar the next day and you had something else to think about but we should have listened and discussed clearly.  
C: Do not put it back on the carpet please, you know very well that ...

Kat Young cut her off.

K: I'm not here to help your husband or to apologize to you. Just know that after the death of my husband, I never found anyone to share my life with. I had made myself this idea. But when I arrived here, I began to feel what I had felt for a long time for a man.

Claudia felt a certain betrayal. That another woman could even feel a weak feeling for Michael disturbed her. They had never been mistaken despite what they had been able to endure one and the other, despite the long separations, the shouting. She remembered a conversation with Michael where he told her that the only person who had the right to love him, to prove him, to tell him, was herself. He was a man of his word. Claudia began to see in another way what she had seen that night.

K: And no, I did not choose that it be your husband. It could have fallen on anyone. The other night we were working when it happened. We needed to work on a file and I was going to leave when you arrived at the Headquarters.

Claudia looked away, remembering the scene.

K: I am the one who kissed your husband. He quickly saw that you were there and I understood it quickly by feeling the strength and anger with which he put me in my place.

Claudia looked back at Michael. Denise was right. Never a woman who loves another's husband would apologize and tell the truth if she really wanted to put the doubt in a couple and cause separation. Claudia realized that she had behaved inappropriately. She also realized that her way of seeing things and reacting had changed since she had returned to work. She did not realize she had neglected Michael. She would understand it later. She looked at the Colonel again when she spoke again.

K: Right after we had a discussion with the general and know that it is impossible for him not to live near you.  
C: I know ...

She answered with such sincerity that Michael realized that Claudia had thought about it and that a discussion would undoubtedly be possible with her.

K: Well, I ... I'll let you work. See you soon.  
M: I'm going with you.

Michael wanted to avoid the look of his wife. Kat Young turned back and stepped out of the doorway without Claudia having time to answer. Michael went outside too.

K: You have a wonderful wife Michael ...  
M: I know ...  
K: A lot of people would have had a bad behavior towards me and what I could do to their couple. I hope my words will have the desired impact and that you can discuss.  
M: Whatever the result, I have to do it because I could not leave with this cold between us. I thank you all the same.  
K: So I hope everything will be settled quickly.

Michael nodded. Kat Young left leaving Michael alone in his reflection. For her part Claudia remained speechless. Denise was right. She put her head in her hands. She looked down at her computer. Michael thought his wife would come talk to him immediately. But in the face of Claudia's silence, he was disappointed and thought that she had just returned to work. He went upstairs preparing his bag for the next day. He picked up the file he was storing in a dresser drawer. He sighed, as every time Claudia had to read it again. Michael held his will in his hands. He had an electroshock. No matter why Claudia did not talk to him, he needed to make a difference. Once his bag was near and tidied up in a corner, he sat down on the seat that was in a corner of the room, facing the door. He put the file on the little table next to it and took his head in his hands. This situation was complicated and he had never experienced such a thing. He wondered how it was possible to live this kind of thing after 24 years of life together, so many happiness and misfortunes experienced. He knew that a military family was not a family like the others, a certain strength emanated from these families. Few were willing to accept that the spouse leave as often, have such a risky job and be transferred to a lifetime as often. Claudia had accepted him and held this family and their lives with an iron hand. It was impossible to imagine that everything would stop now, the eve of yet another deployment. Suddenly he saw Claudia in the cable of the door. He got up and wanted to explain himself.

M: Honey ...  
C: It's not worth explaining yourself. I think I owe you an apology.

Michael was taken aback.

M: Claudia, I can not take any more of this.  
C: I know ... everything is complicated for me too, know it. Do not think it's easy to feel how I feel about the man I've been in for 24 years. For anyway, I love you Michael. Just now, it's a difficult time and I have not managed everything. And so that makes me question.

Michael took his wife in his arms. He kissed her in the neck, inhaled her perfume, and kissed her on the cheek. He pulled away from her and looked straight into her eyes.

M: I love you, so much.

Then he put his lips on hers and kissed him with a lot of tenderness. Everyone felt tremendous relief. They then took each other's arms and squeezed each other. Claudia was shaken with a sob. Michael tightened his embrace.

C: I'm sorry Michael, I ... I did not know how to come talk to you or what to say to you. But I should have done it and we could have avoided those days impossible to live.  
M: Tell me ...

They broke away and Claudia wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She then stared at her husband.

C: I should have listened to you before going to seminary. I should have trusted you as I always did and know from the start that you were there for nothing. But I was taken by my files, the trials to come.  
M: I can not blame you for reacting as you did ...  
C: Denise opened my eyes but Colonel Young too ... I felt what you must have felt when I announced to you that Chandler had kissed me almost three years ago. You reacted rather violently but you came to talk to me quickly.  
M: I obviously thought about it. You were hurt and you felt betrayed, because that's what I felt when you told me about it.

Claudia nodded.

C: But my reaction has been beyond the bounds of reasonableness to the situation. Forgive me.  
M: I'm sorry for what happened, even if it's not me who provoked it. I'm sorry for hurting you anyway.

They took each other in their arms. Michael realized that even though Claudia had understood the point, she did not see that she had been too busy with her job, and that everything had started from there.

M: I'm so relieved.  
C: Me too. I know the climate is a little tense at the moment between us but everything will be better soon.  
M: Okay.

Michael did not dare to light the fire by telling him that she was working too much, that she was still missing, that she was missing. Even though he still felt that anger in him, he put it aside. The next day he went on a mission and wanted his departure to go at best. Claudia noticed her bag of loan. She understood quickly.

C: Michael are you leaving?  
M: I think we'll know faster than we think if everything will be better or not. Honey, I'm deployed tomorrow.

Claudia was shocked.

M: I'm leaving for two weeks in Iraq with three other three-star generals.  
C: But ... why?  
M: On an observation mission during which it is necessary to verify if the mission on the ground is respected by the army of the United States in general. Each division has a particular mission when it arrives on the ground, but the army has one and the same mission in the end. We must see where we are and if everything is respected. I join Kevin on the field.  
C: You ... will you be on the ground?  
M: Yes. I will be before all in the base camps, see where everyone is and then go check on the field actions and results. The Pentagon wants a complete and detailed report on the progress of this mission set up several years ago.

The shock of the announcement passed, Claudia was surprised to find that no she no longer had this heavy anxiety to Michael. Of course she was now worried about him, but that fear that had not left him for several years was no longer there.

C: Did you leave only two weeks?  
M: Yes, only two weeks. It's really not long, knowing that right now it's a division other than Fort Marshall that's on the ground and is being repatriated little by little, so I do not have to be there long.  
C: Okay.

Claudia put a hand on Michael's cheek. She smiled at him.

C: Everything will be fine, I'm sure.  
M: I know.  
C: Still, I'm just asking you to come back, safe and sound.  
M: At your orders Master.

It snatched a laugh from both of them. Then their eyes locked and their lips were. They found themselves after these long weeks of solitude. They found their tenderness, their complicity, their attention full of sweetness, their love. They fell asleep in each other's arms, relieved to have been able to reconcile. The next morning, Michael was to welcome the two other generals who were doing the mission with him. He then made an appointment with Claudia on the tarmac of the base airport at 14h. He had also phoned his daughter to warn her. He had not planned to see her arrive in his office at lunchtime.

M: Emmalin?  
E: Dad! I wanted to come see you before you left. I have always been there every time you leave.  
M: When did you arrive?  
E: I took the first plane after you phoned me. I arrived about an hour ago. I was to see Denise quickly and then I came here after.  
M: Your mother is not aware in this case ...  
E: No  
M: Emmalin, you can not stay angry with your mother, it's not possible.  
E: We're not mad dad, I'm just struggling to swallow what happened a few weeks ago.  
M: I know, did you talk to her again?  
E: No, we have not seen each other since his trip back, remember.  
M: Emmalin, honey, do you realize that it'll be two months soon?

Michael did not understand the situation. He remembered the problems with Emmalin during his adolescence, especially after the departure of his older sister. Claudia had been her confidante, and had to manage the crises between her daughter and her father. Nobody could have imagined that a few years later, the opposite would take place.

E: I know. I do not even know how we got there. She told you about it?  
M: You know we were cold lately.  
E: Yes I know dad. Besides, how are you?  
M: Better. Anyway you know I can not leave being angry with you or with your mother, so we had to put things flat yesterday.  
E: And?  
M: Everything is much better. Denise was able to open your eyes to your mother and Kat was talked to her too. Even if there are still things to talk about, everything is better.  
E: For everything?  
M: Not totally. I did not dare speak to him about his work.  
E: You should have. You'll leave without talking to her and ...  
M: Exactly, I think distance is my best ally this time.  
E: Are you sure?

Michael took his daughter in his arms. He had clung more and more to Emmalin since entering university. She was his one and only daughter now and wanted to make the most of it before she finally fled to her adult life.

M: I'm leaving only two weeks. There will be no problem.  
E: I know dad, but I hope you're right. That's why I wanted to see you.  
M: And I'm delighted. Now, promise me that you will not leave tomorrow without talking to your mother.  
E: Do not worry, I planned to go home after you left anyway.  
M: Okay. When is the end of year party?  
E: Next Saturday. We finish the exams Thursday. Then we put away the dormitories, Saturday will be our party, we finish tidying up on Sunday and Monday morning, we have the inspection. I return Monday afternoon, normally mom will pick me up.  
M: You know with your mother we are really very proud of you. Knowing that you were admitted in fourth and final year thanks to your previous exams, we were so happy.  
E: It's true that I do not have to worry about my exam results for the next few days, but I want to increase my total score in the end. This will allow me to have more choices of specialized schools following what I chose to do. And when you think of my beginnings, it was not the big success, and we were far from imagining where I will be now.  
M: The most important thing was that you managed to lift your head out of the water, you kept moving forward and you did not let go. You were admitted in the second year just because you had really worked hard the last semester. But then you became one of the best of your promotion, not to mention that you are now in hiccups. You can be very proud of yourself.  
E: Thanks dad. It's true that I'm happy. But without you and mom, I will not be here.

We knocked on Michael's door. He was expected to have lunch with the other two generals who had arrived at the base. He kissed his daughter and told him to come on the tarmac earlier. Emmalin then went to lunch with Denise as planned. Claudia, on the other hand, had worked all morning. She wanted to see Denise, but Jackie had gotten her out and offered to have lunch at her place. She did not send a message to Denise and she just said that she will go for a cup of tea in the afternoon with her best friend.

C: Thanks for your invitation Jackie.  
J: Oh do not thank me. Kevin has lunch with Michael and the other generals this afternoon. When I saw you go out, I thought it would be nice to have lunch with a friend.  
C: You are absolutely right.  
J: So how does his Michael leave earlier?  
C: Hmm ... he told me last night, just after he knew it.  
J: You managed to talk to you?  
C: Yes, we put some things flat. Let's say it's better.  
J: Claudia, you were hurt. We understand that Michael did not agree with what happened, but despite the words of Denise ...  
C: I know, I have to have a discussion with her too, to apologize.  
J: Claudia, listen, I'm going to talk to you as a friend, I'll never tell you what to do because I do not have an order to give you an agreement? But when your friends tell you all the same thing, it's usually because they're right ... especially when your husband did not live very well.

Claudia does not see where Jackie is coming from. She came to Emmalin.

C: Everything is not really in order ... Emmalin wants me for a number of things and I can not blame her for that. Michael is leaving for a couple of weeks, she will not be home until the following weekend.  
J: What does Michael think?  
C: He is assigned of course. Five years ago, it was he who was cold with his daughter. He knows very well what one feels. Emmalin is a young woman now with her own way of seeing things and let's not forget that she is a Holden.  
J: Of course it's more complicated to manage especially since it is far away.  
C: Exactly. I'll see if Michael heard from him later. I would like to talk to him again before he leaves.  
J: Claudia you know, I'll be you I'm not going to worry too much. We have a mother, and sooner or later Emmalin will come back to you and everything will return to order believe me.  
C: So everything is better with Sophie?  
J: Yes, we have discussed a lot and everything is going well. She has the same character as her father anyway so I expect everyone from him.  
C: Emmalin is all his father too. She just inherited my eyes and hair.

Jackie and Claudia laughed.

C: She has the same temperament and character as her father. As much as I have always managed to manage Michael and his impulsiveness, moreover he has calmed down with the years. Emmalin is still young and it's more complicated for a girl. But she is still going to ripen and I know it will serve her well in life.  
J: I'm sure of it.  
C: She's the complete opposite of what her sister was. Michael kept saying that Amanda was all about me.  
J: According to the photos that are at home, not his eyes.

Claudia smiles at this idea.

C: Yes, I remember when she was born, Michael was on a mission. I had it on the phone a few hours later and I told him that, according to my mother she looked like two drops of water, except for one thing, her eyes, which she had as blue as him. He was so moved.

Claudia looked away. Everything was so far away. Jackie changed her conversation because she felt that Claudia was not necessarily going very well after those cold days with Michael and all that time without seeing Emmalin. So remembering her eldest daughter was still so painful. She then asked her for news of her parents, and asked if she had any of Roland and Joan.

C: My parents are doing very well. It is also planned to go see them next month. After my trip, we could not see each other, so we are looking forward to this weekend.  
J: Denise told me about your parents, she told me that they arrived here without warning and that they were about to divorce.  
C: Oh my god ... this story made me crazy. But everything ended well. But everything is always very informative.  
J: Absolutely. I do not get along well with my in-laws. They would have liked Kevin to marry a woman who has no connection with the army. Already that they never saw their son, they were afraid that the army alone governs our life. Despite the years that have passed, there has always been this cold between us.  
C: It's a shame.  
J: Yes I know, but we never took the time to really talk.  
C: You make me think of my mother when she learned that we were getting married to Michael. She had a bad image of the army you see the kind of husband who leaves for years on mission, the woman who raises her children all alone, the very rigid side, finally you see what I mean. And she told me she would not come to my wedding. Michael was talked to him and told him sincerely things. Now, my mother loves her son-in-law. Even if we do not see each other very often.  
J: That's good. And your in-laws?  
C: I see them even less often than my parents. To tell you, I saw them once when Michael introduced me to them, a second time for our wedding, a third time for Amanda's first Christmas, and one last time at Amanda's funeral. Knowing that that day they did not even come to talk to us.  
J: Why do not you see yourself so often?  
C: Michael is the youngest of four siblings. His elder brother Patrick is a doctor, the second George is a lawyer and the third Peter is a police officer. They all live in the same state as their parent. When Michael chose the army, they were so proud. They had talked to everyone in the neighborhood. Only, with all of Michael's transfers, they discovered the less positive side of the military. They then got closer to their other three children and had news of Michael only by phone. I tried more than once to make them come but had complicated. But Michael was going to see them generally before each departure on a mission he was going back and forth in two days. But he never spoke to me about it. And since we are in Fort Marshall, he has never done it again. The last time he went to see them something happened, but Michael never told me anything. Whenever I try to talk about all this, Michael changes the subject.  
J: You know I think it's a little bit the same with my in-laws. And then the army shapes us in a way that makes our entourage move away little by little.  
C: Exactly. The army takes all the place.  
J: Some people can not manage it. How is Roland doing?  
It's very good. He is very happy with this new way of life. Joan had trouble acclimatizing but now everything is fine. We are so worried about the day of retirement.  
J: Yes, but in the end, I think we quickly get used to his new life, without constraint, without order, without getting up at five o'clock to go jogging, without a weekend of work, no more no departure on mission .  
C: Seen how you talk to me it makes you want to actually. Kevin already thought about it?  
J: Once, after the hurricane. But the men needed him and this one-night discussion never came back on the table again.  
C: Michael also thought about it, after Amanda's departure, and when the base was finally supposed to have been dissolved. But now he's aiming for a fourth star.  
J: I remember once a shouting with Kevin. He asked me what proof of love I wanted, I told him to leave the army. He had almost done it.  
C: Michael once told me that if one day everything went very badly between us, and if the only way to keep me with him was to leave the army, he would do it.  
J: We see them hard like that, but basically every soldier has a great sensitivity in him.

Claudia nodded. After a good lunch with a friend, Claudia went to join Michael on the tarmac. When she arrived, she was affected to see her daughter near him. She did not know how to talk with Emmalin. Franck was there to accompany this departure, so Denise was there. She saw Claudia arrive and walked towards her.

D: Claudia ...  
C: Hey Denise.  
D: I understand that everything was better with Michael?  
C: Yes, we could talk to each other last night but ... how come Emmalin is here?  
D: Michael warned him of his departure, she arrived in the late morning by taking the first plane to Charleston. She asked me to pick her up. Claudia, you have to talk to her.  
C: I know Denise, I know ...

Claudia had tears in her eyes. Her daughter had preferred to ask Denise rather than have her own mother pick her up at the airport.

D: She came home and had lunch with me at noon, she talked to me a lot. I also know that after Michael leaves, she will come to your place. She told me that she wanted to talk to you and make sure everything worked out. Because she does not want her father to be on a mission knowing his wife and daughter are cold.  
C: I did not speak to Michael again. But following this story with Kat Young, I did not have the words to talk to her.  
D: I know. Listen Claudia, Emmalin is here, it can only work out.

Claudia nodded and walked to her husband and daughter.

C: Emmalin? What are you doing here honey?

Claudia approached her, extending her arms. Emmalin simply kissed him and went to his father's side.

E: Hello mom. I came to say goodbye to dad.  
C: You should have called me, I'll be ...  
E: I managed not to worry.

Michael sighed and gave his daughter big eyes. According to him she could make an effort. He then saw that Claudia was really struggling with all this. He approached him by grabbing his waist and kissing her on the temple. He whispered in her ear.

M: Do not worry, it'll be fine.

Claudia nodded and rested her head against her husband's shoulder. This short moment was soon repealed by the arrival of the other two generals, General Suntman, General Ownfall.

M: General Suntman and General Ownfall, I introduce my wife, Claudia Joy and my daughter, Emmalin.  
GS: Nice to meet you. You're lucky Holden.

It snatched a laugh from everyone.

Go: Hello. In any case, you have a very pretty base. Mrs. Holden, you must be proud of your husband.  
C: I am indeed.  
GS: We are honored to be able to serve this mission with him. You have a reputation that goes beyond South Carolina, know it.  
M: Thank you General. I hope our flight conditions are optimal.

The pilot of the plane came to warn them that it was time to board.

GO: Mrs. Holden, Emmalin, glad to have met you, see you soon.  
C: Thank you General, see you soon.

The latter turned to Franck and Denise who accompanied him a few meters before seeing General Suntman also arrive. They both went to the plane. Michael took a few seconds to say goodbye to his wife and daughter. He put his anger and the worries of last weeks of sides to forget about it, he would solve all that by returning.

M: Emmalin sweetie, good luck with the exams and wish you a good feast for next week, Michael sent him with a wink.  
E: Papa ...  
M: Remember what I told you earlier.  
E: Do not worry, a promise is a promise.  
M: Okay. Come on here.

He took his daughter in his arms, he kissed her on the cheek.

M: I love you.  
E: Me too dad. A in three weeks.

Emmalin detached himself from his father and joined Denise and Franck, who was waiting farther. Michael then took Claudia in his arms.

M: Honey, I am really relieved that everything is back in order before I leave.

He pressed her against him.

M: I love you.

He pulled away from her and took his face in his hands.

C: Me too I love you Michael. Pay attention to you.

He came to lay his lips on Claudia's and kissed him with a lot of love and tenderness. After one last hug, and one last kiss, Michael disappeared on the plane. But Claudia knew he was coming back in two weeks, that was nothing compared to the long deployments that Michael could do. Denise came towards her.

D: Sa will go?  
C: Yes, do not worry. It was a long time since Michael had been deployed. But we manage much better now.  
D: That's good. Do you want to come and have tea at home?  
C: I will spend the late afternoon with pleasure. Just the time to put away some files and Michael's office.  
D: Okay, see you later.

They had arrived at the saw Emmalin with his suitcase.

E: Denise, I'm going home with mom.  
D: Okay, my dear, how you want.  
E: Thank you for this morning.  
D: You're welcome, that's normal.

Emmalin gave Denise a kiss and she put her suitcase in the trunk of her mother's car before getting into the passenger seat at the front and closing the door. Claudia was surprised but glad that her daughter was coming back with her.

D: See you later.  
C: Okay.

They kissed each other, then Denise returned with Franck and Claudia with Emmalin. In the car, Claudia tried to approach her daughter.

C: Did your flight go well?  
E: Hmm hum, very good.  
C: Daddy who warned you?  
E: Yes, this morning at the first hour.  
C: You know, you could have phoned me, I will have come to get you without any problem.  
E: Um well ... I preferred to go to Denise this morning before going to see Dad in the office to have a discussion with him.  
C: A discussion ... if you need to talk you know I'm here too.  
E: Oh good? Well, it's new then ...

Claudia took this sentence like a slap in the face.

C: Emmalin I ...

Claudia sighed.

C: Let it go, I do not want to get angry with you, not now when your father is gone.

They arrived in front of the house.

E: Yeah, well, we'll have to talk to each other anyway!

Emmalin came out, slammed the door of the car and entered the house. Claudia took her daughter's suitcase and put it in the entrance. Emmalin, who had taken a yoghurt in the kitchen, picked her up and went upstairs. Claudia did not know how to take it. She had the impression of having become a perfect stranger in the eyes of her daughter. She knew, however, that it was impossible to discuss with her. She might see tonight. In the meantime, she put away Michael's desk. She sorted out the newspapers that he had left behind, put back the photos, updated his diary and put the papers in the corresponding folder. She liked Michael getting into a perfectly tidy office. She then attacked hers. She had a big pile of files that shewere piled up lately. She put away the files that had been processed in her briefcase, she could go file them in the archives at the office. She left those to be treated on her desk by storing the corresponding papers hanging here and there. As for the new ones who needed various documents, she put them in the drawers of the furniture that was against the wall. Once her desk was tidy, she sat down at her computer. She knew that Michael would only read this email the next day, but she liked to send him a message so that he could read it on his arrival. She knew it made him smile. She was typing this message when her daughter came down. She saw her mother on her computer and imagined she was still working. Even if she did not have very muchWanting to talk to her mother, she had perhaps thought that she would call him and take the first step to settle their cold.

E: Mom?  
C:Oh Emmalin, how are you sweatheart?  
E: I don't believe it ... you ... I'm home for the weekend, and you work ...  
C: No Emmalin, I just sent ...  
E: Of course ...

Emmalin did not let his mother finish her sentence and went up to his room, closing the door rather strongly. Claudia sighed. She decided to act. She went upstairs with her computer and knocked on her daughter's door. She entered without waiting for her daughter's permission. Claudia put her computer on the bed of her daughter, she leaned against the cable of the door. Emmalin looked at his mother and the computer. She put hers next to her and took his mother's on her lap. She then started reading an e-mail that was intended for her father.

" Honey,

I hope that you arrived well. It's been a long time now since you had not been deployed. In spite of all that has happened lately, the house is empty without you. Even if Emmalin is here.

Yes, she wanted to come home this weekend. I was really happy because maybe it will allow us to remove the cold that has settled between us.  
You know, understanding my mistakes with you, I understood mine with her. I know, the past is the past but I wanted to tell you so that you spend a mission serene and without any stress.

Are you paying attention to yourself? Come back to me safe and sound.  
I love you.  
Claudia Joy. "

Emmalin looked up at his mother and frowned. Claudia then went back to her computer and decided to address her daughter with the same harshness in her words as Emmalin could have done to her. So that Emmalin would understand that even if her mother had made mistakes, she never had to talk to her that way, except at that moment.

C: I did not write an email for my work but an email to your father. And that's what I always did when we had a computer at home and the soldiers had a mission on it. This first mail received is very important for him because I like to reassure him and give him a balm to the heart as soon as he arrives on a mission. So now, either you continue to make your head mule, and we continue to talk as badly as now throughout the weekend. Either stop being as stubborn as your father and maybe we can discuss before you leave.

Claudia left even before her daughter had time to say a word. She sat down at her desk and sent the email to Michael. She turned off her computer. She was about to get up from her chair when she heard her daughter arrive in the living room.

E: Mom ...  
C: Yes?

Claudia looked up at her daughter who was coming.

E: I ... I'm sorry for reacting like that. I know I have no excuses, but I'm a little angry with you right now.  
C: I think I understood it given the harshness of the words in your letter ... But why?

Claudia got up from her chair and moved closer to her daughter. Simply, Emmalin raised the tone of the voice without allowing time for a possible explanation between them.

E: You ask me why? No, but in fact, you did not even realize! Leave it alone?

Emmalin was going back to the floor, but Claudia caught him by the arm. She spoke to her with a certain gentleness.

C: Emmalin, her is enough now. Stop reacting so violently every time I talk to you. This is not how we will manage to remove the cold that is between us. So stop.

Emmalin sighed. Her mother made her sit on the couch and Claudia went to his side.

C: I know that I reacted badly to your father after what happened with Colonel Young, but we discussed yesterday and everything is back to normal. Now I understand that you wanted me ...  
E: It's clear that yes ...  
C: Then I would like to apologize to you. I would have had to call you more often, call you with Skype, give you news via messages more often. I was so taken by my job that I blame myself for not having taken more time for you.

Emmalin understood that her mother had never noticed her actions and the consequences of what she had done as a choice lately.

E: Mom, I did not care about your calls or your messages! You say that you were taken by your work, but you do not even react!

She got up from the couch, and faced her mother.

E: Do you realize that we have not seen each other for two months? Did you notice that you preferred to go to meetings, seminars that were strictly for nothing instead of coming to see me? Do you realize that you have nothing to do with me?  
C: Emmalin, how can you say that honey?  
E: But mother opens her eyes, damn it! Your job has completely cornered you, you completely left father, without even noticing. And you did the same with me.  
C: Emmalin, I know that I have been working a lot lately. But ...

Claudia thought back to Michael's words, and found that they were the same as his daughter's. And if Emmalin was right? If she had left Michael aside?

E: In the space of a few weeks, you spent more time at work than at home.

Claudia put her head in her hands.

E: Mom, do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? Dad tried thousands of times you never wanted to listen to him, at least hear him.  
C: Honey, I ... you just opened my eyes ...

E: And?  
C: I do not know how I got there. I just notice that your father left and I could not even talk to him about it.  
E: He told me he would talk to you about it when he came back. And me ?  
C: Honey, you were in college, what happened between your father and I saddened you but everything is back in order now, or at least everything will be in order.

Emmalin sighed. She sat down opposite her mother and stared straight into her eyes.

E: Mom, when you went to Washington with Dad, you preferred to go to lunch with some people, rather than come spend the day with me and come see me play hockey. I remind you anyway that you had gone a year on a journey without being seen. But no, you preferred to accept a role of jury of I do not know what.  
C: Emmalin I ...

E: No, wait, I'm not finished. Two weeks later, I told Dad I was coming on the weekend. I was looking forward to it because I could not wait to spend it with you two. I arrive home and Dad tells me that you had a last minute seminar organized and that you did not want to let your colleague go alone. Whereas we had not seen each other for almost two months. So excuse me for being a little angry.

Claudia had just understood what her daughter was really blaming for. She also understood what Michael had endured.

C: Emmalin I ... I'm so sorry.  
E: Dad loves to come to see me or spend time with me, but what saddened him most was to see that his wife, in this case the mother of his daughter, did not want to spend time with us.  
C: I put my work first and I apologize. I just understood what your father has endured too ...  
E: Dad tried to talk to you about it a few times though.

Claudia looked at her daughter questioningly.

E: He did not ask you once if you thought there would be a place for him in the middle of it all? He even told me that he had pointed out to you that he had this impression that some distance had been made between you. But you did not understand either.

Claudia sighed. She did not understand how she could have come so far. She remembered her arrival at Fort Marshall, her dedication to others, her strong links with Denise, Roland, Pamela, Roxy and then Jackie, all her events together, Michael's departures and return, and all that she could do on the base. How could she change so much? She let a few tears run down her cheeks. Emmalin saw his mother in her thoughts.

E: Mom?

Claudia did not answer. Emmalin went to sit next to her mother and put a hand on her shoulder.

E: Mom ...

Claudia looked up. Emmalin saw the moist eyes of his mother. She realized that her mother had realized all that had happened and she was terribly angry. She saw then that she had to reconcile with her mother, and that everything returned to order.

C: I'm so sorry Emmalin ...  
E: I know. With dad we were really scared that everything ended badly. And you know, I really missed you.

Claudia then smiles at her daughter. She took her in his arms.

C: Oh you too, you missed me a lot. I am so sorry for all that. I love you so much if you knew.  
E: Me too I love you mom.

They stood out, Claudia caressed the cheek of his daughter and kissed her before taking her in his arms.

E: Everything will be fine now.  
C: I know. I'm just worried.  
E: What's going on?

Emmalin detached himself from his mother. She took his hands between his.

C: Your father left without really being able to talk to each other.  
E: Yes, but you said the essential. You love yourself, that's all that counts. And then you sent him this email.  
C: That's right you're right. But I'm just scared that ...  
E: No mom, dad's coming back in two weeks and you'll have plenty of time to talk to him, explain to him. For the moment we will enjoy our weekend. You'll start by having tea with Denise and make up for lost time with her. And you will go to work this week organizing yourself differently and telling yourself that you can not do everything in a day.  
C: I wonder who you want your organization ...  
E: I hold my dad character, but my need to help and reassure, I have it from you. When to my organization, I think it's Dad's military spirit, mix with your perfectionism.

They both laughed. Claudia had found her daughter and Emmalin could count on his mother again. At the end of the afternoon Emmalin started packing her things in her room. Indeed, she was definitely returning for the summer in a week and had started repatriating things at home. Claudia went to Denise's home. She had the impression that it had been an eternity since the last time they shared tea. Denise was as pleased as she was to see her again.

D: As in the good old days.  
C: And yes ... to one thing, some people are missing.  
D: Hmm ... what nostalgia when you think about it. I miss it sometimes.  
C: To me also, it helped me to find my spirits since I always came back to you when there was a problem.  
D: Claudia, did you talk to Emmalin?  
C: Yes, we talked a lot. We are no longer cold if you want to know. I can say that my daughter find her mom.  
D: Super! Everything is back in order then.  
C: Somehow. I realized that Michael was probably expecting other explanations as well. But we have to wait for him to come back for that.

D: The main thing is that you have reconciled before leaving. It mattered a lot to him.  
C: I know.

Claudia sighed a big blow.

C: I am still reassured of the outcome of this whole period not really positive.  
D: I understand you. But you who are so attentive, how is it that you did not hear what you were told?  
C: I was busy with my work. I needed to get away from the army for a while, except that I went overboard and did not really see where the problem was. As Emmalin pointed out to me, Michael tried several times to make me understand things.  
D: I noticed that your trip changed you. I think Michael is a little saddened to see you deny the army at this point.  
C: Denise I can never deny the army, I'm married to a soldier. The army is part of our lives, we live with, we can not deny it.  
D: Michael had the impression that you were fed up, and that you wanted to leave.  
C: Starting from the army? It's impossible ... Leaving the army would mean leaving Michael, divorcing. It is just unthinkable that it happens.  
D: So reassure him when he comes back. That's part of the explanation he expects.  
C: Okay. I am relieved that everything ends well.  
D: Finally, what happened with Kat Young made it all happen and find you.  
C: That's right. I really reacted violently there too. I was too much on the alert with the job. As Emmalin told me, I have to change my organization and my schedule especially.  
D: We'll say thank you to Emmalin too then.  
C: Yes, but thanks to you. To you, to Jackie ... And I also wanted to apologize.  
D: But what of?  
C: To leave you alone. Even if I'm no longer in the support group, I will not have let go completely. I think I will keep a day to continue helping you with group events.  
D: I'll be delighted Claudia, really!  
C: I think I actually need it.

They talked until late at night. Claudia returned quickly to prepare dinner. She found that her daughter had prepared everything and that a meal tray was near with a DVD in the drive. Emmalin had organized a DVD evening between mother and daughter. Claudia was pleased with this initiative. They spent a beautiful evening which allowed to tie up their links completely. Claudia spent the entire weekend with her daughter. When Emmalin left on Sunday night, she found the house particularly empty. His computer rang, Michael had just answered his email.

"Claudia, sweatheart,

What a joy to discover your message by connecting me after my arrival. Everything is going well, I found my marks and I have my first meeting in a few hours.  
Emmalin had told me that she wanted to be reconciled with you, I hope you could discuss and settle all that. But I'm sure yes.  
The main thing for me was that we were able to talk to each other and I left feeling calm.  
Do not reply to this email, I could not read them for several days. I'll call you in three days, I'll have a moment to do it.  
I think of you, and do not worry everything will be fine.  
I kiss you. I love you.

Michael. "

Claudia was relieved to read it. She was reassured. The next morning she organized herself differently for work. Indeed, she made the decision to go to work in the office in the morning, and work at home in the afternoon. In this way, she could regain stability with Michael by adapting to his schedule and being present when he returns in the evening. In the same way, she would make it Friday to go to the support group, to go back to her friends and help them. It was not because she was the wife of the three-star general that she had to put aside the other military women. She thought of asking her afternoon the following Monday to pick up Emmalin at the university that was coming back for the summer holidays. For his part, Michael had busy days and was at the center of the action. He found that everything he had missed, despite the dangerousness of his job. On Wednesday as agreed, he telephoned Claudia.

C: General Holden's residence?  
M: I never understood why you said that each time while when I'm on a mission I'm not at home ...  
C: Michael!  
M: How are you honey?  
C: Very well. And figure that I must say that since in any case if a senior officer calls home is probably not to keep me company on the phone.

Michael laughed at this sentence from his wife.

M: I do not have a lot of time. How is Emmalin?  
C: Sa va, she left Sunday night and returns next Monday.  
M: Could you chat?  
C: Yes, it was not a small affair since you know like me who your daughter holds her character ...  
M: I do not see what you're talking about.

C: You see me amazed honey!  
M: Have you resolved the cold between you?  
C: Yes, Emmalin opened my eyes and she also understood on her side.  
M: Claudia, I'm so happy to hear you say that. I am really relieved. All that really pained me.  
C: I know. I also wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for everything really. I can not wait for you to come back so that I can really tell you everything I have on my heart.  
M: Me too. I know everything was done hastily by my departure, but the main thing is that we are both well now. I left serene and although I think a lot about you, nothing can dispel me.  
C: Okay. Are you paying attention to yourself anyway?  
M: I promise you. Listen, I'll have to leave you. I will not be able to reach you for a few days. I have meetings all day tomorrow and from Friday we go on the field, and join the various strategic points were the troops. I'll get back to you next week, and I can tell you exactly what time I'm coming back.  
It's very good. I love you sweatheart.  
M: I love you too honey. See you soon.

They hung up happy, simply. Claudia ended her week a lot less stressed and she spent the weekend near her friends, as before. She found that she had missed everything and that it made a lot of sense to see something other than an office, law codes and lawyers she saw all week. She thought that finally she had found a balance. She wanted to be in a week, so share it with Michael.  
On Thursday night she heard from Emmalin, her exams went well. Emmalin was happy with her and thought she had succeeded. The latter would have its results by mail in two weeks. Claudia told her how proud she was of her and she gave him news of his father. She then wished a good weekend to her daughter for her birthday and gave her an appointment Monday afternoon as planned. Indeed, Claudia would go get Emmalin to bring her back for the summer holidays.  
On Monday morning, she worked at the office before returning home for lunch. Indeed, as expected, she had to go and get Emmalin at the university.  
She ate lunch quickly, prepared some things for the trip, and things to nibble for her daughter. They would be back late in the evening.  
Claudia left her house to take the car and leave. She saw Jackie with Denise and Franck arrived to her. She thought Denise had just had lunch at Jackie's house and had to go out at the same time.

C: Denise? Jackie? What are you doing here ? Hello Kevin.  
F: Hello Claudia.  
J: Claudia, where are you going?  
C: I'm going to get Emmalin at university. She returns for the holidays. Do you need anything ? Because I will only come back ...

She saw the crumbling mine of her friends.

C: ... late in the evening. What is going on ?

F: There was a problem in Iraq during Michael's mission.  
C : What ? What problem ?

Claudia panicked. She heard the beginning of Franck's answer, she was shocked. She sat on the steps of the steps. A new test awaited Claudia and Emmalin.


	2. Chapter 2 - Awareness

Franck had just announced to Claudia that a problem had just occurred for Michael during his mission. She was far from imagining Franck's answer.

F: Claudia, there was an accident while Michael was returning to base camp. He was going back in the humvee when the one who was parked in front of his was the target of a rocket lance. The shock of the explosion ejected Michael several put it further.  
What is it ? An accident ?

Claudia staggered. She sat on the steps of the steps. She was in shock, she could not find his words. She felt the emotion win her, her eyes filled with tears.

D: Claudia, look at me ...

Claudia turned her head to Denise. She burst into tears. Jackie looked at Franck and joined him. She spoke to him whispering.

J: Go back to work, we'll take care of her.  
F: I have to explain the return procedure.  
J: You will say that officially you did it. We take care of everything with Denise. We'll go inside to start and we'll take care of her.  
F: Okay. I call you if I have something new.  
J: Thank you. Will it go for organization in the office?  
F: Yes, I will have to take the reins of the base for the moment pending the outcome of this situation. But it will be fine.  
J: All right, if you need help, do not hesitate. Good luck.

Franck nodded and went back to work. He himself was shocked by the news. Despite everything he had to face. Denise picked up Claudia and took her to the living room, followed by Jackie.

D: Claudia, you have to pick yourself up. Breathe, gently ...  
C: What happened to Denise?  
J: Michael had an accident but he ...

Claudia cut her off.

C: Where is my husband?  
J: He was repatriated to Germany. The violence of the shock projected it on several meters. He hit something that was there. We do not know the details, Kevin had only the first report. Michael was found unconscious but he was alive.  
C: Alive?  
D: Yes, alive.

Claudia sighed and put her head in her hands. All these events during the last months had weakened her. Denise put a hand on her back taking her against her.

D: Its going to go.  
J: Denise rightly, we have to wait for the second report and we'll know more.  
C: We can not be sure of anything ...  
D: Claudia anyway Michael is alive. It is the most important.

Claudia had regained consciousness. She realized that she was panicking too fast. Michael was alive, probably hurt but alive, that's all that mattered.

C: How are the other soldiers who were with Michael?  
J: The driver of the first humvee died instantly. Next door was General Suntman, who was rushed to Germany but died on the plane. General Ownfall was a little further away, he joined the others. It was only slightly injured by splinters of metal.  
C: Okay ... when will we have the next report?  
D: We have to wait a few hours.  
J: Kevin calls me as soon as he knows more. And Franck keeps us informed too.

Claudia got up, she paced.

C: I will go to Germany. I have to be with Michael.  
D: It's impossible, not until we know exactly what's going on.  
C: But I can not stay there without doing anything Denise.

She stopped speechless.

C: Emmalin! Oh no, I have to go get Emmalin, she will wait for me. I'm already almost an hour late.  
D: I'll go get her. I'm taking care of it.  
What is it ? But ... and Franck? Molly?  
D: I'll leave him a message explaining that he has to get Molly to the kindergarten.  
J: Tell him that if he has a problem he calls me, I'll take care of it.  
D: Thanks Jackie. Claudia I warn you when I have Emmalin with me okay?  
J: Do not worry Denise, I stay there anyway.

Denise went off to Woodsen to fetch Emmalin. Almost two hours later Kevin phoned Jackie. He had news. Claudia waited, hanging on Jackie's lips, to know how Michael was doing. When she hung up, Jackie directly informed Claudia.

J: Well, you do not have to go to Germany. Michael has been stabilized there, but he will be repatriated here. They wait half a day to see how his condition evolves and then he comes back here.  
C: How is he exactly?  
J: He suffered a head trauma. Otherwise he just has crack ribs.  
C: Head trauma?  
J: We did an MRI, they found nothing serious about the brain. But on the other hand Michael is in a coma, probably due to the shock of the collision with the humvee that was behind him. Apparently there were three, one for each of the generals present, security issue. Each had three soldiers with him plus the driver. The other soldiers came back from the area to confirm the departure without any danger. None was touched.  
C: In coma? Oh my God !  
J: I do not have any other information. That's why he's transferred to Mercer directly. Here we can take care of him 100% and find out exactly why he is in a coma.

Claudia was completely annihilated. She felt a lot of anxiety and panic at the same time. She felt useless. Jackie tried to calm her down. She then heated tea. She made sure to reassure her friend. But having herself had to face this kind of new life Kévin not so long ago, she knew that all this was useless. For her part, Denise arrived at Woodsen. Seeing Denise, Emmalin did not know how to react. She just hoped it was not because of her job that her mother did not come to pick her up herself.

E: Denise? But ...  
D: Hello my beautiful. I know you were expecting to see your mother but she could not come get you.  
E: Why? The job ?  
D: No, she was ready to leave when we had to go see her with Franck and Jackie.  
E: But ... and why?

Emmalin had just finished putting her luggage in the trunk of the car. She stopped looking at Denise and heard what she had just said.

E: It's dad? Is there a problem with dad?  
D: Honey, come in the car.

Emmalin started to panic. She quickly entered the car.

D: Your father had an accident on a mission. He was transferred to Germany because he was unconscious.  
E: What? Unconscious?  
D: We do not have any more information. That's why your mother is staying at the base with Jackie. She was waiting for the next reports.  
E: Tell me it's not true!

Emmalin started to cry, she had already experienced a terribly distressing situation when Michael was held hostage. There she knew where he was but without any certainty about his health.

D: It'll be fine, okay? We'll go home, and you can stay with your mother while you wait. Perhaps there has already been news. Wait, I'll call Jackie.

Denise initiated a call via the Bluetooth of the car. At Claudia, Jackie saw the phone number and told Claudia that she was going into the kitchen.

J: Denise ...  
D: You can tell Claudia that I'm with Emmalin, it'll reassure her.  
J: She is in such a state of anxiety. But we know very well that we can not get out.  
D: I know. Did you hear news?  
E: Yes Jackie, do we know how is my father doing?  
J: Kevin phoned me earlier. He has cracked ribs, and head trauma. He is currently in a coma.

Emmalin was shocked. She felt like she was having a nightmare. Denise put one of her hands on his arm.

D: We know the stage of coma?  
J: No. Kevin told me he kept him for several hours under observation before transferring him to Fort Marshall.  
D: So he will be at Mercer. This is good news, I will have the means to get news and be there whatever happens.  
E: Do we know if he will be out of a coma?  
J: No, Emmalin, I'm sorry for the moment, they did not tell me anything more. Just at the MRI there was nothing alarming.  
D: Okay. Good see Claudia. We will be there in the middle of the evening.  
J: See you later.

Denise hung up. She felt that Emmalin was also very anxious.

D: Emmalin, as long as the additional exams have not been done, and as long as he's not in Mercer, do not hastily reach an agreement?  
E: I know, I'm scared for mom too.  
D: Jackie is with her, and she will stay the time.  
E: It's not about knowing alone that worries me, but about what she may be imagining.  
D: How so?  
E: She already lost Amanda. If Dad does not make it, she'll never recover, even if I'm here.  
D: Do not think about it now.  
E: If I think about it it's because I'm afraid it's closing completely on itself. After all that's happened in the last few months I'm worried about his reaction.  
D: I know everything has not been easy lately. But it will be fine.  
E: You know, with daddy they really suffered when she went on a trip. I did not think so much. They managed to recover from my sister's disappearance, but by keeping in their heart some things they did not want to say for fear of hurting each other. So each departure, was synonymous with the loss of the other. They did not understand that after the return of mom. That's why they wanted to resume a normal life, and that mom returned to her job as a lawyer.  
D: But was a good thing his Emmalin.  
E: I'm not so sure. They did not have time to meet, and to take the time to be together and enjoy being together. Look at the result ...  
D: Do you think that's why?  
E: Dad told me a few weeks ago that mom was missing when she was here. I understood that everything was not really back to normal. Then there was this kissing story.  
D: This story has been solved. But the separation at the departure of your father went well.  
E: Yes, Mom told me that she had lived it like many years ago, that is, good. But they did not have time to really say things to themselves. She will ruminate, feel guilty. She is anxious, of course, because he was the victim of a serious accident on a mission. But especially because she has a panic fear that he leaves without her having really been able to tell him what she had on her heart. Dad was very angry, he did not say anything because he was going on a mission, but it's not good to be angry and to keep it to yourself.

Denise was rather surprised by Emmalin's analysis.

D: You grew up too fast ...  
E: Why are you saying that?  
D: You realize that just by watching your parents you get to know what's wrong.  
E: That's true, but when we look at them, we do not know how much they are attached to each other and how much they need each other to move forward. That's why I'm afraid of mom's behavior in the days to come.  
D: Well we'll be there to watch over her and make sure everything goes best. Otherwise you should do psychologist you know?

Emmalin had a futile laugh. She did not know what she wanted to do yet. His only project was to progress in hockey and to return to professional level at the end of the university. She quickly swept this picture of her head. Without his father, all that would not matter anymore. The rest of the trip was calm. For her part, Claudia had turned on the television, even though Jackie had told her that all the information would come from Kevin. We rang the bell. Jackie went to open. Franck came to the news, unable to get any more information that day. He had Molly with him.

F: So?  
J: Nothing new since Kevin's call.  
F: He explained to me indeed. I'm not new either. How's Claudia?  
J: She's anxious every second.  
F: We can not blame her for that. The news was a shock for everyone on the base.  
J: I doubt myself.  
F: Do you know if Denise is coming back soon?  
J: She told me in the middle of the evening. I'm preparing dinner, do you want to stay with us?  
F: No, that's nice, thank you Jackie, but I have to go and give Molly the bath and give her her dinner. She had a long day, she is tired so I have to go to bed early.  
J: As you want. Anyway, we keep you informed.  
F: Okay, good evening.  
J: To you too.

Franck left again. He thought back to all those moments spent with Michael in the field, at the base, or with friends on the weekend simply. To imagine for a second that his friend would not be there made him cold in the back. He quickly chased the image away from his head and focused on his daughter, who had just turned three. It was already ten o'clock in the evening when Jackie heard the car park in front of Claudia's. Emmalin arrived followed by Denise.

J: Good evening Emmalin.  
E: Where's mom?  
J: In the living room.

Emmalin rushed in while Denise came in with the suitcases she left at the bottom of the stairs. Jackie then accompanied him outside to get the few boxes that Emmalin had brought back. Emmalin arrived in the living room. She saw her mother sitting on the couch, staring at the television screen. Emmalin took the remote control and turned it off.

E: Mom ...  
C: Emmalin! Oh honey, I'm so glad you're here.

She took a long time in her arms. Although Emmalin was also very anxious about her father's condition, she took it upon herself to reassure her mother.

E: Mom, it'll be fine. Dad will be fine.  
C: I hope so much my angel.

They settled on the couch.

E: Did you eat?  
C: No, yet Jackie had prepared some nice plates but ...  
E: Mom, you have to eat. I know it's difficult but you have to eat, if only in relation to your diabetes.

Emmalin got up, warmed a plate for his mother and brought it to him. Shortly after, Jackie and Denise returned to the living room.

J: Claudia, Denise had Franck on the phone.  
C: So?  
D: The plane that is repatriating Michael has just taken off from Germany. He will be there early tomorrow morning at the hospital.  
C: And we have other news?  
D: It is stabilized, under respiratory assistance. We watch him closely.  
C: Ok ...  
J: Michael will be here tomorrow morning. In the meantime, you have to sleep. You are exhausted.  
E: Jackie, mom, there's no point in watching TV because you know where Dad is and when he's in Mercer.  
C: I'm not sleepy You never know if you call home, if there is a problem, I have to be awake.  
E: We're not going to stay awake all night mom.  
D: I stay here, like her if I'm new, or if the phone rings here, I'll take care of it.  
J: I can stay Denise, if you prefer to see Franck and Molly.  
D: I'm not working tomorrow, I'll see them tomorrow. You stayed practically the whole day, go back with Kevin, it'll be okay we'll manage.  
J: Okay. I have the meeting of FRG Wednesday to prepare more.  
D: Exactly ...

Jackie says goodbye to everyone and gone. Claudia listened to her daughter and went to take a bath. His thoughts were all about Michael. She had this fear of losing him. She returned to the living room, Denise had prepared herbal tea. All three of them stayed with Emmalin late. It was then time to go to sleep. Claudia took care of washing the cups and the plates. Denise went upstairs with Emmalin to prepare the bed for Denise.

D: I keep my phone with me. If the phone rings tonight, which will surprise me since anyway until the plane is not landed, there will be no call, I'll deal with it okay?  
E: Okay. I'll probably sleep with mom tonight. We never know.  
D: Hum you're right. Tomorrow morning, you'll have to let her sleep. She will need to be rested to be at your father's bedside next.  
E: I thought about it too. I go down to get her. Good night Denise and thank you.  
D: Oh nothing, my pretty. Good night to you too.

Emmalin came downstairs and going to the living room, she found her mother asleep on one of the sofas. Emmalin turned off the lamps and left a small lamp in the corner of the lit room, in case her mother wakes up that night, that she is not lost. Emmalin took care to lock all the doors. She put the plaid back on her mother's shoulders and watched it for a few minutes. She wished with all her heart that her father would go better. She knew that her parents needed each other even when they were away. She says to herself that the love that there was between her parents was really unique. She went upstairs to bed. The next morning, Denise was up early. She found that Claudia had slept downstairs as she was still sleeping. Emmalin emerged some time later. Denise's cell vibrated. Jackie informed him that Michael had arrived at the hospital, and that at the moment he was being made to do the complementary examinations. Denise explained it to Emmalin and they agreed to let Claudia sleep and only tell her when she woke up. Claudia woke up a good hour later. She found her daughter sitting in front of her.

E: Hello mom. Did you sleep well ?  
C: As weird as it sounds ...  
E: You were exhausted last night. So you fell asleep here. I let you sleep I did not want to wake you up  
C: Thank you honey ... what time is it?  
E: It's past nine o'clock.  
What is it ? Already? But I had to wake up! And your father, we have news?  
E: No we decided to let you sleep with Denise because you would need to be rested to go see dad. And yes, Jackie phoning Denise an hour ago. Daddy is in Mercer.  
C: And you only tell me now? I have to go quickly!  
E: For the moment, there is no point in going there because they do all the complementary exams. Denise is back at home and she told me she was going to Mercer and she would be waiting for us there. We prepared a breakfast.

Claudia hurried to swallow a croissant and her coffee. She took a shower in record time and was ready quickly. Emmalin joined her and they left the ball in the stomach at the hospital. On arriving in the intensive care waiting room, Denise came to them.

C: Denise ...  
D: Hello Claudia. Well we just put him back in the room, the exams are over. You have to wait a bit to get the results.  
E: Can we go see him?  
D: No, he is very weak and still on respiratory assistance. But the doctors are optimistic. I go back and I come back as soon as I have the results agree?  
C: Ok, we ... we're waiting for you there. But how are you?  
D: It's stable, but the doctor will tell you more.

Claudia and Emmalin sat down in the waiting room. They had the ball in their stomach not to know the results of the exams and not to know how was Michael. Almost an hour later, Denise arrived.

C: So?  
D: Come, the doctor will receive you.

Claudia and Emmalin followed Denise to the doctor's office.

M: Hello. Go ahead please install yourself.  
C: Hello doctor.  
M: So following your husband's admission to the hospital here at Mercer, I peeled his file. Although having done an MRI in Germany, I preferred to redo one here. Your husband has just a few crack ribs. No fracture or serious injury. It has of course significant bruises but they will gradually resorb.  
C: Why is my husband in a coma?  
M: As a result of the examinations, the head trauma was diagnosed in Germany. It is this trauma that caused your husband's coma. Indeed, under the shock caused by the explosion, and by the violence of which your husband hit the humvee that was parked further. Since it is the shock that caused the head trauma and therefore the coma, we are talking about a serious head trauma. But on paper only, in fact it has less.  
E: Serious? But how serious?  
M: However, following the conclusions of the examinations, it was found that the coma was probably caused because the brain hit the cranial box quite violently. This is the same principle in a boxing match, the knockout is caused by this phenomenon as well. So we think your husband has been unconscious for a while. And in order to avoid sequelae, the brain began to slow down and gradually to plunge your husband into a coma.  
C: It's not possible ...  
E: Mom, daddy is strong, he'll get along okay?  
C: What will happen now?  
M: Since there have been respiratory problems in Germany as well, your husband is still on respiratory assistance. It is for more safety, we think it is possible that he breathes alone but it is to avoid any problem of oxygenation of vital organs that we leave him with respiratory assistance. By that, it would be logical to say that your husband is in a stage III coma.  
E: That is to say?  
M: That is, he would not react to any stimuli and therefore he has respiratory problems.

Claudia listened attentively to the doctor. She suddenly had the impression that Michael was escaping her, that she might not see him again.

C: Will he get by?  
M: For me he is in a stage II coma. Because he reacted when we gave him tests for motor reactions. He had weak movements when we pinched the top of the hand and touched the underside of the foot. Which means he will wake up faster. His vital prognosis is not engaged. We will simply monitor the brain activity and make another MRI in a week, to see if there is really any brain sequelae.  
E: And if there are any?  
M: Simple precautionary principle, I'm pretty sure there's none. We will be sure of it soon.  
C: Can ... can I see it?  
M: Yes, of course, but only one person will be able to return today.

On leaving the doctor's office, Emmalin explained to her mother that she would be going home, and that she would be waiting for her to come back to hear from her father. Denise accompanied Claudia to Michael's room. The shutter behind the window had been lowered, so nothing was visible. However, Denise asked Emmalin to stay in the hall for a few minutes. Claudia was able to get in with Denise and found Michael who just seemed to be sleeping. He was however under respiratory assistance, and under perfusion.

D: I come every half hour, it has stabilized.  
C: Okay, thanks Denise.  
D: You can stay a few moments. You can talk to him, I think he could hear you. If you need, do not hesitate, I'm in the service until tonight.  
C: Ok. Denise ...  
D: Yes?  
C: Can you reassure Emmalin? I know she would have liked to come in, and I know she's terrified of knowing her father so badly.  
D: I take care of it.

Denise left Claudia in Michael's room. She turned the curtain blades that were at the window of the room towards the corridor. Emmalin could then see his father. Denise came out and came to her side.

E: It feels like he's sleeping.  
D: I know. He is stable. And now that he is calm here, unlike the military hospital where there is still movement, he will be able to get better. The next results of the MRI will be decisive but for me your father will get by.  
E: Say he had to return on Saturday.  
D: I know ...  
E: Decidedly, the army will not have spared us ...  
D: She spares no one. But it's our life, and we only have it to keep going with the people we love.  
E: Hum ...  
D: I have to close the curtain now, normally I do not have the right to ...  
E: Yes of course. Thank you Denise. I'll go home, I'll wait for mom at home.

Denise returned to the room to close the curtain. Claudia did not even pay attention. She looked at Michael's face. His eyes were closed, so she could not see her beautiful blue eyes. After long minutes waiting, she took her hand on which she laid a kiss. She then pressed her against her cheek, she closed her eyes and let a few tears flow.

C: God, sweatheart... what's happened to you yet? Decidedly the army will never leave us alone. I know, it was only two weeks, nothing could happen to you. This time I did not worry, I was relieved to see that we managed to manage this deployment as before. But I should have been suspicious. I know, you would say to me: "To mistrust would have changed nothing, I would have left anyway, and everything would have happened in the same way". And you would be right once again. Finally, maybe it is better to have spent a week without anxiety. The doctor told us that you would not risk anything, that you would wake up in a while. I wish you woke up now. I miss you so much.

Claudia stopped talking for a few minutes. Then resumed.

C: Emmalin is fine. We help each other. We support each other. But we would like you to be with us and spend all this time together. Denise told me that you might hear me, so that's it. My love, keep fighting, and stay with us okay? You know that I need you, and that Emmalin also needs you.

Denise then came back and told Claudia it was time to leave. She left Claudia a few more moments.

C: I'm here, always.

She stood up and kissed Michael on the forehead.

C: I love you.

Once outside, Claudia collapsed. Everything had been so fast in recent days. But she had to pull herself together. She went back to lunch with Emmalin and went to work in the office as every afternoon. She plunged into work not to think. By mid-afternoon, Grant wanted information, so he knocked and entered Claudia's office.

G: Claudia, excuse me for disturbing you, but I would like to have the Hamilton file because I ... Claudia?

He found Claudia staring blankly, livid and wet eyes. Claudia recovered her spirits by discovering Grant in front of her. The latter sat down opposite his desk.

G: Claudia, are you all right?  
C: Hmm ... for me yes, it's my husband.  
G: What happened?  
C: He had an accident while on mission, he has just been repatriated. He is in a coma.  
G: Oh Claudia I'm sorry, really.  
C: ... life in the army will not have spared us.  
G: But why did you come to work? You could have stayed at home.  
C: I went to the hospital all morning. I can not stay long because Michael is in intensive care.  
G: Listen for today go home. And if you want, take a few days.  
C: It will not help me anything Grant ... I worry at home, I worry here, I worry every minute of the day.  
G: Then change your schedule ... come to work in the morning and go back home in the afternoon, you will be more serene I think.  
C: You may be right.  
G: Go home and come back tomorrow morning, only if you feel able. I do not know how you can have such strength to overcome everything this way.  
C: It's Emmalin and Michael giving me that strength. Otherwise, it would have been a long time since I gave up everything.  
G: If you need, do not hesitate, I'm here.  
C: Thanks, Grant, that's nice. I'll go.

Claudia went back home. She spent the afternoon with her daughter. At the end of the day, she returned to the hospital. Michael was still stationary. She decided to listen to Grant and changed his schedule. She would go to work in the office in the morning and come back to work at home in the afternoon. At least in theory. Indeed, she organized her work so that she could see Michael at least twice a day. The rest of the time she will spend it with her daughter. The next day after her morning at the office, she went to the hospital. She went back to lunch with Emmalin and Denise who was not on call. Her best friend reassured her about Michael's condition and told him that according to the doctors, there was nothing to suggest that his condition would last in time. Claudia was getting back to work at home and by the end of the afternoon was going to spend two hours with Michael. The days followed each other and were similar. It had been a week since Michael was at Mercer. That day was the planned MRI. Returning from her morning to the office, she met the doctor.

M: Mrs. Holden, you are just fine. We have the results of the exams.  
C: What do the exams say?  
M: They confirm my diagnosis that your husband has no brain sequelae and will not have any at the level of the body. There is no indication that he should be in a coma. After a few tests, he responds better to stimuli. Everything is positive. I think now it's a matter of time before he wakes up.  
C: Okay, thank you doctor. I hope it will not be too long.  
M: I wish it too, so that it recovers more easily then. But only one step at a time. I'll see you again in a week to follow the evolution.

Claudia nodded. All this was positive. She told her daughter that evening. They were therefore positive for the future. Life continued on the base, Frank had taken the post of Michael for replacement and the pentagon had made a decision as to the possible replacement of Michael. Claudia had been a little dejected to see that her husband was being replaced so easily. But she knew he would wake up and he would resume his job. The next weekend, Claudia thought to spend quietly and quietly, to rest. Was not counting on a nice surprise that had organized Denise. Indeed, Claudia saw Roland, Pamela and Roxy arrive on Saturday afternoon. She was so happy to see her friends at home. They settled in the living room.

C: But what are you doing here?  
A: Denise warned us about Michael, we wanted to support you and help you.  
P: Yes, we thought that spending a little time together, as in the good old days, would change your ideas and make you feel good.  
C: You are awesome. But it's true that it's complicated.  
Rox: How's Michael?  
C: Stationary. There is no big improvement except that it responds better to the different stimuli of doctors.  
Rol: It's positive Claudia.  
C: Yes I know, that's what the doctor told me. Nevertheless, I am so worried.  
D: In your place everyone would be.  
P: You have experienced so much hardship, you can only understand yourself.  
C: Hmm ... that's the ordeal of too much.  
D: What do you mean by that?  
C: I would like Michael to retire. I know I never wanted him to do it when he mentioned the idea because the army is his life, and he will always have that hope of reaching the highest rank. But after so much deployment, and despite what he could already live on mission and this accident, we were lucky, too lucky.  
Rox: I totally understand what you mean.  
Rol: I can not blame you for thinking what I myself-thought about Joan.  
D: What do you think he will say?  
C: I do not know. But I will not talk to him about it. What matters to me is that he wakes up, that's all.

Everyone stayed several hours at Claudia's, everyone gave news of their husband and children and the discussion quickly drifted on their memories that they all had here on the base. The next afternoon, everyone was invited to lunch at Denise's. Shortly after, Claudia left for the hospital. The others were then at Claudia's, and they took care of her household, her linen and with the help of Emmalin prepared some dishes that they put in the fridge. They tidied the whole house and waited for Claudia in the kitchen with cake and tea. Claudia saw how lucky she was to have her friends, even if they were a little scattered. The weekend ended with joy and thanks. A new week passed. The following Monday, while Claudia went to the hospital, arriving in Michael's room, she noticed that something had changed. Indeed, Michael was no longer under respiratory assistance. Denise arrived a few minutes later.

D: That falls well that you're here.  
C: Denise, why is he no longer intubated?  
D: The doctors have redid the tests this morning. He's breathing alone now. It is a big progression.  
C: Okay. Is he better then?  
D: Yes, we can say it like that. I leave you.

Claudia turned her face to her husband. She spoke to him for long minutes, his weekend, Emmalin, his work. For his part, Michael heard echoes. He had no idea where he was or what was happening. But he heard the echoes of a voice he would recognize among a thousand. He knew that Claudia was there. After two hours, the visits were no longer allowed, Claudia had to leave. Denise, who was finishing her guard, went back to Michael's room to see if everything had gone well. When leaving, Claudia kissed Michael's lips. Her husband's heartbeat was racing. Denise entered at that moment, her eyes were worried.

D: Is everything okay?  
C: I ... I do not know, her heart rate suddenly accelerated.

Denise went around the bed and found that everything was coming back slowly.

D: His rhythm returns to normal. Something happened in particular?  
C: Hmm ... no. I spoke to him as usual. And I said goodbye to him. I kissed him, as every time I leave.  
D: I think I understood. In my opinion he felt your presence, I think he understood that you were there and he reacted when he felt that you kissed him.  
C: Do you think?

D: For sure. However, I will put it on the day summary, so that my colleague will be watching tonight. There are exams tomorrow so we'll see if something is wrong. But I think it's part of the wake up process. We will know more tomorrow. We must leave it now.

Claudia nodded and went home. The hope of seeing Michael wake up had grown with Denise's words. She was anxiously waiting for the next day's conclusions to see whether or not she was right. She told Emmalin. Her daughter was going to see him as regularly, but not so long, she did not like hospitals, and hated to put her foot there. So she went there when Denise was there, and she could have a support other than that of her mother since they could not go both. The weekend was difficult for Claudia. Going to see Michael every day for two weeks made her hope each time to find him waking up. It required such strength, to hold, to work, to be there for Emmalin too. She had cashed a lot, without having had the opportunity to discuss and evacuate this overflow. On Friday night when she returned from the hospital, she closed the front door, leaning from behind. She let go, and began to cry. On hearing his mother, Emmalin came down the stairs.

E: Mom, what's up, daddy?

Claudia took her daughter in her arms. She hugged her. She let her pain run, her anguish for long minutes.

C: I'm sorry my angel.  
E: Mom tell me what's the matter ...  
C: I'm exhausted, and I have this fear in my stomach that your father does not wake up.  
E: Come and sit down.

They both sat on the couch.

E: Did something happen in the hospital?  
C: No ... on the contrary, your father is breathing alone now and ...  
E: Mom, that's good news, no?  
C: Denise told me that indeed it was a positive progression.  
E: So everything is fine, and I'm sure he'll be back home soon. You know, I'm worried a lot too, but I'm worried about you too, mom.  
C: Oh you must not honey. We've already had this kind of ordeal when your father was taken hostage ... You know I always have one or two very difficult days.  
E: I know ... but it's been two weeks since daddy was in the hospital. I know it's hard to sleep, or to find the appetite. But to see you cry like that, I'm afraid for you mom.  
C: But why? You're not afraid to have ...  
E: Because I know you can not live without each other ...

At this sentence from her daughter, Claudia's eyes became filled with tears.

E: I've been watching you for 21 years now. You love yourself so much, you adore yourself. You are so fusional both. You always have attentions to help the other, to make him understand things without speaking. All of this belongs to you and no one else can understand it.

Hearing these words, Claudia's heart sank. Michael's lack was felt even more.

E: When you went on a trip, I did not understand how you did to keep a year. And with everything that followed, I know you're mad at you.  
C: I blame myself yes. And I could not tell your father correctly. He did not want to tell me about my mistakes before he left. I do not even know what he really thought. I'm afraid we can not tell each other all that.  
E: You will talk quietly when he comes home. The main thing is that he went on a mission knowing that you were reconciled and that your love was still there between you two.  
C: If only there was only his ...  
E: What's going on?  
C: When your father is on a mission, I know why he is not here, I know where he is exactly ... At this moment, he is ready, but I miss him so much.  
E: I know ... to me too.  
C: You know, we have our little quirks. But what I need most is that he takes me in his arms for no reason, and that we stay a long time like that, just squeeze against each other.

Emmalin realized that his mother was confiding. Never had she talked about their intimacy with her father, their image on the base had always given them the image of people so strong. In the end it was quite different and they were strong together, but only so fragile.

E: Your love is so strong.  
C: That's right. We have kept our habits since I met him. And know it, your father is a concentrate of tenderness.  
E: Dad? You laugh ?

This discussion gave a little lightness to everyone.

C: Not at all. But you know I think he needs it as much as me. In the morning, you never get up before spending time in each other's arms. Just without speaking, enjoy before our crazy days. I'll even admit that sometimes your father is awake long before me, and he sometimes spends two hours watching me sleep.  
E: In fact your meeting is a real thunderbolt ...  
C: Completely.  
E: I find her beautiful.  
C: That's why I feel guilty, because lately I got up sometimes early and came back so late that we lost all that. I realize that despite the life that passes, it allowed us to take sometimes just a few seconds of rest before going back to our crazy life on the basis of your father as well as me.  
E: Mom, it's the past. Everybody makes mistakes. Everything will be okay when Dad comes with us and you can talk to you. Are you going to see him tomorrow?  
C: Yes, go tomorrow morning if you want. I will go tomorrow night as usual.  
E: Okay, we do like that. Now I do not know you but I'm hungry. Come on, I've prepared dinner.

Emmalin stood up, taking his mother's hand. But Claudia stopped him.

C: Emmalin ...

Emmalin turned around and his mother took her against her. She hugged her.

C: Thank you my heart. I do not know what I will do without you.  
E: It's going to be mom, I'm still here, you know it.  
C: I know. I love you so much my angel.

Emmalin looked amused at the nickname her mother had been giving her since she was a baby. But she does not say anything.

E: Me too mom. And it's okay do not worry.  
C: Ok. Let's go eat.

They took their dinner together. The weekend passed fairly quickly. Emmalin wanted to find a summer job, but with her father's accident, she just wanted to watch over her mother and take care of her. The following week was trying for Claudia, who had three hearings that were very difficult to manage. She put herself in a bubble in order to succeed in her trials. Still, she was still going to see Michael. There had been no further progress since the week before. For his part Michael always heard an echo. But he felt much closer. Sometimes he heard beeps. He knew he was in the hospital. It had been a month since Michael was in a coma. Everything was becoming very difficult for everyone. The wait became unbearable. Yet that Monday morning, while Denise was doing her rounds, she arrived in Michael's room. She checked the constants and was about to leave when she heard a whisper. She turned to Michael and thought he had dreamed. But she quickly realized that Michael was talking. The sound of his voice was very weak. It did not take long for him to understand that Michael was demanding Claudia. Denise went to get the doctor who arrived quickly. He made Michael a whole test battery. The latter opened his eyes a few minutes later.

Me: General, can you hear me?  
M: I ...  
D: I think he's too weak to speak. I just heard his wife's name.  
Me: How does the heart react?  
D: Well, no change of pace.  
Me: Very good. You stay near him, I'll tell his wife.  
D: She is in court this morning, she will not answer. She will arrive shortly after noon, I will tell her.  
Me: Okay.

The doctor left, pleased with the awakening of his patient. For her part, Denise took Michael's hand and spoke to him.

D: Claudia will be here soon, do not worry.  
M: I ... um ... what happened?  
D: You had an accident while on a mission and you were a month in a coma.  
M: In the ... coma? But I ... I do not remember anything.  
D: It's normal, you suffered a big shock. Now rest, I'll come back later.

Michael closed his eyes. He fell asleep. But his heart rate indicated that he was well out of his coma. Denise called Emmalin, who rushed to the hospital. She was so happy. She did not go back to her sleeping father's room who needed to recover. Denise explained that she could come back with her mother later. Emmalin then confided to Denise that she would let her only mother find her father and that she would go see him later in the day. When Claudia came out of court, she took a few minutes to breathe. The trial had been particularly delicate. But she had won the case. She recovered and went to the hospital before finding Emmalin for lunch. On arriving, she found Denise particularly smiling.

D: Ah you are here!  
C: Why is it happening?  
D: Michael woke up ...

Claudia's face indicated tremendous relief. But she could hardly believe it. She had hoped for a month, every day with the same stress, the same anxiety. In the space of a second, Denise announced to him.

D: I checked his constants this morning and he asked you. I thought I dreamed, but he did not ask you. I was looking for the doctor and he opened his eyes.  
C: Thank God. I ... can I go see him?  
D: Yes, come with me. By cons he sleeps, he recovers because despite everything a coma is not easy for the body. So do not worry if he does not open his eyes in front of you okay?  
C: Okay.

Claudia entered Michael's room. He had just the perfusion that still gave him glucose. He was sleeping, nothing could have proved to him that Michael had come out of a coma. She sat on the bed and took her husband's hand, and kissed him. Michael did not open his eyes but he understood that Claudia was there.

M: Claudia?  
C: Yes, I'm here honey.

Michael took a deep breath. He was struggling not to go back to sleep. He opened his eyes a few moments. He saw Claudia smile at him. Hearing Michael pronounce her name, Claudia was very moved.

C: I'm here.  
M: What ... how is Emmalin going?  
C: Well, she'll come to see you later. You scared me so much.  
M: I'm sorry.  
C: No, do not be, you're here now all is well.

Claudia found that Michael was struggling to stay awake. She decided to let him sleep, and not to return until late afternoon as usual.

C: Rest yourself. I'm going to see Emmalin. I'll be back soon.  
M: No Claudia, I ...  
C: Hush ... sleep.

She stroked his cheek so that he would be calm. Claudia leaned over to kiss her. She captured her lips with great tenderness. Michael felt an immense happiness invade him. Claudia gave him a second kiss and let him rest. Michael slept all afternoon. When Claudia returned home for lunch with Emmalin, her daughter jumped on her.

E: Mom, that's awesome Dad woke up!  
C: Yes, I know, what a relief.  
E: Mom, how are you? You do not look happy.  
C: Oh yes, but you know I was so distressed, I have to realize what's going on and your father is awake. I think I'm relieving all the pressure of the last few weeks. But do not worry, it's okay.  
E: Said you to go out to lunch to celebrate?  
C: You're right, it'll do us good. We will decompress.

Claudia and Emmalin went to eat at one of Charleston's small restaurants. Claudia released the pressure and could finally rejoice in Michael's awakening. The conversation was entirely focused on him. When they got home, they changed to go to the hospital. Upon arrival, Michael was awake. He was so happy to see them arrive.

E: Hello dad.  
M: Hey my big one. It's okay ?  
E: Yes, better since you're back with us.  
M: It will be necessary to help me to pick up the pieces because I do not remember anything at all.  
C: We'll help you do not worry.

Michael turned his head to Claudia and took her hand.

M: And you honey, how are you?  
C: Yes, very good.

Emmalin sat in the chair and Claudia on the bed near Michael. The latter asked him to go up a little head of the bed for him to sit. The head turned for a moment but he felt good.

M: Denise told me that my coma lasted a month.  
C: Yes, an endless month.  
M: I do not remember being on a mission.  
E: You only went for two weeks. It was not long.  
M: Two weeks? I have never had a two-week mission.  
C: What's the last thing you remember?

Michael looked in the air, he closed his eyes. He reopened them a few minutes later.

M: I remember our cold weather both. I also remember that you were both angry, I remember having you on the phone Emmalin.

Emmalin frowned.

E: Dad, it was a week before you left.  
M: Wait, I remember the ceremony for Joan.  
C: That day was the day before you left.  
M: I just remember that you were there Claudia, but we did not spend the day together, and you left the ceremony quickly. Then it's the black hole.

Claudia felt the emotion rise. She had reconciled with Michael a few hours later. He did not remember, which meant that for him when he awoke, they were still cold. Michael immediately saw the sadness in his wife's gaze.

M: Hey Claudia, what's going on?  
C: Honey, the day before you left, we were reconciled the same evening about this story with Kat Young. Because Denise spoke to me at the ceremony and Colonel Young then came to the house to ...

Michael was trying to remember but nothing came. Claudia knew that it was tiring him. She cut short the discussion.

C: Finally, still, we are not cold anymore.

Michael sighed. He did not believe his ears.

M: I'm sorry I do not remember it.

E: Dad, you have to find your minds. Besides, with mom we are reconciled, we discussed the day of your departure and everything is back to normal.  
M: Nothing can please me more than hearing that Emmalin. I wish I could go home.  
C: We'll have to wait again. But we will be able to spend time together.  
M: Claudia, did you come to see me often?  
C: Every day, when I came out of work at noon and finally in the afternoon I stayed practically two hours with you.  
M: I remember hearing echoes, I knew it was you.  
E: We have all watched over you. Denise was very present.  
M: I understand.

The time of visits was soon over. Emmalin said goodbye to her father, telling her that she would go out every day. She had an appointment with friends for the evening. Claudia stayed a few moments and took the hands of her husband in his.

C: Honey, I missed you so much.  
M: I'm sorry for that again sweatheart. The army will not have spared us hum?  
C: No, that's right. Emmalin was really angry you know. She was so scared.  
M: I understand it. As a military girl, even if she is an adult now, she can only accuse the army of all that has happened to us in misfortune. And you ?  
It's me ?  
M: How did you manage?  
C: I did not manage, I advanced day after day just hoping that this moment that I live at this moment happens every time. It's the nerves that held me.

Claudia had trouble speaking. The emotion becoming too strong.

M: Hey, it's okay, I'm here now.  
C: Michael, I was so scared of losing you.  
M: Comes ...

Michael opened his arms, Claudia lova. Michael closed his arms and hugged her. This moment of tenderness made them both crazy. Michael felt an infinite happiness. Without knowing it, he relived this moment when he had taken Claudia in his arms the day before his departure. Claudia savored that moment she had hoped for.

C: I had forgotten how much I had missed.  
M: Sa will go. I will be home soon.

Claudia got up and looked him straight in the eyes.

C: Now that you're awake, everything is fine.  
M: I love you.  
C: Me too I love you Michael.

They kissed each other. Michael then saw everything in flash. The ceremony, Kat Young at home, Claudia back in the room, taking her in his arms. In a few seconds he saw their discussion again and just remembered turning off the light before falling asleep, but nothing more. He felt something like a lot of pain. But he could not put words on it, he did not know why suddenly he felt that. But he was so relieved to know that he was reconciled with Claudia. Claudia out of the room. Until the next day he thought about it, thought of a lot of things. He then made an important, radical decision. But he decided to keep all this for himself, to announce it only when he returned, when the right moment was there.


	3. Chapter 3 - Recovered confidence

A week after waking up, the physiotherapist who had followed him into rehabilitation last week, went on to the next stage and Michael finally got up. He leaned on the physio, his legs no longer having any strength. Claudia arrived at that moment. She was glad to see that Michael was getting better and better, but she knew he could not bear being in this state. Still, in a few minutes he had regained his balance. He was moving slowly. Throughout her stay at the hospital, Claudia and Michael had never talked about their quarrels, their cold, the behavior of each. Even if they were reconciled, no one dared to broach the subject. And yet he had to. Claudia had promised to talk to Michael again to be able to say what she really had on her heart. Three weeks later, Michael had fully recovered and could return. When he arrived in front of the house, he felt like an eternity had taken place. Indeed, he had still not found the memory concerning his stay on mission. The doctors had explained to Claudia that it would come back little by little, that something prevented her from remembering. Arriving in the entrance, Michael felt relief. He was there, alive, at home. Claudia then arrived with the things she put in front of the stairs.

C: Welcome home honey.

Michael turned to her and smiled at him.

M: I'm so happy to be back.  
C: Me too. With your work stoppage of thirty days, we will be able to enjoy it.  
M: That's right you're right. I feel like I have been traveling and being out of time.  
C: It's normal, a coma is not nothing. Do not forget that you suffered a big shock during the accident, it is necessary that your organization is recovering. And a hospital stay is not relaxing either. You have to find your marks.  
M: I'm so lucky to have no more sequels.  
C: Hum ...

They took each other in their arms. They thanked the sky for being together and especially that everything was back in order. Michael captured Claudia's lips and kissed her with a lot of love. He then went to lie down, to rest. Claudia made herself warm a tea. She remembered the last months, the last two years, and even went back to meeting Michael. She was overwhelmed by a certain emotion when she realized that Michael had spent almost half their life together abroad, far from his family, his daughters, his wife. She remembered that even though she had accepted military family life, she had suffered, that her daughters had suffered. Without really knowing why, she felt a great lack. Her eldest daughter was sorely missed, but she was surprised that this lack was felt by Michael. He was there at home and he missed her terribly. Claudia was in her thoughts, Emmalin arrived at the end of the day and saw that her mother was preoccupied. She went up to her room without disturbing her. Claudia saw all the mistakes she had made, realized that what she had blamed Michael for, she had done. She had worked days, whole weekends, was often absent when she had gone on a one-year trip out of the country. She had not wanted to listen to Michael, while Michael had listened to him for 24 years and had always been aware of what his job was doing for his family. He had tried to make up for that. But Claudia had closed her eyes and had thought only of her desire to get away from the army, to have no connection with this world for a while. But Michael's accident, as well as the anxiety of not knowing whether or not he would wake up, had made him understand that it would be impossible for him to live without being a military woman, without his obligations to him and to him. the army, without her involvement in the base where she lived. She said to herself that everything had to become as before, when between her and Michael there existed an osmosis, a real confidence. It was necessary that they find all this, not to hurt the other, so that no other problem arises. Claudia went upstairs, Michael was sleeping. She watched him for a moment and felt something she had not felt for a long time. She felt a weight go away, the weight of a stress too long contained. She also felt an immense happiness, a certain lightness, a freedom too. She felt like she was coming back several years before when she was not working, that she was only managing the support group and Michael's career, that she had nothing else to think about. Without realizing it, Claudia smiled, she regained control over her life, her relationship too. She was really relieved. When she came down, she passed Emmalin.

E: Is his mom going?  
C: Yes very well. Your father is sleeping, he needs to recover.  
E: Will you be able to watch with me tonight the files that I have to fill for the university at the beginning of the month?  
C: Of course, we will look and we will fill everything at best. Say you're going to university for the last year.  
E: Hmm ... it's weird to tell you that in a year I'll have my life in hand.  
C: Still do not know what you want to do? Aside from hockey of course.  
E: If I think I found ...  
C: Ah, so ...?  
E: Psychologist.  
C: It's Roland who made you want to do this job?  
E: Not at all, it's by watching you and dad, I realized that I could understand some things. I saw then that an outside eye could be helping to solve some problems. And Denise told me that I had a gift for that, she told me that could be a job that would suit me. I checked, the subjects I took at the university agree. I just have to pass an exam to enter a specific school.  
C: A lot of things to handle this year then.  
E: Sincerely? Yes it'll be a little complicated. But I will see her during the year but I must have something because hockey will not last all my life and an injury is so quickly arrived.

Claudia watched her daughter for a few moments. Emmalin was a woman now, and she would soon be in the workforce, will have her own home. Claudia understood that their life and Michael had really changed, that everything had evolved, too fast.

C: You grew up too fast.  
E: Mom ...  
C: I'm so proud of you if you knew. But I would like to go back a little bit in the past just to be able to enjoy a little more of you a little, that you did not grow too fast.  
E: I know, it makes me weird too. But for the moment we have to take care of dad. And there is still a month to enjoy all three.  
C: You're right. I'll leave you to your business, I'll go prepare dinner.

It took Michael a week to get his bearings back and be perfectly well, though he needed to rest in the afternoon and his memory problem. Claudia had not yet dared to talk to her, she wanted to wait until he was ok to do it. However, one evening, while she was at her dressing table, she was unraveling her hair thinking about what would have happened if Michael had left his life during his accident. She saw herself in front of the door, listening to the announcement of Michael's death. She saw herself breathless, an immense pain. She saw herself leaving this house, leaving the world of the army for good. Michael coming out of the bathroom, saw the tears in his wife's eyes. He bent down and wrapped him in his arms.

M: What's going on honey?

Claudia came to her senses and saw Michael's reflection in the mirror. She was filled with happiness at seeing him by her side.

C: I was in my thoughts ...  
M: I see that. Why so much sadness in your eyes? What were you thinking about ?

Claudia looked into Michael's eyes.

C: And if you had left it alive in your accident ... what would happen here for me, for Emmalin ...  
M: Then you can erase all that from your mind since none of that happened.  
C: I know, it's just that ... when Franck came to tell me about the accident ...  
M: Claudia tell me what is bothering you exactly.  
C: What's bothering me? We almost lost you Michael, and I was afraid of never being able to talk to you, to tell you what was weighing on my heart. You went on a mission without being able to discuss the problems that existed between us.

Michael got a hot shot, he straightened up, his head was spinning. He sat on the bed.

C: Honey, how are you?  
M: I had some vertigo suddenly. But it's over.

Unconsciously, Michael reacted to what Claudia had just told him. These problems, the cold that had occurred between them, even if they had been forgiven, excused before he left, they could not really put cards on the table and say the substance of their thought. Michael felt angry, without knowing why.

C: I'll call the doctor at the hospital, maybe ...  
M: No it is not worth it, everything is fine. Come and sit down.

Claudia sat next to Michael. He took her hands.

M: Tell me what weighs on your heart, explain me ...  
C: I made a lot of mistakes in the last two years.

Michael wanted to explain that she was not wrong, but he let her talk.

C: I should never have accepted this trip with the First Lady to begin. The pieces had not been fully glued after Amanda's disappearance. It was believed that if but was the opposite. So yes it allowed us to understand why we both silently suffered from distance, from lack. But the effect of this trip on me was as positive as it was negative.

Michael frowned.

C: I wanted to cut myself off from the army. That's why I wanted to work again. But was too early, I should have waited before doing it. I should have picked up my marks here, picking up my marks with you, with Denise, Roland, Jackie. Instead of her, I fell headlong and preferred to be outside the base, at work, rather than here. That's why at each proposal for a seminar, internship, travel, I accepted; to be able to see anything other than the army, the soldiers and the judicial problems related to the army. But by doing it's my person completely who was changing. I no longer saw myself as a military woman.  
M: So how did you see each other?  
C: A lawyer, just a lawyer.

Michael knew Claudia by heart. And yet he had never thought that she could slip, and change so much. He felt fear. He remembered all he had felt before that black hole he could not remember. He knew it was the fact of being on a mission but nothing came back to him.

M: Do you realize that you were changing completely?  
C: Emmalin made me aware of all that. And I blame myself so much.  
M: You scared me you know. I saw you go away from me little by little. And I did not recognize you anymore. I was afraid that the woman I love gives way to someone I did not know. I was afraid of losing you and this change ends in separation, in divorce.

Claudia realized then that Michael felt was much stronger than the words he had tried to tell him. She felt a certain distance between them. This distance had probably kept them away despite Michael's return home the week before. Michael's admission hurt him.

M: But I blame myself too. The only times I wanted to talk to you, everything ended in shouting. I wanted to temper things, so I minimized my words, my feelings, my feelings. You got so pissed off, I did not recognize you anymore, you did not listen anymore, you did not try to understand. I should have insisted and take a stand. This is what we have always done and we never argued or at least rarely.

Claudia put her head in her hands.

C: Honey, but what did we do ...  
M: What did we do? We ignored the other ... then you thought about yourself before thinking about us, you wanted to take control of your life when you had taken it in hand 24 years ago, you wanted to change everything without me to talk about it and reorganize our life alone.

Claudia found the look of Michael, accuser, full of anger but at the same time of sadness and misunderstanding. Michael remembered where the anger came from. He was angry with Claudia, terribly angry. This shouting, which had never been to the end because it had always tempered things, announced between them two.

C: Michael, you can not say that. I did not want to change our life without talking to you about it.  
M: So what were you looking for?  
C: Honey, I understand you want me, but I just put my work first. It was a big mistake and I apologize.  
M: I just do not understand how you could, after so many years of marriage and trust, change your behavior.  
C: Michael, I have not changed.

Michael out of his hinges.

M: Yes! You changed so much that you did not need our moments at two in the evening, those moments that you liked so much! No you preferred to spend that time at your job! I can not understand how I let you do that, how I tolerated it!

Claudia understood that Michael was really angry.

C: Honey, do not get mad, you know what the doctors said.  
M: Claudia it's because of that anger that I had in me and that I did not know where it came from that I did not remember my mission anymore. Because I was on a mission with this anger, but when I woke up from my coma I was no longer.  
C: But why are you so angry?

Michael got up. Within a second, all his anger increased. His memories of missions then came back to him. Everything passed before his eyes. He remembered that this anger had never left him, that he had wanted to hide it. He had gone on a mission with all that in his heart. His mission was synonymous with this anger. He turned to face Claudia and sent him all he had thought during those complicated weeks when he had cashed without saying anything, but where he had suffered too.

M: Why? You ask me why? But Claudia you chose to travel the world for a year where I was alone on the base. I respected your choice even though we both know that it was the most difficult separation we had to live, even if we know why it was difficult. When you came back, I told myself that everything would go back as usual, our habits, our needs to both, the weekends with Emmalin here or at Woodsen. Instead, you wanted to resume your job as a lawyer. I found it weird but I let you do it because you know that I always wanted you to be free despite having obligations towards the army. I should have listened to this bad feeling that I had in me.  
C: Honey, I'm sorry for all this. I understand it and apologize sincerely but ...  
M: And you think that's going to be enough? For years I have made you miss, meetings that end so late that we did not see each other for several days so I had to work hours together. The weekends were ruined by my work, I did not see my daughters grow, I could not enjoy Christmas, birthdays. I felt guilty for not being able to spend Valentine's Day with you, being able to be with you for important occasions for you. And you know how difficult everything was for me because the second time I put my eyes on you I fell so in love that I would have loved to spend every second of my life with you. But I chose a job that did not do it. So I've told you a lot about it, and I know you've suffered a lot. With my promotion for the third star I was happy to tell me that all this would be possible since deployments will be rarer and will last much less. Instead of her you left for a year, and when you came back you reproduced exactly what I feel guilty about. You suffered a lot, but you made me live the same thing.

Claudia understood only now the extent of the repercussions that her choices had had on her family.

C: Michael, if you knew how bad I am. I did not realize all that. It's the difference with you. You knew it and you always did everything to make it live well anyway. I did not realize it, or too late unfortunately. But we can not get all our anger in the face like that. Because despite everything that happened, you know that I love you Michael.  
M: Oh me too, I love you so much. But it's because I love you as much as I react with all that anger. You did not want to listen when I told you that I wanted to keep my place in your life, when I told you that I missed you. You were just back home that you disappeared again.

So it was about that, the lack, and all the love they could not prove, prove themselves. Michael sighed. He felt appeasement. He took Claudia by the shoulders and lifted her. He took her in his arms. Claudia did not immediately understand why he was reacting like that when he was angry with her.

M: I missed you so much. Yet you were there, but after this year spent abroad I needed you, to spend time with you.  
C: I'm so sorry honey. I made mistakes, or rather I made the wrong choices. And I am deeply sorry.  
M: Claudia, do you love me?  
C: Michael, I've been deeply in love with you for 24 years, so of course I love you dearly.

They squeezed each other tightly. Claudia buried her face in Michael's neck. They stayed for long minutes. Then Michael pulled away from her, he took her face in his hands. After plunging into each other's eyes, they embraced with infinite tenderness. They felt that happiness and well-being they had not felt for a long time. Michael then spoke.

M: I felt so much that you escaped me.  
C: Michael, I am deeply sorry for all that has happened, for my mistakes and my bad choices. I just realized that now the repercussions that all this had on you, on us, on Emmalin. I am deeply sorry. Sorry to have made you suffer, not to have listened to you and trusted you when I had always done it before. I hope you can forgive me for all this. And if had to do again, know that I will not make this trip.  
M: I do not want you to regret doing it. He brought you many things, and proved once more that your place in the army you did it yourself. I'm so proud of what you did. And from what I understand the project is not completely finished.  
C: I informed the First Lady that after your accident I wanted to focus more on my family. And even more after this discussion. This project is therefore pending.  
M: Why that?  
C: Well, I wanted to be as close as possible to you during your coma, and to be with Emmalin who, even if she did not say it, did not live this period too well. I did not want to leave the house anymore. But I still had five bases to visit in the coming weeks. I did not want to fall back into my mistakes.  
M: I understand.  
C: With Emmalin, you are more important than any project.

They hugged each other again.

M: I wanted to ask you one last thing. When you say you wanted to cut yourself off from the Army, are you tired of our life in the army? You thought about leaving me?

Claudia did not echo what she had talked about with her friends during Michael's coma. She would never ask him to leave the army. And finally, the army was her life too.

C: No, honey, our balance was done by your job. Our life is here and I hope we will stay there for a while. Yes I wanted to have a break because everything weighed me too much. I visited bases so much, met women, attended meetings of support groups ... I needed a break.  
M: I would have understood it honey and you should have told me about it.  
C: I did not dare not to scare you or think that I definitely wanted to leave afterwards. Do you think I should have?  
M: Yes, because I think we could have avoided all that. And that would prevent that fear of losing you settles down.  
C: Honey, I need you. Without you I am nothing. I never imagined a single second to leave you, ever. And I hate myself for making you think that.  
M: We must not, the main thing is that we were able to discuss tonight and all that is behind us now.  
C: You are absolutely right.  
M: And one last thing, of course I forgive you. Even if basically I do not need to do it since I've never really wanted you.

Michael admired Claudia with a smile. Claudia answered his smile. They no longer needed words, their eyes told each other everything.

M: Let's go to sleep now.

They went to bed, thus appeased and reconciled definitively. Claudia was reassured to have finally spoken with Michael. Michael had managed to find his memories entirely. Nothing could now come to break their happiness. At least that's what they thought. They enjoyed returning to their habits, hugging each other before sleeping, doing the same thing in the morning. They took advantage again of the attentions of the other which they needed so much between themselves. The next evening, while they were having dinner, Emmalin and Claudia were far from imagining the announcement that Michael was going to give them. Indeed, he had thought since he woke up in the hospital, he was ready to announce them and ready to make that choice.

C: Did you have a nice day honey?  
E: Yes, very good. And you ?  
C: Everything went well at work, I was helping Denise set up the car wash that is taking place tomorrow.  
M: I took advantage of the calm of the house to rest. I'm just starting to regain my pace.

Claudia realized that Emmalin had something in mind. She exchanged a look with Michael who understood as well.

M: Is everything ok Emmalin?  
E: Yes, it's just that ... I heard you raise your voice last night.  
M: Yes we ... let's say we needed to say what we had on our heart.  
E: So you were finally able to discuss?  
C: Yes, we discussed a lot of things.  
M: We have completely left the past where it is now.  
E: Are you reconciled for good?  
C: Hmm hum ... and I can assure you that all of this is not about to happen again. Besides, I take this opportunity to apologize one last time to both of you.

Emmalin and Michael exchanged a knowing glance.

E: Mom, I know you're really mad about it because you did not notice what was happening little by little. But now, you really have to move on to something else.  
M: Emmalin says the truth, honey. We do not need to talk about that again.  
C: Okay, but I wanted to enjoy having you both tonight to tell you anyway.

All this was closed now and they cleared the table. They made tea and resettled at the table.

M: The army will not have been tender with us.  
E: Said you said it.  
M: You know Emmalin, I know you've always hated the army, that you did not agree with our life choices. I understand your feelings.  
E: The army when you're a kid is great. We have friends with whom we keep in touch, we change schools, house, base often. With Amanda we always took her as an adventure every time.  
C: Yes, I remember you love to run in our new house to visit everything, to look everywhere.  
E: Hmm ... and when we're kids, we do not understand where our dad is going exactly. So yes we know he will work, we know that it is very far. In addition to that we had our super mom who always avoided us to fall on images of wars, or to hear conversations that we should not hear.

Emmalin exchanged a smile with her mother.

E: And then we become a teenager and there ... Let's say that we really understand everything. And yes we want to the whole earth. I wanted you to be here all the time dad, but it was not possible. The army took you away from us for so many important things, birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, holidays. I started to hate the army. And everything was worse when Amanda left.  
M: I know ... Amanda is no longer there because of the army, you have gone through difficult times, my hostage and my coma, because of the army, all these deployments, these separations that were a heartbreaking for me. I always had the impression of abandoning you.  
C: You know very well that it's wrong.  
M: Maybe, but after my coma, all that pushed me to think about the future.  
C: In the future?  
M: Because the mission was not at the end, I was sent back for a year to my post. But next year there will be different possibilities.  
E: Which ones?  
M: The first is a promotion, but given the purpose of the mission, I will not have a fourth star.  
C: You said the same thing when you came back from Iraq three years ago. You were wrong.  
M: Maybe, but there would have to be a four-star post, which will not be the case next year. Otherwise, I stay on a three-star position, and I remain a three-star general.  
C: And you'll have a three-year term again?  
M: Exactly. Well it is possible that one gives me another year and it lasts another four years. Otherwise there is one last possibility. They decide that the post of general three stars that I occupy is no longer necessary, they reshape the army with new assignments, new groupings of bases and I am awarded a post of general two stars. In this case I lose a star.  
C: Is it possible?  
E: Wait daddy, all the work you've done there, they can not take a star off as they see fit.  
M: Unfortunately though. Finally in theory. I will be three stars but I will have a two-star position. I have decided that at the end of my term, at the end of next year, I will retire.  
What is it ?

Claudia was completely stunned.

M: I thought well and that's the best. I do not want you to suffer anymore because of me.  
C: Michael, you can not make a decision like that. The army is your life, your job.  
M: Claudia thought, we had too many chances. I was taken hostage, I escaped only because I could be an exchange, otherwise I will have been executed. Then I had a serious accident that plunged me into a coma. I could have died, I could never wake up, I could have serious consequences. At next deployment the chance might turn.  
C: But ... I do not know I ... you can not sacrifice your career like that on a whim.  
E: Dad, mom is right. I totally understand everything you just said. But all the simple soldiers dream of having your career. You are a very good general, do not stop just because of what happened.  
M: That's nice Em', but the army kidnapped Amanda, and everything that happened before I left on a mission happened because of the army. Without the army your mother would not have made this trip. The army will not have given us a break. And I do not want to play with our luck. My decision is made next year, we will definitely leave the army.

Michael got up and put his cup in the dishwasher. Emmalin and Claudia were speechless. Claudia did not come back from Michael's words. She was speechless. They had found a balance, everything was good for them. In a few minutes Michael had changed their future.

E: Why did he make that decision?  
C: I have no idea honey. But knowing him, he had to think about it days and nights.  
E: I understand his feelings. But the army is a life that is different. Deployments, the risks of being injured, we know.  
C: Even if the weather has done its job, your father will always feel guilty for letting your sister and I go that night. He always felt responsible.  
E: If that reassures him, I still feel guilty too.  
C: What?  
E: To be gone on vacation without being able to say goodbye to him.  
C: Oh Emmalin ...  
E: Do not worry mom, that's fine. I know I'm not responsible for Amanda's disappearance. But guilt even years later can not have made him make that kind of decision.  
C: He has already almost taken it.  
E: Oh good? But when ?  
C: Exactly, a few weeks after the loss of your sister. I had focused too much on my pain, I had not listened enough. He had sought information about a retirement residence for army generals. If I did not find this fax by chance, we could have left the army a long time ago.  
E: I never knew it.  
C: Your father quickly realized that our life was on the base and that the army needed him. Just like two years ago. When we learned that the base was to be dissolved. After receiving his orders, he wanted to stop as the last general of the 23rd.  
E: Maybe he's just fed up.  
C: I do not know, I'll talk to him about it.

Claudia joined Michael upstairs. When she arrived in the room, he read. She went to take a shower, and joined him. She curled up against him. Michael ran a hand behind his back and caressed him gently. She closed her eyes and took advantage of this moment of tenderness with him. Then she spoke.

C: Honey, are you sure of your decision?  
M: Yes.

Claudia sighed.

M: I know you have to tell yourself that I already wanted to do it, and finally I managed to get back to it. But this time it's different.  
C: Why is it different Michael?  
M: When I woke up from my coma, I did not know what had happened. I remembered that we were both angry, and I found you in front of me, and I saw in your eyes all the relief of seeing me awake, alive. That could only translate an immense fear, a great anguish. Well after we talked a little and when you told me that my mission had once again gone wrong, I took a shot. When I found myself alone, my reaction was to say "Encore! ". I remember at the beginning of our story, once I came back slightly injured mission. You had been so worried. I felt guilty for inflicting this on you. Then there was my hostage where thank God, everything ended well. This accident that took place had serious consequences since I was a month in a coma. I woke up and thank heaven for that. Nevertheless, because of his accidents, you had a lot of anxiety, a lot of anxiety. Even if what happened is not my fault, but because I am a soldier. It's because I'm in the army that all this happened.  
C: I agree sweatheart, but the day we got married we knew what we were doing and we knew it could happen. For twenty years we lived without any problem, we had forgotten that was possible. But you're alive, you're here Michael. Nothing else matters.  
M: Maybe, but luck turns slowly. I did not want to see the signs but they are there.  
C: What signs?  
M: The loss of Amanda had confronted me with that guilt that I still feel. I believe today that I should have retired at that time. I should have listened to my presentiment. Then there was this trip to Brussels and all his problems with Emmalin because of this transfer. My hostage, my fault when I went back to Iraq, the night jump that really went badly, the base that was reworked after the hurricane, all his problems with the Withakers ... all this is not glorious. Then you wanted to make this trip, everything changed after that and we created some problems that almost cost us our couple. The army did not spare us. Without forgetting all his moves, all his deployments that made everyone suffer and even if we knew what had girls suffered when they were small, proof that Emmalin rejects the army.  
C: And you think that when you retire you will change the past? Michael, Emmalin is a woman now, she took her life in hand and even though she never liked the army, she loves you and you know it.  
M: I know, but because of the army I missed so many things.  
C: Emmalin do not blame you honey. You deny your job and love for your country?  
M: No Claudia, I'm tired of all that. Before I had the ambition to become a great general, but we must face the facts, after my long stay in the hospital, we will not put a division in the hands of a general who had a loss of memory. The army made me a flower by leaving me another year at my post. But she was at the base of our worries,I have to leave.  
C: Michael, our relationship problems have nothing to do with the military. The problems of couples exist outside the army. The problems we had with Emmalin were common to families with teenagers. What is connected with your career should have happened as everything has happened, thanks to your successful missions, your choices that have helped save civilians, and the gift that you have to direct operations, to direct the officers under your command. orders, to run this base simply. Life gives us hardships to overcome and we get there thanks to the positive things and happiness we have experienced. You feel guilty right now for not being able to finish your mission and you need time to recover from your accident. I'll be there to help you and give you confidence in you, okay?  
M: I know, you've always been here, and I thank you for all that. But I doubt that I change my mind.  
C: We'll discuss it again later. But do not forget in your analysis that we have thanks to the army had wonderful moments.  
M: Yes I know.  
C: Our meeting to start. Without the army we would never have met. Without the army we would never have married.

Michael's eyes lit up.

M: How could I forget all this?  
C: And then there was the arrival of Amanda and Emmalin, we were the happiest people in the world at that time.  
M: It's not enough to say it. Our life really made sense.  
C: Your promotions have been moments of joy for the whole family, we met our best friends thanks to the army ... in short, everything that gives us a balm to the heart.

Michael squeezed Claudia against him and kissed him on the temple.

C: What I want you to understand is that no matter what our life choices are, whether we were in the army or not, whether you were military or not, we would have had our happiness and our misfortunes. The army is the life we have chosen with the highs and lows that implies. Even if we sometimes forget that you risk your lives and that there are serious risks. Unlike the military world, we do not know how life goes without. And you know that if you make that decision it will also bring change for me and a little bit for Emmalin as well.

Michael nodded.

M: I know. It is perhaps this change that we need.  
C: Michael, we do not need a change. We are happy like that ...  
M: But when you came back from your trip, you wanted to leave the army ...  
C: That's right. I did not really know who I was, what I was serving, and I was kept away from this base for so long that I could not understand where I was needed. But I am a beloved military woman, so the army remains what guided my life.  
M: Exactly, it is necessary that for once, it is your professional career that is a priority, plus mine. No more deployments, no more long weekends in Washington.  
C: I confess that all this is tempting. I love my job yes and being able to work part time at home allows me to be able to keep a balance with our private life. But working full time means opening my own law firm where to find a partner position, and a lot more work.  
M: You are already on a partner position.  
C: Yes, but I work with Grant, who knows your status and therefore my duties to the army and to you. I very frankly have a lot less files to deal with than they do. And who says full-time associate job says meetings, with many goals to fulfill for the firm, less time at home, less time for you, less time for Emmalin. I do not want to fall back into all that.

Claudia looked at Michael. The latter was in his thoughts.

C: I think you made that decision too fast. You just woke up from your coma and I think you were scared ... which I understand. But you should give yourself time for reflection, because you were not afraid for you, but you were afraid for me, for your daughter.  
M: Maybe, but what I'm sure of is that I've been lucky every time, too much luck, and that one day or the other, all ended up turning. And I do not want anything like that happening anymore.  
C: Michael, I find it hard to understand why a soldier so passionate about his job and the love of his country makes that kind of decision. Because we know that deployments are never easy to manage but all the soldiers are waiting for that. So why ?  
M: As you told me, for you Claudia and for Emmalin. I want you to be able to live your life by being serene and without worrying for me, without having the fear in my stomach when I leave, without being anxious about whether or not the next time I will be healthy and except or not.  
C: Michal do you realize that for 24 years this is the way we lived? And that's the same way we lived with girls too? We know the day we set foot in the life ofa soldier.  
M: I know. And I'm so proud of you, of you, to have endured that for so long. I'm so lucky to have you.

Claudia did not answer. She gave him a simple smile. After a few seconds without saying anything, Claudia spoke again.

C: With what happened, you do not know where you are. I propose that we leave this discussion in abeyance. Give yourself time to recover, time to resume your position, time to find our rhythm of life.  
M: You're right.

Claudia lay down and put her head on Michael's chest. The latter closed his arms on her.

C: Just enjoy being home for the moment. Let time go by, and we'll see what the army will hold for you in the future.

For a simple answer, Michael kissed Claudia on the hair.

M: Good night sweatheart.

Claudia understood that Michael would listen to him. They fell asleep leaving this discussion aside. One day maybe he would take it back where they left it. However, that day was not ready to arrive. In fact, in two weeks, Michael was back to work and Emmalin was going back to university for his last year. Michael was apprehensive about this return to work. It had been three months since he had reviewed a single file, a single report, he did not know how the end of the mission had ended. He just knew that Kevin was coming home in a week, along with the last soldiers, which meant the US military was no longer deployed at all. NATO and the UN as well as the Pentagon were expecting important reports but itHe was not the one who had to do it but Franck. Joan's replacement had not been named yet. Franck was a lieutenant-colonel, the same rank that Michael had when General Baker was promoted to his place. Michael had time to analyze the whole situation. He hoped that Franck would be promoted and had a star, that Kevin would also receive the third star he was expecting so much. He knew that after this mission that had ended rather badly, he had reached the end of his career. He dreaded the return to the office. But what he feared most was the return to their organization of life that they had before his mission. He had this fear that Claudia would return to what had been problematic, that she would start working all the time in the office, that she would come back as many questions as he asked himself.  
During the last two weeks of his life, Michael was going out a lot to walk in the base, and he was easier to play with the questions of the people he met. He could watch television, a beer in his hand, he could enjoy the whole day in a quiet house. Claudia went to work in the morning at the office and in the afternoon she worked at home. Since Michael was there too, she took a few breaks so that she could be there for him anyway. He slept less and less in the afternoon until he no longer felt the need to sleep at all, which meant that his body had recovered from this difficult ordeal.  
But Claudia had kept time in her schedule to see Denise and Jackie and help with the support group. It gave him a breath of fresh air every time. She found this need to help others and to be accessible despite the rank of Michael. What she always advocated here at Fort Marshall.  
The following weekend, Emmalin started packing and packing. A new year began for the girl who was the pride of her parents. They spent it with family as before. Everyone was delighted with his moments together. Everything was in order for the Holden family.  
In the middle of the following week, a few days before Emmalin's departure for Woodsen,  
The latter had gone out with old high school friends. Michael and Claudia took the opportunity to watch a movie. In the film, one of the characters wanted to go out with the woman he loved, but he could not find the attention of this woman and especially he could not convince her to live a piece of his life with him. Michael laughed at one point. Claudia was lying, her head on Michael's lap. She reacts when her husband laughs.

C: What makes you laugh so much? The poor guy really loves him, he wants to live with her, and you make her laugh ...  
M: Oh no honey, what makes me laugh is to think again that I was in the same situation 24 years ago.  
C : What ?

Claudia got up and wentsits next to him.

M: 24 years ago, I was like him galley ...  
C: Michael, you can be serious two minutes ...  
M: Hey do not laugh, it's a little true no?  
C: You found my attention anyway.  
M: You make a point. Do you remember that day when our eyes met for the first time?  
C: If I remember? I did not understand what was happening to me rather ...  
M: Oh good?

They had very rarely talk about their meeting. They had often mentioned the fact that they quickly became attached to each other, that they were immediately in love. But they never spoke again of that first second when they had fallen into the eyes of the other.

C: It's been a few days since I saw you in the amphitheater, when you came out, one of your teachers stopped you, I turned around and we looked at each other. I could not take my eyes off you, my heart was racing and my entire body was paralyzed. It never happened to me so I wondered what was going on.  
M: Just like me honey, so I do not remember the end of this day, just that I admired you until you were no longer in my field of vision. I understood later what had happened ...  
C: I had never managed to understand exactly until you were deployed for two years in Iraq.  
M: Claudia'swas 10 years ago that ...  
C: I know. Every day of our lives together I looked at you, and I told myself how much I was in love with you, I was holding you. Except that what I felt that day I still felt it and I did not understand why because we lived together, we were married and Amanda and Emmalin were born well after. Despite your deployments, you came back quickly enough so that our love took over every time but during this very long deployment, I had so much time to think, to think and I remember having much talk with Denise.  
M: Claudia, did you take fifteen years to understand that this first look was just love at first sight?

Claudia nodded.

C: I was young when we met, I already had boyfriends but never anything serious and never anything that made me feel that way. So I wondered what had happened. And everything was chained very quickly. I could never understand why we loved each other so much. And then you left, two long years. I think you've never missed me so much during this time. I saw other women apprehend that better than me. So I started thinking and really trying to find an answer, letting myself be guided by how I felt and ...

Claudia caught her breath. She stared at Michael in the eye.

C: I understood that what I felt that day when our eyes met for the first time, I still felt it. Except that what I felt, and that I still feel, was just all the love I felt for you. I then understood that from the first second already, I felt all this love for you, that already I loved you madly. So I realized that our meeting was a real crush and that ...

Claudia's eyes started to shine. In saying these words, she thought of others she had told Michael not so long ago, when they spoke about this meeting but in a much more difficult context. In fact, at the time of the ninth attempt of discussion with his wife, when they were both in cold, Michael had returned on their 24 years of joint life and Claudia had answered him that considering the result at the end, and although she should have chosen Harvard instead of following him. And without knowing why, this memory returned to Claudia's head. She felt guilty all at once.

M: What?

Claudia came back to her.

C: That I could not live the rest of my life without you.

Michael took her in his arms.

M: Oh honey. It is true that we were at the right time both hum?

He broke away from her. He saw that Claudia really had her eyes full of tears.

M: Claudia, are you okay?  
C: Michael, did you feel the same?  
M: Oh that yes. That's why I told you, joking a little bit, that I was like the film man, because I wanted you with me, in my life, I wanted us to live together. But it's true that I did not know how to approach it with you so at the beginning I just submitted the idea, to see and to make you think. But I would never have thought that you had everything you just told me in the depths of you. Moreover,why did you hesitate when you already wanted to live the rest of your life with me?  
C: Because I was scared ... everything was so new to me. Michael I do not want you to doubt my words ...  
M: I do not doubt a second sweatheart. Why ? You were afraid that I doubt?  
C: Yes, the other day when ... well, rather, a few weeks ago, when we quarreled when we were both cold. Let's say we had so much argument in a short time that I do not really remember when it was, but ... you told me not to understand how after so many years of living together you could not no longer trust each other.

Michael knew immediately what Claudia was referring to.

C: And I blame myself so much of my answer.

Michael did not speak. For this answer Claudia, he had re-heard every day since. And every day this sentence hurt him a little more. And he realized that what he had just said was actually wrong. Because yes he doubted the choice of his wife since this shouting.

C: I never should have told you that I should have chosen Harvard almost 27 years ago. Just because I could not, it would have been impossible for me to let you go.

Claudia saw that Michael was listening but there was a long moment of silence before he spoke.

M: I would lie to you if I told you that I know and that it was nothing. You can not know how this sentence hurt Claudia.

Claudia then took Michael by the neck and thekissed on the cheek.

C: I know, I'm so sorry. Everything came out in the tone of anger, I could not stand these shouting anymore and I wanted everything to stop. But never, never have I thought of it.  
M: I know we were in a really difficult time, but at that moment I started to doubt that choice. I imagined that perhaps after so much time in the army without really wanting to come with me you were exhausted, that's why you were cracking and you wanted to leave and find your life before.

Claudia then put a hand on Michael's cheek.

C: As you say, this has been a difficult time for both of you. But as I told you, the moment I looked at you, I knew I would make my life with you. So do not ever doubt my choice. I loved it and I love being Mrs. Michael Holden, I loved raising our family together, I loved it and I still adore you and be close to you for your career, and I loved it and I love to still feel this love that I felt this first second there this day of 1988 for you.

Michael looked up at her. Claudia gave him a smile.

C: I love to feel my heart racing every time I look at you, I love to feel these chills of happiness when you come back from mission, without making a stay by the hospital box of course ...

It snatched a laugh from Michael as from Claudia.

C: I love when you take me in your arms, and that in a second all this love for you is so strong that I'm breathless. I love to feel your hands on my skin, especially when on bad days, you caress my back in the evening to calm down. I love it when you say "I love you" with all that tenderness in your eyes. But what I love most is to feel the same love for you as the very first day I put my eyes on you, and to see that I'm still as much in love with you.

In simple answer, Michael laid his lips on Claudia's. They kissed with great tenderness and gentleness. Then they took each other in their arms. As Claudia had just said, she gasped for a second.

C: Oh my love ... I love you so much.  
M: Oh me too ... I do not doubt anything, ever.

Michael had been so touched, moved by Claudia's words, that he had not been able to answer him. So he had preferred to respond with gestures, which were worth more than words sometimes. They remained entwined for long minutes. They were in each other's arms and wanted to make this moment last as long as possible. However, the film had just finished and it was time to go to sleep. They broke away but their eyes caught on. They moved closer to each other and kissed without letting go. Michael stretched Claudia on the couch and kissed her in the neck, on the cheek and again found her lips. Claudia had more than a glimpse of that moment between parentheses between them. Despite this desire that she began to feel for her husband,the reason taken over. She pulled Michael off a few inches.

C: Not that I'm not going to be a little hug in the living room, but even if she's going to be of age and she probably knows for a long time how she was conceived, our daughter will not be long in coming back and I do not want her to find us in this position in the living room ...

Michael had a futile laugh.

M: It's clear that I do not feel like it either.

Claudia answered his laugh.

M: Are we getting on?  
C: We go up. Time to put the cups in the dishwasher and launch for the night and I join you.  
M: Very good.

Michael helped his wife up.

M: Right now, Mrs. Michael Holden.

After a smile, they kissed quickly. Michael climbed up and Claudia went through the kitchen before going up a few minutes later. When she arrived in the room, she was startled by fear when Michael was behind the door, closed it and spoke to him.

M: Do you think our daughter might surprise us now?

Claudia turned around. She liked when Michael spoke to her in a joking tone.

C: Since all the lights are out in the house, our bedroom door is now closed, I doubt that she dares to bother us, especially since we have a little time before her return I think.

Michael got closer and kissed her, taking her in his arms.

M: Would we be alone?  
C: General Affirmative ...  
M: That's perfect.

Michael kissed him and laid him on the bed. He took advantage of every spot of Claudia's skin. They undressed each other, their bodies screaming the need to meet again. Michael knew how to love his wife and make her spend time out of time. It's been so long since they waited for this, both of them. But Claudia had waited. She had waited for Michael to get better, to be close, and above all, to become natural again between them. What was the case tonight. They wanted to resolve once and for all their misunderstanding of the last months, before Michael went on mission and finally conceal their reconciliation. In the arms of his wife, Michael finally found himself, he felt like reliving. For its part,Claudia took advantage of being able to finally find her husband and lived every second of this moment to the maximum. Their mutual emotions mingled at that moment, with their love, making them mad with desire for each other. They then clung to each other to close this moment made of passion and love.  
When they woke up the next morning, they were happy, and were now sure that everything would be fine.  
They met in the kitchen where Claudia was already drinking her coffee. Michael arrived and kissed him happily.

M: There is nothing better to start the day.

Claudia smiled at him.

C: Did you sleep well?  
M: The night I slept the best for months ...

Michael kissed his wife on the forehead and had a cup of coffee. Claudia left a few minutes later at the office. They wished each other a good day. Michael thought then that serenity and calm had returned to the house, that finally they had regained their stability and that everything would be as before. Unless …


	4. Chapter 4 - Out of love

In two days Emmalin makes her last return to university. She is entering her fourth and final year. The next day she must take the train, alone, to go there. This is reminiscent of what happened on the eve of Amanda's return, she too had to take the train alone. Claudia is not easy.

C: Do you have everything you need, honey?  
E: Yes, everything is ready.  
M: Are you sure you do not want us to take you ourselves?  
E: No, two more girls from my class will be on the train, so I will not be alone.

Claudia and Michael exchanged a worried look. Emmalin knew that their anxiety was great.

E: Dad, mom, I know what you're thinking right now. But I promise you that nothing will happen to me.  
M: It's just that your mother has been with you every school year since you started kindergarten. And we have never experienced that, the entrance to our daughter's last year of university.  
E: I know. But no fourth year arrives with his parents and I'll just have time to put my things in my room before going to my meeting back. So you will not stay, so much road for so little, I prefer to travel by train.  
C: Okay. Michael, do you realize? Our baby is older, in the last year of university, a bright future in hiccups.  
E: Mom ... and maybe for hiccups.  
M: Oh no Em', you know you'll get there. Your work will pay, I'm sure.  
E: I hope. But I would just like to be able to approach this project without pressure. If it does not work this year, do you ...  
C: Emmalin, whatever happens, we are very proud of you. And we will stay. We know that you always do the maximum, that's enough for us.  
M: Your mother is right, I said her in a joking tone.

Claudia shook her head with a smile.

M: What are you thinking?  
C: Oh no, I do not know if I should bring out that old story tonight ...  
E: Oh, mom, please, I love old stories.

Michael and Emmalin stared at her.

C: Ok. It's just that I realize you're not a kid anymore. Everything has gone at a speed. And I remembered that short time about six years ago, when I thought I was pregnant ...  
M: Right. I had a little forgotten this period.  
E: What? But wait, I had just returned to high school at that time. You never told me anything!  
C: If you remember, it was a few months after your sister's departure. And I had this desire to have another child, contradicted by the lack of your sister. Except that when I had this doubt, everything was questioned. To tell you, I did not tell your father right away.  
M: That's right. And ... it seems to me that it was after your first departure alone on vacation with your friends Emmalin, that your mother told me about it. She announced it to me as having a little fright.  
E: Did you want to ... replace Amanda?  
C: Oh no honey, that was not it, absolutely not.  
M: No, I do not think it was that.  
C: Let's say that having this doubt, I imagined everything, and if I really was pregnant? On the other hand, I thought that there was a false alarm and it was not true. And every time there was this question coming back, what if I really was? The doctor told me that I was not, so the discussion was quickly forgotten.  
M: We had talked about it one night, remember.

Claudia plunged into her memories.

C: Yes, it's true.  
E: And you dad, what did you think?  
M: I never told your mother about it, but I wanted to have another child. This desire came on my return from two years of mission in Iraq. I thought a lot and the time passed without me talking to your mother. But with Amanda's disappearance, I could not ask her that, knowing we were in a morally difficult time.  
E: I can not believe I almost had a little brother or sister.  
C: That's why I smiled just now. I thought that if we had this child, he would be six years old now and we would still be worried about the concerns of the primary school.  
M: That's right, you're right. We should have waited another fifteen years to see him finish university and finally be quiet ...  
C: Michael ...

Everyone laughed.

C: Life was what it was and it was probably better like that.  
M: Your mother is probably right.  
E: Yes, of course, but it's always very special to hear that kind of thing. And I'm sure there are many more to tell hum?

Claudia thought about the medical problem she had when Michael returned to Iraq. His daughter had never been aware. Just like this story of nightmares before the deployment of Michael 4 years ago.

C: Surely yes, but it's late and tomorrow a long day is waiting for you.  
M: Yes, I propose that everyone go to sleep.

After wishing good night, everyone joined his room. Before going to bed, Claudia came back to a sentence Michael had said.

C: Honey, why did not you ever tell me about the desire you had after your two-year mission?

Michael looked at his wife. He sighed. After all, they had never had a secret between them.

M: It was during my three weeks of leave to return. I watched the girls, I watched you and I thought we had a cruising rhythm in our life. Everything was going so well and for the better, as much for my career as for the girls at school and even for you compared to the support group. It was there that I realized that girls no longer needed us. With the army they learned to be autonomous and ended the hugs before sleeping, the stories at bedtime, those times when she came to see us when she had an argument at school.  
C: Michael, I ...  
M: I know honey, we did not have the same vision, and for you life is not punctuated by someone who needs us. But that's what I thought about this period. I went back to work, and remember you I had some difficulties to regain stability. And then I told myself that my desire was probably unthinking. I could not ask you to relive a pregnancy, especially that when you were pregnant with Amanda or Emmalin, you had to live a part all alone.  
C: Even if we did not share the same opinion, you should have told me about it. The girls were slowly getting away from us, because they were teenagers and for having hardly crossed this period with Emmalin, you know very well that the parents are not the people with whom the teenagers want to spend their time.  
M: Yes but several weeks later, this desire has returned. I missed so many important moments with the girls, I felt guilty so much that I needed to prove to myself that I had not missed my role as a father. Would a new child still need me so much where was it that I no longer had this role of father to girls because of my too many deployments?

Claudia came to him and took him in his arms.

C: Oh honey, you were a wonderful father to Amanda and Emmalin. You have always been there even thousands of miles away. You sent them letters, little presents when you found them a few times. You phoned us often and then with the computers everything was simplified. Girls have always been very proud of you. They have always admired you and loved you a lot.  
M: I know.

They broke off and went to bed, each on their own.

C: You should have told me about all this. I do not know if at that time I would have been ready to have a third child, given the support group's place and your career in our life. But we could have talked about it anyway. I understand our discussion better when I thought I was pregnant. You must have been disappointed that day ...  
M: I had a touch of disappointment, that's right. But when we lost Amanda, everything was questioned. And I knew deep inside me that we would be contradicting on this subject if I spoke to you about it. Amanda's departure to reinforce this desire to be a father again. Simply because I wanted to be able to live something with you that brings us together, and that we can live together. I thought that might help us. But when I looked at you, I thought it was impossible for me to ask you that. You suffered so much, you had so much trouble even to trust me again. How do you ask to carry our child, when we had just taken away our eldest daughter?  
C: And you saw right because you know that for a long time I thought only of my own pain and the horror that I lived of not having Amanda with us anymore. I could not have become pregnant during this period, it would have been impossible. On the one hand because I would not have wanted, but on the other hand because my body would not have wanted. Because you know that it could have been a possibility ...  
M: What do you mean by that?  
C: I mean, I had forgotten for two weeks to take my pill Michael. Remember that I got pregnant with Amanda and Emmalin while I was taking her. That's why I was afraid of getting pregnant without really wanting it. When I believed it, I waited a good week before going to see my doctor, so much I was anxious to think that I was really pregnant. But that did not happen, because being so consumed by grief, I do not even know how I did to stand up every day. But my body gave me strength just to stay upright, and nothing else.  
M: You mean that if life had decided, everything could have been different.  
C: It's even safe. And if I did not talk to you about it, it's because I wanted to be able to accept this new one alone before announcing it so that I could bear the consequences with you and not on our own.  
M: But we did not have to do it.  
C: No And so much the better. I'm sorry to hear that for you it started from a real desire. I hope you do not have too many regrets about that.  
M: Well, no, because the moments we had afterwards made me so happy that I forgot that little time. And nothing matters to me to have you by my side every day of our lives.

Claudia approached him and kissed him. She answered with a little humor.

C: So in this case, get ready because tomorrow we will only be both, and we will have to support ourselves say three months since Emmalin will come back for the end of year celebrations.

Michael laughed.

M: This program suits me perfectly.

Claudia smiled at him.

C: I love you honey.

They kissed each other.

M: Me too. Good night.

They fell asleep entwined in each other's arms, soothing. And yet, the next day, Emmalin left for three months without being able to return to Fort Marshall. Michael was back to work on Monday. And despite all, as much as Claudia felt some anxiety.  
Emmalin's trip was at its best and his parents were reassured to have him on the phone that night. A new year full of challenge for her including one of them who was back in a big ice hockey team. She wanted to take the test of selection to enter the United States national team directly, but coming from a university team, she knew she should make her way. She hoped to be admitted to the Whitecaps of Minnesota or the Boston Blades. She would know it in a few months.  
For Michael, it was also a bit of a comeback for him since he was going back to work that day. Claudia continued her work habits too. Work in the office in the morning and work at home in the afternoon. Even if they did not talk about it, they feared this recovery. Michael will adapt easily to the situation at work, but what about this new organization? He feared that everything would go wrong, how before. For her part, Claudia hoped not to fall back into the problems of previous months. That morning, she accompanied her husband to the office to wish him good luck. She went to the secretariat to see if she had any administrative mail in her name. On leaving, she passed Colonel Young.

K: Oh ... hello Mrs. Holden.  
C: Claudia, please. Hello Colonel.  
K: How's the general this morning?  
C: Michael is fine, thank you. He recovered perfectly and he was delighted to be able to resume.  
K: Nice to hear it. Everything has been complicated in recent weeks without him here.  
C: I doubt it yes. I think he will fix it quickly.  
K: All the better. I ... I'll leave you, my reports are waiting for me.  
It's good. Have a good day.

They left each other courteously. Kat Young had been to see Michael at the hospital during his coma. She had come twice to check in at home too, Claudia had then directed her to Michael but they had never really discussed. Seeing her that morning, Claudia thought that maybe instead of being so cold, everything could be improved. She decided to talk to Michael that night. Their respective day went well. Michael was a little lost and all the reports had arrived at the same time today. He had found his marks despite everything and arrive in the coming days to find his organization too. Claudia as expected returned to work at home in the afternoon, Monday morning being devoted to the FRG recently. She appreciated being able to give her opinion and help Jackie and Denise to organize big events on the base.  
When Michael returned around 7pm, it was nice to see Claudia at her desk. He suspected that she still had to work. While he hoped that she would not work too late, he saw her arrive in his office. Hearing her husband back, the latter had recorded his record in progress and tidy his office to join him. No matter what she was doing, she had decided it had to be that way every day. Arriving in Michael's office, she saw that he looked tired. She then approached him.

M: Hey ... how are you?

She kissed him very gently.

M: It's good to have this little attention when you get home.

They hugged each other.

C: Hard day?  
M: We can say that. I was a little lost, and a lot of reports arrived at the same time. Without forgetting that I saw everyone parade to wish me a good return, so I was often cut in my work.  
C: Give yourself time to find your marks. I'm sure Franck did a great job, followed by Kevin afterwards.  
M: I grant you, they did an exemplary job. I would also like Franck's work to be recognized in the Pentagon, to have a promotion, he really deserves it. And you, how was your day ?  
C: All right, I went to the FRG and this afternoon I worked at home.  
M: Until I get home?  
C: Yes, without pause. I have a lot of work so I prefer to do like this to be available when you come back.  
M: Okay. We're having dinner soon?  
C: In an hour.  
M: Well, I'll be able to read some reports in this case.  
C: Ok.

Claudia joined the kitchen. But she stopped to observe her husband. They were gradually regaining their balance. They were relieved to see that everything would become normal little by little. The week ended quickly. On Friday night, Claudia put a discussion on the agenda.

C: Michael, I've been thinking a lot this week and ... how's the work with Colonel Young going?  
M: With Kat ... professional relationship, nothing more.  
C: Kat?  
M: Claudia, we are called by our ranks at work but outside as with Franck, I call him by his first name. Do not forget that we had become friends before ... well before what.  
C: I know. Do not you have trouble working with her anyway?  
M: Yes, but only because I can not be natural with her. Yet you know that I like to put a climate of trust at work and to behave humanely towards everyone, despite the ranks and the rules.  
C: Listen, I met Kat Young on Monday morning by going to the secretariat. Our discussion remained very cold. I do not like that either. She is a colleague at the same level as Franck and Kevin even if it is not the same rank. You work in collaboration with the Air Force and she is the referent of this collaboration for you. You can not let this climate settle between her and you.  
M: Thank you for the advice. But should I remind you that wanting a friendly relationship with her has almost cost us a divorce?  
C: Honey, I'm just talking to you about whether or not you could put things flat?  
M: Yes, we talked a lot the days before I left on a mission. But despite his few visits to the hospital or here to take news, we never spoke of all that. I do not know if I really want to do it Claudia. We managed to regain our stability, I do not want to go back to the past. Are you going to talk to him hum?  
C: No, no Michael, I ... I just wanted to avoid that every time we cross her and I are on the defensive. And ...

Michael was staring at her insistently.

C: Yes, I would like to talk to him.  
M: I have always trusted you, it is not today that it will change so if you think it's a good thing to do it then do it.  
C: Do you think?  
M: Yes. I spoke with her before my mission, I told you and it allowed us to leave behind us. But concerning you, it would be nice if you did the same thing.

Claudia nodded. Michael was right and she hoped to talk to Kat Young quickly. What could be done the following Friday. Indeed, Claudia always took Friday afternoon to help the FRG. That evening, a rally was held at the headquarters level, in one of the party rooms to welcome newcomers. All were busy in the afternoon to prepare the room. Claudia then saw Kat Young back in his office. She told Denise she was coming back. Denise was quite surprised to see her call Kat Young and talk to her.

C: Colonel Young?  
K: Oh hello Claudia.  
C: Excuse me for disturbing you but would you have a few minutes to give me?

Kat Young was destabilized.

K: Hum I ... yes of course. Come to my office.

They settled in the colonel's office.

K: I'm listening to you.

Claudia watched him for a few seconds. Then she spoke.

C: Have you been able to talk to my husband again about this little incident?  
K: Well if you talk about the same thing I'm thinking about, yes. But do you really want to talk about that now?  
C: No, absolutely not, the past is in the past and everything is fine with my husband and I do not want it to stop. What I will just like is that ... let's say, that our exchanges are less cold.  
K: I understand what you mean. But ... listen, I apologized thousands of times and I ...  
C: I know, and I do not want to go back on that either ... but I wanted to tell you that nothing can be forgiven you since there is nothing to forgive. I was not mad at you, but at myself ...

Kat wanted to talk but she changed her mind. She did not really know what to say.

C: It's not a secret for anyone; we had a lot of trouble with Michael and I had a lot of trouble in this story. So I wish to excuse myself for being carried away towards you.  
K: Oh I ... it's not worth Claudia. The situation has been complicated for everyone.  
C: I can only agree with that.  
K: And I'm really bad at judging you. I think we can leave that in the past and have a more cordial relationship in the future. And I'm glad to know that everything is fine now.  
C: Thank you. I leave you to work. Good evening.

They shook hands. Before leaving, Kat gave one last word to Claudia.

K: Just know that you are very lucky to have him by your side Claudia.  
C: Thank you.

Claudia then let Kat Young work. Leaving the office, she met Michael. She explained quickly that everything had gone well, before they met at home at 6 pm, before returning to the reception at 7 pm. They kissed tenderly in front of Kat's eyes. The latter radically changed the image she had of Michael. She was really touched to see them both, even after 25 years of marriage, even in public. She then saw Michael as a simple friend and colleague and was rather in awe of the relationship he could have with his wife.  
That evening, Michael was delighted that between his wife and his colleague everything was less electric. So they went to the party, happy to have their life back in their hands. Michael was not worried anymore. As early as the next Monday morning, he found that his relationship with Colonel Young was improving and they began to joke and start small spades as before. Michael was delighted with that and was not worried about the future. This good agreement at work with Kat could not continue. Indeed, he learned that at the end of the month, he would be expected for three months in NATO in Brussels, after a week at the Pentagon. As his mission was not completed, it was important for the Pentagon and NATO to have the necessary reports, and the leaders wanted Michael to attend the meetings and hold various talks with the generals to give them as much information as possible. . When he returned that night, he was demoralized. Claudia saw him immediately.

C: Something is wrong honey?  
M: Claudia, I'm leaving at the end of the month.

She felt her heart racing.

C : What ? Are you deploying ?

Michael felt in his voice a great fear. Claudia panicked. Michael had just emerged from an extremely difficult time. Having to go on a mission was dangerous, and that could have serious consequences.

M: No honey, I leave for a week at the Pentagon, before flying to NATO in Brussels.  
C: You scared me Michael.  
M: I'm leaving for three months, to be able to bring what they expected higher by the mission that ended badly.  
C: I see. That said, three months is not much.  
M: I will not be here again for the end of year celebrations.  
C: Emmalin will be here for two weeks. What do you say to see us come to Brussels for a week or more hum?  
M: Do you think that would be possible? And despite your work?  
C: Michael, I have leave to take like any employee in this country. So of course it's possible. Even though Emmalin will have revisions, I'm sure she'd love the idea.

Michael took his wife in his arms.

M: In this case I am reassured.  
C: You're leaving soon then.  
M: Yes. I'm starting to get used to my job here, and I have to leave.  
C: Michael, you have to skip all that. Are you going to Europe, not to a war country?  
M: I know.  
C: The separations we are used to. Everything is back in order now, our problems are behind us. It's time to get back to our habits before, when you went on a mission and everything was fine for everyone. Whether you're far away, or me, you've been married for 25 years, and a departure from one or the other will not change that. Nobody abandons anyone, everyone just does his job. Our life now is to live together at home, in our intimacy, in our relationship; but to live separately for our work. And that's what will happen in a few weeks. This will not prevent us from calling, chatting with Skype every day if you wish. We will need this daily contact anyway, you know it as well as me. But finished the anxieties. And you will see that we will be much better at keeping our couple united, that it will create us much less worries.  
M: And you're absolutely right. What will I do without you ...  
C: I love you Michael.

For a simple answer, Michael kissed him. He was so proud to have married this woman and to have him close to him every day. Claudia's words had reboosted her so much she was right. Everything had to come back as before when they had that infallible confidence between them, and the certainty that everything would be fine, despite the small inconveniences that could sometimes occur. He apprehended much better his future departure.  
The next day, Claudia contacted the First Lady first, who explained that the project was progressing little by little and that there remained some bases to visit in the country including two in the coming weeks. Michael was delighted to learn that his wife was resuming his obligations to the army at both grassroots and national levels. He knew she would manage everything without forgetting her or forgetting her daughter now. Claudia also had the President of the Spencer Prize on the phone. A meeting was scheduled to take place in two weeks in Washington. She realized then that Michael was leaving on Friday for the Pentagon, that he would be on Saturday in important lunch with a meeting in the afternoon, day of his own meeting for the Spencer Prize. When she hung up, Michael was coming home from work. The latter appeared in the living room.

M: Hi honey.  
C: Michael! I have a good new !  
M: Good news?  
C: I'll be able to come with you to Washington, at least for the weekend you're leaving.  
M: What?  
C: I have a meeting for the Spencer Prize, the last one before going next month the four days on the base where the events take place. And it's the same weekend. So I could go with you on Friday afternoon, I will not go to the FRG exceptionally, I think Denise will understand.  
M: But it's great!

Claudia stood up with a smile.

C: I find it too.  
M: Oh Claudia, I'm really happy.  
C: I will not be back here until Monday morning because I could not go to the FRG meeting for once. So we can enjoy, go to dinner on Saturday night just both and enjoy our Sunday really entirely.  
M: Claudia, you do not have to miss out on your obligations to the FRG, you know it's important that you keep this activity on the base.  
C: I know Michael, but I'll have the next three me to keep this activity.  
M: Okay. Thank you sweatheart.

They took each other in their arms and hugged each other tightly. Everything smiled on them. And nothing could have tarnished all that. Simply, the two weeks that followed, Michael noticed something that intrigued him. Indeed, that he returns at 18h, or 21h because of meeting, work, he found Claudia working on his computer. But the latter joining him directly, he did not pay more attention to this detail. Indeed, Claudia made sure to turn off his computer when Michael returned. She did not want to endanger her relationship anymore, and decided to spend her evenings with her husband rather than with her computer. Michael did not worry. Still, he should have.

The day of departure had arrived. They were driven to the airport by Michael's driver. The flight went very well. Upon his arrival, Michael was greeted by army officers. Claudia was a little behind, before Michael introduced her. She noticed that she had missed following her husband for important events. She was so proud to see that Michael was really considered in his job by his career and his actions on the ground during his missions. They were then taken to one of the big hotels of the city where a big room waited for Michael, the one where he would stay the week to come. This Friday night, they had free quarters, each having their obligation the next day. They went out to dinner in the city, and wandered a little in the streets. It was the first time in months that they could enjoy just two.  
Saturday was busy for each of them. So they stayed for dinner in their quiet hotel room.

M: How lucky that your meeting fell this week.  
C: I told myself exactly the same thing. Too bad you're in Brussels in three weeks because I'm going back here to join the first lady. We have two bases to visit, one of which we were when we settled together.  
M: That's right?  
C: Hmm hum, the very first. Do you remember ?  
M: If I remember? Small house, without any furniture inside, we had to borrow from the deposit of the base elsewhere. My schedule to extension, which we also have some concern at the start.

Claudia smiled at him. Indeed she had trouble managing the little see Michael the first weeks of their life together.

M: What else to add? That I was the happiest in the world because it was our first days together, our first nights together. I'm sure I remember it.  
C: I think one of the greatest joys lived there is our marriage.  
M: How to forget it? We found the foundations of our couple there because you agreed to live with me by settling with me there, you accepted my marriage proposal and our wedding took place there. I can not forget what this base has allowed us to live.

Claudia was touched. She thought the same thing. Time had passed so fast. And yet this base reminded them of the beginning of their life together, the beginning of their beautiful story. They watched each other in silence before Michael spoke.

M: I love you so much Claudia.  
C: Oh ... I love you too honey.

They took hands in affection and continued to dine. They enjoyed a maximum of Sunday rest for both. Although they feared Claudia's departure the next morning, they felt a touch of sadness; to leave for three months. They did not want that but the army decided otherwise. Goodbye on Monday morning was still smiling and full of tenderness.

M: Do you warn me when you're okay?  
C: Accounts-on me. Good luck for the week ahead and let me know about your departure and arrival in Brussels. I will be so worried.  
M: You will not have to be everything will be fine. But I know that with distance everything is more complicated. You kiss Emmalin for me as soon as you have it on the phone.  
C: I would, promised. I will tell you for the holidays how we organize ourselves. But I can not wait to be there.  
M: Oh Claudia, honey, I miss you so much already.  
C: To me too Michael. But we love each other, it's the most important.

Michael then took his wife in his arms and kissed him on the hair. When he broke away from her, he imprinted the beauty of his face, of his eyes in his head. He then captured his lips with a lot of love. It was time for Claudia to leave. She turned to see Michael one last time before leaving and he read on his lips "I love you". In the early afternoon, he received a message from Claudia. She had arrived safely at Fort Marshall. Life was resuming. Michael was very busy the first week and had little time to call Claudia. They only had a few minutes each time to tell themselves that everything was fine for both of them, that everything was going well and that they were constantly thinking about each other. Michael could not see whathe was going to his place.

While Michael was not home, Claudia made the decision to move forward on his files. She kept the Monday morning and Friday afternoon important for the FRG but the rest of the week was not really organized anymore. Either she spent the day at the office or the day at home and worked tirelessly on her records. His former colleague retired, the firm was officially renamed "Chandler, Holden & White". Michael was so proud to hear the news. Denise and Jackie did not come back either. Claudia was then more than proud to read her name at the entrance of the firm now. Everything was smiling at him right now, everything was fine in his work, and they loved each other more than ever with Michael, everything was back to normal. However,Denise quickly noticed that Claudia was working tirelessly. She wanted to point him out.

C: Do not worry, I know it. But I take advantage of it that Michael is not there to precisely advance a maximum. I have three big files right now plus a dozen more on hold. We can not do everything in time it is certain and our customers know it very well, but very sincerely there are some business which I would like to get rid quickly because morally heavy enough.  
D: Okay, I understand. I was scared that ...  
C: No, as soon as Michael comes back, I'll take over my organization. But I would never fall back into what happened, I give you my word.  
D: So I'm reassured.

Denise did not feel any problem with that. Maybe she should have. The following weekend, Michael left for Brussels and moved even further away from his wife and daughter. However, his busy days made time fast. Claudia had weeks but also busy weekends, between appointments for the Spencer Prize and appointments with the First Lady and visits to the bases of planned. She did not breathe much. The more days passed, the more she worked. She was passing from Fort Marshall to Washington in the space of a few hours and came back practically in the wake. Without noticing it, fatigue increased for her. Little by little, she reduced her sleep hours to finish a paragraph in a report or to go to an early appointment as early as had a really fast lifestyle. When Michael phoned or skipped her, he did not notice anything as she was still taking calls so she could see him or talk to him. Emmalin used to call him regularly and no one was worried about all this because everyone was living the life he had to live at this moment as they were all separated for a while.  
But after two weeks, Claudia had a lot of headaches, she thought that had been due to her diabetes but after various exams, everything showed that on that side, everything was fine. She became sensitive and became angry more quickly. She was often on the verge of tears when everything was not going the way she wanted at work. She chained weekends and weeks between Washington and Fort Marshall. So that after a while she was completely exhausted. It had been a month since Michael had left. The month of November arrived with him the beginning of winter, less sun and longer nights. But Claudia did not stop her rhythm of life so far. That week was more than difficult. She hardly slept anymore, and her round trips had exhausted her. One morning,she was unable to get up, her mind and body were not responding. She collapsed to the ground, in tears.

Not seeing Claudia come to the office that morning, Grant worried. He knew Michael was not there, and it would be useless to call him. Claudia was not answering her cell phone or her landline. He then remembered that Claudia had planned to work at home, having to receive her friend to be able to validate printed flyers for an upcoming event on the base. But without answer from him he was worried despite everything. For her part, Denise arrived at her friend's house. Having the keys, she opened the front door. Claudia was not at her desk, her computer was closed. She could hear the telephone ringing and the mobile phone ringing. After a quick tour in the kitchen, she realized that something was wrong. She found Claudia on the floor near her bed. She lifted it.

D: Claudia, what's going on?

She saw that Claudia was really bad. She called an ambulance and Claudia was admitted to the hospital. Denise warned Jackie who arrived immediately.

D: I'm not allowed to see her. There must be something.  
J: His diabetes or kidney?  
D: No, it's something else. The doctor is with her in her room.  
J: We have to wait for Denise. I'm sure it's not that bad.

Seeing the doctor's face as he approached them, Jackie regretted his words.

Me: Denise, come to my office.

Denise found herself in front of the doctor, a colleague.

Me: If I made you come here it was because I did not want to talk in the waiting room.  
D: Something happened?  
Me: It is clearly established that the general's wife is doing a burnout.  
D: What? But how is it possible?  
Me: Stress and anxiety, little sleep see not at all, much too much work. These are the signs generally. You did not notice anything?  
D: No, her husband is in Brussels and yes she was working a bit more than usual since he is not here but I know Claudia, she would not have put her health at risk.  
Me: She did not put herself in danger, she did not realize, it's different. We'll have to warn her husband.  
D: I take care of it. Can I go see her?  
Me: No, for the moment I do not want her to see her friends, her family, her relatives, everyone she knows by sight.  
D: Why?  
Me: To avoid reminding him of his current life, synonymous with this burn-out.  
D: So when will we be able to see it?  
Me: When I will have decided. For the moment she must rest, and stabilized her state of anxiety and above all her state of sensibility. It is the most important.

D: Okay.  
Me: I'll give you news, do not worry.

Denise exited the doctor's office stunned. How could this happen? She explained the situation to Jackie who was also in shock. They warned Roland, Pamela and Roxy, among others. All agreed not to divulge Claudia's condition to anyone else. Denise wanted Roland to come but he explained that it would be useless because for the moment no friend can go to see Claudia.  
That night she called Michael to explain what was going on.

M: Denise, how are you?  
D: Michael, I'm calling you because something has happened.  
M: How so?  
D: Claudia is in the hospital!

Michael sighed, worried.

M: What's going on?  
D: Listen, I saw the doctor and according to him, Claudia burns.  
M: A burnout? But that's not possible, Denise. I got her on the phone every other day or so, she was fine. Yes she had a few dark circles but nothing dramatic. You did not notice anything particular?  
D: I went to see her many times and not nothing. She took the time to come to the FRG, take you on the phone or on Skype, she was fine. At first I was a little worried because she worked quite late at home but she told me that since you were not at home, she took advantage to advance on issues quite difficult morally.  
M: Denise, even though she has worked a lot more than normal, she can not burn out! I will contact the doctor tomorrow morning.  
D: I'm like you Michael, in shock. Especially since they did not let me see her.  
M: For what reason?  
D: The doctor told me that it would remind him of his current life and therefore the reason for his burnout.  
M: Denise I ... I'm lost, I do not understand.  
D: Believe me, I'm in the same situation as you.  
M: Listen, see Chandler in the office, ask him for an explanation. If something has happened with the job he will know how to tell you.  
D: But they do not work in the same office and ...  
M: I know but he was always considerate with Claudia and he told me the last time he kept an eye on her. As odd as it may sound, I was a little reassured that he could watch over her during his work days. I know that nothing will happen between them and I trust him now.  
D: Ok, I'm not on guard tomorrow morning, I'll go see him.  
M: I call the doctor between two meetings to find out more. We remember after lunch.  
D: Okay. Michael, whatever happens, even though I can not see her for the moment, I'll do my best to make sure everything gets better.  
M: Thank you Denise, I'm so worried.  
D: Me too. But you know Claudia, she'll be fine.

They hung up next. The next morning, Michael telephoned the hospital to talk to the doctor who had Claudia in charge. The latter gave him the same diagnosis as Denise. He hoped that she had more information from Chandler's side. It was at noon that his cellphone rang.

M: So?  
D: It seems that Claudia had a frantic pace.  
M: What do you mean by that?  
D: The week after you left, she returned to Washington on weekends, and the next two weekends were weekends to two bases in the country. And Chandler told me that the week she was working a lot. It is true that on Monday morning and Friday afternoon she was with us at FRG but according to her schedule, she worked without practically taking a break. He told me that she did not even take the time to eat this week. Michael, she pulled too much on the rope. She wanted to move at best to be more quiet on your return.  
M: I do not understand how she got into this situation, not after what we lived a few months ago.  
D: She was aware of what she was doing Michael. And in my opinion she was caught in a gear without realizing the schedules she was doing. Chandler told me that on several occasions she had returned one morning with complicated minutes of drafting, briefs for the trial. According to him, she could only do that by being a sleepless night.  
M: Lord ... the doctor's diagnosis is plausible.  
D: Too much accumulated fatigue, work stress and the fact that you're not here, and a lot of anxiety for a lot of other things and we have the perfect cocktail of a burn-out Michael.  
M: How will it work for her?  
D: She has medication right now. You have to wait for her anxiety state to decrease so you can start talking with her, see what happened in her mind. Then she will have a little less difficult treatment and I could think I go see her at that time.  
M: The doctor told me that I could not even call him.

D: I know, but it's the best for her right now. You know, even if I'm in Mercer, I can not go see her myself, so you'll be there, it'll be the same.  
M: You do not imagine my condition right now.  
D: I can imagine Michael. But I give you my word to take care of her as I do not agree?  
M: Of course. You hold me informed.  
D: Of course. I take news every day, do not worry.

Claudia's condition was improving little by little but the doctor was not confident. A week after being admitted, Denise who came to the news every day arrived in the doctor's office before taking custody.

M: Ah Denise, come in.  
D: How's Claudia today?  
M: A little better. She sleeps now for several hours in a row at night.  
D: With all that she takes as medicine is normal no?  
M: Denise, she has anti-depressants yes but it's to help her get better at the level of morale already. If that does not work out at this level, the result may be complicated.  
D: I know, I know the procedures in this type of situation. I'm so sick of knowing it alone in a room. Her husband is very bad too.  
M: Denise, her diabetes is stabilized, and the tests show that her kidney is fine. There are no after-effects other than exhaustion, this great anxiety and the beginning of depression. And it will settle, we will take the time it takes but it will get back on its feet.  
D: For her, she would need to be able to see her.  
M: It's impossible. To see you will relapse. It will come one day but not right now.

Denise really understood the doctor's goal. Claudia get better as much as possible. Days followed and looked alike. Michael had more and more trouble not being able to call him. Emmalin was also very worried and had trouble concentrating in class. A week later, Claudia was still better. The doctor could reduce or even stop some drugs. Claudia was slowly regaining her senses. During a daily visit the doctor understood that his condition was really improving. The nurse came in to give her morning medicine.

I: Hello, how are you this morning?  
C: I do not know, I have the feeling that I'm slowly getting back to my senses.  
I: I know it's difficult but do not worry, your condition really improves.  
C: Do you know Denise Sherwood?

The nurse was surprised by this question. It was the first time in two weeks that Claudia pronounced the name of a close person. This questioned the nurse.

I: Yes, I am his colleague.  
C: How is she?  
I: She asks for your news every day.

The nurse then mentioned her husband's name. She wanted to see how Claudia would react.

I: Just like your husband.  
C: Michael?  
I: Yes, he often calls the doctor and Denise gives him news every day.

The nurse saw that Claudia's eyes were fogging and she began to cry.

C: What will he think of all this?  
I: Do not worry, what matters to him is to know that you are well, nothing more.  
C: Ok.

The nurse left Claudia to find the doctor. The latter found that Claudia's sensitivity was really important just talking about her husband. It was therefore not advisable to give permission to relatives to phone or come to see her. The following days were complicated because no improvements were visible. The nurse felt guilty for mentioning Michael's name because maybe it had brought back bad memories to Claudia. She met Denise in the corridors and explained to her that for the moment she was no better. Denise could not stand in front of this door without being able to enter it. So that three weeks after Claudia entered the hospital, she went to see her. The doctor not being there that day, he would not know it. The nurse explained to Denise that this could be a good test. Denise then knocked on the door.

C: Yes?

The door opened on her best friend.

C: Oh Denise!  
D: Hey my beautiful.

Denise came next to Claudia. She took her in his arms.

C: Thank you for coming.  
D: Claudia, how are you?  
C: I'm lost Denise, I do not understand what happened.  
D: Did not the doctor explain to you?  
C: No, he told me that the most important thing was to rest, that he would talk to me about it later. Why am I so bad Denise?  
D: You burned out, honey. And what I ask myself is how did you get there?

Claudia sighed. So that was it. She had arrived at a point where her body let go. She was fed up with all this. Everything was complicated in a few months. When was all that going to stop?  
Claudia was holding her head with one hand in front of her eyes.

C: So with Michael have made it to that? That everyone in turn is lost or something happens to us? How many trials will we still have to undergo?  
D: I know Claudia, I know.  
C: I'm sorry Denise. I could see that I was working a lot but I got into a gear without being able to get rid of it. I set goals for myself before Michael came back. I wanted nothing to change when he came back, and for that I had to finish important files.  
D: So is it for Michael all that?

Claudia nodded. She had tears in her eyes. Suddenly, Claudia got angry with herself and became angry. Denise understood that this beginning of depression, accentuated her feelings, her moods. Claudia saw herself as negative and denigrated herself. Denise had never seen it like that. Denise managed to calm her down. But being her best friend, she also realized that seeing friends and family would be good for her. The doctor did not come back until the end of the week. Denise went to see Claudia every day. And his condition was getting better and better, more than the last three weeks.  
On Friday the doctor came back. Denise and the nurse informed her of the Claudia's progress. The latter was astonished that in such a short time she is this positive evolution. She slept better, had no more mood swings, and had talked with Denise and the nurse from Michael, Emmalin, and others, without being too emotional. But the doctor was categorical. Denise got angry and started a verbal battle with the doctor. She won her case. Claudia would be entitled to a few visits and agreed, subject to conditions, that Michael could call him. Denise was more serene. She knew that her best friend would be better. She wanted to warn Michael about all this, but she could not reach him. The latter was on a very important meeting day and he had turned off his phone. The same evening he dined with the senior officers. He only saw Denise's missed call when he came home, rather late. He noticed that she had not left voicemail or text messages. Given the time, he did not call her back and preferred to wait for the next day, Sunday, so that she could call him back.

So the next day in the early afternoon, his phone rang. However, he did not expect to receive this call.


	5. Chapter 5 - Love of family

Michael saw that the number that was displayed began in the same way as the one in the hospital. If the doctor phoned him, it did not have to be a good sign.

M: General Holden.  
C: Michael, honey, it's me.

He was speechless to hear his wife's voice. How was that possible? Did Denise allow him to call softly? Did the doctor authorize it? He knew that Claudia was getting a little better each day but from there to being able to have him on the phone, he was lost, but so happy. Especially since these days, they celebrated 25 years of their meeting. Being able to talk to each other at that moment, he found that it was a nice gift they could make each other.

C: Honey, how are you?  
M: Claudia, you can not imagine the joy of hearing you. I thought I was going crazy.  
C: I know. I am sorry.  
M: Do not be, if you can call me is that you're better ...  
C: Yes, the doctor allowed a few visits. Aside from Denise and Franck and Jackie, I have not seen anyone else yet. I was able to call Emmalin very quickly this morning.  
M: All right, she must have been relieved. Like me, by the way. Claudia, you have to explain to me. How why ?  
C: I had complicated files again. Since you were not there, I thought it would not be a problem to work late. I really wanted to be quiet when you came back so that everything went as well as before you left. But ... the only problem was that I accumulated fatigue without feeling it because I went and came without necessarily taking the time to take a break.

Michael realized that she had done this a little for him. He blamed himself a little internally. But he knew, this kind of problem happened to a lot of people who were very stressed at work and outside. He realized that she had wanted to manage everything head on but without sleep, she finally cracked. He was worried that he could not be near her.

M: Ok. I'll be back in two months, and then I'll take care of you.  
C: Honey, I'm sorry but I could not come for the holidays.  
M: Do not worry, it does not matter. You have to think about yourself first. The rest does not matter.  
C: Ok. We'll be able to call each other now, it will be less difficult for both of us.  
M: And I'm relieved. I can not wait to get back now if you knew. I am worried Claudia.  
C: I understand, honey. But I have Denise. And I know she gave you news every day.  
M: I can not thank her enough for everything she did. Emmalin is coming in normally, and I know she'll take care of you.  
C: Yes she arrives in two weeks. Michael, it can only get better and better. The most difficult is last me and even if there are still complicated days, I feel better.  
M: All the better. Everything will work out, I'm sure.  
C: I know.  
M: Tell yourself that better days are coming. We always managed to overcome everything both. And for 25 years now ...

Claudia realized that indeed, it had been 25 years since she had met Michael. She realized that they had made a nice journey together and that she still loved him so much.

C: That's right ... 25 years old. 25 years that I love you more than all my love.

Michael heard that Claudia's voice was shaking. He understood that maybe she was a little better but that all that had amplified all she felt. His sensitivity, but surely also his sadness, his anger, his anxieties. How did she manage her daily life? He did not want to be near her. He thanked Heaven for allowing Denise to look after her. She knew Claudia by heart, and in addition to Emmalin soon, between them, they will succeed in bringing back the Claudia that everyone knew. He then spoke to Claudia in order to remove this excess of sensitivity. But soon, Claudia's daily communication time was over. They wished each other a good evening, a good night.

M: Honey, do not forget that I love you more than anything. Even if an ocean separates us, I do not forget you. I love you Claudia.  
C: Me too Michael. See you soon.

They hung up. It was then that he remembered a discussion that dated back to me. Claudia had managed to make him think about the subject. But for Michael to leave the army was becoming an increasingly clear decision for him. Once again Claudia had not managed to manage the distance by falling headlong into her work. He sighed. He left this thought aside, he would talk to her again when the time came.  
Michael started a new week in Brussels, everything was going well and he recognized that if the mission had not ended well, it was not his fault. The reports had shown that the convoy had been taken to an unsafe place, which had not been checked before. This mistake cost the life of a general and could have cost him his own. The Pentagon and NATO agreed on this point. Michael was no longer so negative about his possible future as a general.  
He looked at the calendar. In two months, he was returning to Fort Marshall, two long and endless months away from Claudia who would have more than anything needed him. He counted on Emmalin to take care of his mother.  
For Claudia, her condition improved despite everything. She slept better, ate properly, her diabetes was under control, the drugs had been further reduced. However, she woke up several more times a night, but did not want to talk about the reason for these nocturnal awakenings. Denise had suggested that she might be able to return home so that Claudia could find her bearings. But the doctor was categorical, she was not ready yet. Two weeks later, she only woke up three or four times a night, which was little compared to the beginning of her hospitalization. That morning, Claudia had a nice surprise when the door opened. Emmalin, had just arrived from Woodsen.

C: Emmalin, honey!

Claudia took her daughter in her arms, it made him feel good.

E: Mom, how are you?  
It's better. I'll be so much better at home, with your dad, with you.  
E: I know mom. Denise told me that you were better, but the doctor thinks you need to stay a little longer here.  
C: Apparently, yes.  
E: Be patient, okay? I will take care of you.

That very afternoon, Claudia was resting. Emmalin left the room. She lives Denise in the corridors.

D: So my beautiful, on vacation?  
E: With the partials that come next, I can not really call it holidays, but I would work while mom sleeps. Denise I would like to ask you something.  
D: Tell me.  
E: I know the doctor did not agree to have Mum come home. But in a few days it's Christmas and I do not see myself spending Christmas here ...

Denise sighed.

D: I understand Emmalin. But even though I managed to convince the doctor to let your father call here and allow us to visit your mother, I could not convince her to let her go.  
E: Even for a day?  
D: Emmalin, your mother worked part-time at home, she has her desk, her computer, files. This will remind him of the work too much and risk making him relapse.  
E: And if we spend Christmas at your place?  
D: At home?  
E: Yes, nothing will remind him of work at home. And ... I'm going to tidy up at home, rearrange a bit, and if mom wants to come home, we'll try. Denise says yes, please!  
D: Emmalin, I say yes to talk to the doctor, but I do not guarantee you anything.  
E: That's just what I wanted, thanks Denise.

Denise took Emmalin in her arms. She had always loved Emmalin, especially for the relationship she had with her parents and the way she had always helped them. At the end of her care, she went to confront the doctor. She manages to convince him that maybe it would allow them to see where Claudia is going by going to a known place, without really being at home. Emmalin was so happy. However, Claudia does not welcome the news in a positive way. Emmalin understood quickly that all that was simply hiding some fear. Two days before Christmas, she tried to talk to her mother to convince her.

C: Emmalin, I do not really want to get away from the hospital.  
E: Mom, we're on the base, we'll be at Denise and Franck, that's all.  
C: It's not a very good idea, I do not know how I'm going to react and ...  
E: What are you afraid of?  
What is it ? I ... but no I ...

Claudia sighed. His daughter had once again identified the problem.

C: What are we going to say about me, about us?  
E: Mom, with Dad, you never worry about gossip. Everyone has the right to flinch in his life, we are humans, not robots.

Claudia smiles at her daughter. She knew she was right.

C: What if I do not feel well there?  
E: We'll take you back here. But I think it can only be beneficial to get out of this environment. For me it can only help you.

Claudia ended up accepting Emmalin's proposal, not without fear. On Christmas Eve, she received a call from Michael. This call gave him a balm to the heart, Michael having been full of tenderness, sweetness in his words and especially love to her. God he missed. She decided to organize a small gift for him. Denise and Emmalin were surprised by this idea and they were delighted that the idea came from Claudia. She had decided that Emmalin would call his father on Skype and give him his mother. Claudia had not mentioned going out for the day, not knowing how she would live it. But this future attention for Michael gave him morale. The next day, Christmas day, she left with Emmalin and Denise and Franck. In the car, Claudia began to panic and wanted to turn around but Emmalin insisted. Coming out of the car, Claudia felt like a relief. She breathed a big neck. Upon entering Denise and Franck, she was really happy to be here. Which presaged a nice day. It was then that Molly ran towards her. It had been a long time since the little girl had seen her godmother.

Mo: Aunt Claudia!  
C: Molly ... sweatheart, how you grew up.  
D: It's not enough to say it.

The little girl gave a hug to her godmother. Claudia was happy with this attention, which gave her happiness in her heart. She then rested her on the floor and everyone settled in the living room. The day went wonderfully well and Emmalin was really happy to see that her mother was happy too. Claudia felt like she had never been to the hospital. Understanding that the end of the day was approaching and that she should return to the hospital, she saw that she was anxious. She realized that the hospital had given her stress, a lot of questions and anxieties. She realized that she did not have to go back, that she was at home, with her daughter, and that she would be much better. Once in the car, she talked about it with her daughter.

C: Emmalin, I do not want to go back to the hospital.  
E: What?  
C: I was so good today. I need to be at home, at home, not there.  
E: Oh mom, I'm so glad to hear you say that!

She took her mother in her arms.

E: But we have the doctor's permission only for today.

Seeing the sadness and especially the anguish in his mother's eyes, Emmalin got out of the car to even Denise. Opening the door, Denise believed in a problem. She was surprised by Emmalin's words.

D: She wants to go home? Are you sure ?  
E: She asked me to go home. I feel that the hospital hurts more than anything else.  
D: It's true that the day went very well, but here. Will you react in the same way at home ?  
E: Can we sleep at home for tonight? I promise you that at the slightest trouble, I'll call you, and bring her back to the hospital.  
D: I'm big risk Emmalin, you know it. Now, the doctor will only be there on Friday, so we have a day tomorrow to see how things are going.  
E: So?  
D: Ok, but at the slightest worry, you call me!  
E: That's Denise. Thank you !

Emmalin returned to the car to tell the news to his mother. So they went home to both of them. Arriving in front of the house, Claudia felt her heart racing. Stress, her anxieties, everything came back, but she said nothing. On entering the house, she felt a certain appeasement, mixed with incomprehension. She started crying.

E: Mom, had a bad idea, I call Denise.  
C: No, especially not. It's so good to be at home. I realize that's all I need. It's just that ... your father is not here.  
E: I understand. Are you sure it will be ok ?  
C: Hum hum.

Emmalin was not totally confident but wanted to trust his mother. Before going to bed, she called her father on Skype. Claudia entered Emmalin's room just as Michael picked up. She motioned for her daughter to be quiet.

M: Hey my big!  
E: Dad! How is it going ?  
M: Well, well, I was invited to one of the generals for Christmas. I had a good day, although I would have preferred you to be with me.  
E: I know daddy. Look, the day went well for us too. Mom is fine.  
M: Are you sure? And besides, I thought you were spending nights with her in the hospital, but you're home there! There is a problem ?

Claudia sat on the bed beside Emmalin, without being in the field of view of the webcam.

E: Dad, I'm sure. And no, there is no problem. Today we spent Christmas, outside the hospital.  
M: What? But how does your mother react, it was not contraindicated by the doctor?  
E: No, the doctor had agreed, but you know what? I will let the person involved explain all that to you.

Emmalin moved the computer so Michael could see them both. The latter was shaken to see his wife at home.

M: Claudia? But ... what's going on?  
C: Sweatheart, I'm so happy to see you, I miss you so much.  
M: Oh me too honey. How are you ?

Michael's eyes were wet.

C: As Emmalin just told you, the doctor allowed me to spend the day with Denise and Franck for Christmas. I was afraid of not being well, and it was the opposite. Michael I could breathe during this day, I had the impression to find my breath.  
M: Oh Claudia, I'm so happy!  
C: I realized that I could not go back to the hospital. So we came to the house. Denise told me that we would see how tomorrow is going, but it is possible that I can definitely come back.  
M: Claudia, I'm so relieved. To see you there and to know that you're really better, I think it's the best gift you could give me.  
C: I know honey.

Emmalin realized that his parents were in their bubble and that they began to use loving words to each other. So she slipped away, leaving them somehow to meet.  
Claudia felt her heart pounding, and as each time, the fatigue she felt grew louder, the lack of Michael too, just like this sadness deep inside her. Fine tears ran down her cheeks.

M: Honey, what's going on? Tell me.  
C: Being here shows me how much I miss you. I need you so much Michael.

This sentence split his heart. Michael felt a lot of emotion and kept crying.

M: Claudia, I miss you a lot too. And I wish I could be with you. But we know you and me that it is not possible. In a little over a month, I will be home. You'll spend almost two weeks with Emmalin, you'll see, time will pass quickly.

Claudia admired her husband through the computer screen, the latter was doing the same. They wanted to throw themselves into each other's arms. It was the hardest for them, to have so many attentions and needs of tenderness, without being able to give it to each other. Michael decided to pick himself up and make Claudia feel better for tonight.

M: Honey, never forget that I love you more than anything. And that's the most important right now. It's our love that will keep us going and that will solve all this. Okay ?  
C: That's right, you're right.  
M: You're going to sleep, you're exhausted, I see, and after a good night, everything will be better. You're not alone, Emmalin is with you and she'll take care of you. And soon I'll be there, soon it's me who will take care of you.  
C: So hurry back.

All this gave Claudia a smile that calmed down over the words filled with sweetness and tenderness Michael. But he saw that his wife was still very fragile. He did not know if the fact that she was coming home was a good idea but he liked to say yes. The time had come to hang up.

M: It's promised. Now we are going to sleep, and that makes us one day less to wait.  
C: You're right.

There were a few seconds of white. Michael imprinted Claudia's face in his memory.

M: I love you Claudia, I love you so much.  
C: I love you to sweatheart.  
M: Pass a beautiful night, and I'm here, always.

They gave each other a kiss across the screen and hung up. The first night went well for Emmalin and Claudia. Denise arrived in the morning to bring Claudia's medicine. She was also relieved to see that everything had gone well. She informed Emmalin that if the day goes well, she would inform the doctor of this little test hoping that the latter agrees that she remains permanently at home. The first day went well. But Emmalin saw that her mother often isolated herself. She could sit for hours, thinking. She did not know if it was positive or not. That evening, Denise came back to see if everything had gone well.

D: So Emmalin, the day went well?  
E: Yes, you know that I had put away his computer, his files, and rearranged a little so that his office was not really his office. So she does not think about her work.  
D: And you did well.  
E: But there is something that intrigues me. This morning and this afternoon she stayed almost three hours, sitting, thinking, doing nothing.  
D: I see. You know Emmalin, in the hospital, your mother found the time very long. There was not much to care for. So she sat there for hours, sitting next to the window, thinking, thinking. To which I can not tell you, but in any case it is not necessarily worrying.  
E: Okay.  
D: How was the night?  
E: Well, but I think it's because she could see Dad on Skype. You would have seen happiness in his eyes. Denise, the only person who should be there to help him is him.  
D: I know my big, I know. But for now we have to do with the situation and we will manage okay?  
E: I'm leaving in ten days.  
D: Ten days less to your mother to wait for your father. We will take care of her. And I promise you she will not go back to the hospital.

Emmalin nodded. Within a day, Claudia had smiled again. The doctor could not deny it and forbid her to stay at home. The same evening, Michael telephoned him quickly, he had an important meeting. Claudia would have liked to hear it longer. After a movie with Emmalin, they went to bed and fell asleep quickly.

The next morning we rang the bell. Claudia decided to go open. Two men, two soldiers were standing in front of her.

Mi: Mrs. Holden?  
C: Yes herself.  
Mi: Hello ma'am. You confirm that we are the wife of General Michael Holden?  
C: Yes of course but ... what's going on?  
Mi: Madam, we regret to announce that General Holden was the victim of a violent attack on NATO in Brussels and that he was killed on the spot.

Claudia understood it in a few seconds. Michael was dead, and she would never see him again. The pain she had been feeling for a few weeks intensified. He intensified so much that she felt a great pain, it hurt so much. She could not answer the men in front of her. She stops at the door to avoid falling, she gasps.

C: No ...  
Mi: Madam, we are terribly sorry. Would you like ...

Claudia dropped to the floor. She cried. Everything became blurred, noises, words, everything became very distant. Emmalin came down the stairs without knowing what was happening, she called her mother but Claudia heard nothing. Everything was going slow, the only thing she felt was that pain in her heart. She thought she had experienced the most painful thing in losing Amanda, nothing was comparable to what she felt now. Never again would he take her in his arms. Never again would he whisper her words full of tenderness just for her, never again she would fall asleep against him, never again she would have the happiness of feeling the warmth of her lips against his, never again she would hear him to call my heart, my love, never again would he tell him I love you. The man she had been in love with for 25 years, the man she loved more than anything since they met, never again would he come back here. She realized then that the love she felt for him was so strong, stronger than she could have told him, even stronger than she had ever been able to prove. She realized that this horrible pain, this immense pain was equal to the love she felt for him. She was so bad. Too bad. She screamed Michael's name, as if to try to evacuate this overflow of pain. She opened her eyes again.

She was in her room. It was dark. She was crying, she could hardly breathe. Looking around, she saw that it was two o'clock in the morning. Emmalin had just arrived when she heard her mother scream. She managed to get her out of her torpor.

E: Mom ... Mom, it's me.  
C: Emmalin but ... what are you doing here and ... what's going on?  
E: You woke me up when you called dad. Your voice was full of terror, of suffering. You made me scared mom.

Claudia looked at her daughter with incomprehension. They had been taught that morning that Michael was dead, and Emmalin looked good. Claudia did not understand. Emmalin explained to him what had happened.

E: Mom, you came home, you're not in the hospital anymore. You have just woken up in tears and frightened. What is happening ?  
C: What day are we?  
E: Yesterday was Thursday, December 26, 2013. Why?

Claudia had just understood. She had just had a nightmare, a horrible nightmare. She sighed a big blow, she started crying again but with relief this time. She took her daughter in her arms.

C: Thank you Emmalin. Do not worry, everything is fine.  
E: Are you sure?  
C: Yes. I had to have a nightmare. I was lost, I did not know when we were but, all is well I promise you. Go back to bed, I'll go for a drink of water and go back to sleep.  
E: Okay. I love you mom.  
C: Me too my angel.

Claudia got up to drink and went back to bed. She turned around, Michael's place was empty. Yes she was relieved to understand that this nightmare was unreal, but the lack of Michael was even more present. She would have wanted to turn around, see him sleeping near her. She wanted to get close to him, stick to him to go back to sleep. Michael would have turned around, he would have taken him in his arms, against him and she would have fallen asleep, reassured, in his arms that surrounded him with so much love and tenderness. But Michael was not there, he was still in Brussels. She woke up several times in the night. She dreaded a lot the next morning. And if this nightmare really came true? But it was not so. Nobody came to the doorbell. The only ringtone she heard was that of her phone. She had just received a message from Michael. He was fine, he was thinking of her, he loved her. Nothing else could have reassured her so much.  
That morning, Denise was taking care of herself at the same time as the doctor. She arrived early enough to inform the nurse so that she could help him. The doctor arrived, he asked his nurses a quick report of the last days. He indicated going around the patients and ending with Claudia. As the nurses came out of the office, Denise started the conversation.

D: Doctor, it will not be worth going to see Claudia.  
Me: For what reason? Something happened in my absence? Besides, how was his day at the hospital?  
D: Exactly, the day went really well. Claudia was smiling again, she was really good.  
Me: It's really very positive. This will allow us to think about a possible release in the coming weeks.  
D: She's already out.  
Me: I'm sorry? Denise, do you know that kind of thing is very serious? You made a decision without consulting me?  
D: I'll explain and you'll understand that was the best thing to do.  
Me: So go ahead, explain to me.  
D: When I left home on Wednesday night, Claudia wanted to go home.

The doctor was surprised by this.

D: It was her daughter who came to see me quickly and told me that she had asked him not to go back to the hospital.  
Me: It's curious. Generally patients in this type of situation do not want to go home, synonymous with the causes of their problem.  
D: Yes, I thought about it. But my concern was mostly how night would be.  
Me: It is true that the night is the most difficult time of the day, with the anxieties, the fears that come back when the patient is alone.  
D: But the fact that Claudia asks to go back home asked me a question. So I decided to let her at least spend the night at her house. His daughter had told me that at the slightest problem, I would be warned.  
Me: Denise, I understand your commitment to your friend. However, you must understand that this decision could have been disastrous for her.  
D: I know. But as you say, I did it for Claudia and even though you are in the best position to understand your patients, I am best placed to understand Claudia. I know her by heart.  
Me: How was the first night?  
D: Having been able to chat with her husband on Skype the same night, she had a very good night.  
Me: So no alarm clock, anxiety?  
D: No, none of that.  
Me: I am very surprised, but also delighted to learn it. I have never seen anyone recover so fast. That said, I think that the distance of her husband is positive in all that.  
D: I agree with you on this point, even if it hurts a lot.  
Me: I presume she also stayed at home?

Denise nodded.

Me: I can not say that I am delighted with all that. You have gone beyond my diagnosis and my recommendations for Mrs. Holden.  
D: And I'm sorry, but I only thought about his well-being.  
Me: You're lucky that everything went well at home. It will remain between us, but do not try to do that kind of thing where I will have to refer it to our hierarchy.  
D: Good doctor.  
Me: In this case, in the late morning, I will visit Mrs. Holden at home.  
D: At home?  
Me: Yes and you will come with me. I will judge whether or not she can stay at home. I hope for you that the second night went as well as the first night.

The doctor left for his consultations. Denise did not expect the doctor to see Claudia late in the morning. She felt a little stress. She hoped that everything went well that night.  
On arriving at Claudia's house, Emmalin made Denise understand that not everything had gone well. Everyone settled in the living room. While the doctor was talking to Claudia, Denise and Emmalin went into the kitchen.

D: What happened?  
E: She woke up tonight, I was scared Denise. I was ready to call you. I have the impression that Mom did not really know what day we were, that she was elsewhere.  
D: How so?  
E: She screamed dad's name. I was awake in bursts. She was crying, she was lost.  
D: It reminds me of something.

Emmalin looked at her with incomprehension.

D: When your father was deployed four years ago, she had nightmares at night. She saw him hurt, even worse. I think that the lack she feels towards him has an impact on his unconscious.  
E: Do not tell doctor Denise.  
D: Emmalin, I agree with you in principle but I am also a nurse and having had this kind of case in the hospital, you have to tell him.  
E: No, otherwise she'll go back there.  
D: Do you trust me?  
E: Of course, but ...  
D: So you have my word that she will not go back to the hospital.

Denise left in the living room, followed by Emmalin with glasses of water for everyone.

Me: I just chatted with Mrs. Holden, apparently she is much better than when she was hospitalized.  
E: I confirm you doctor she is more serene at home.  
Me: And that's good. Now what matters to me is whether it will continue in the long run.  
C: I'm well surrounded, my husband comes back in a month, I think it will only get better.  
Me: I hope with all my heart for you. For the moment, you will keep the medication at fixed days and hours. I will review next week, and we will advise at that time.

Denise looked at Emmalin with an insistent look. Emmalin sighed.

E: Doctor, I just must warn you that last night was not easy.  
C: Emmalin, was just a bad dream, it happens.  
Me: That is to say?  
D: That's to say doctor that whenever General Holden is on a mission, and this as for every couple in the army, both of them have had trouble managing the remoteness. Everyone reacts to this differently. And it has happened to him in the past, to have difficult nights.  
Me: Okay but there may be no connection.  
D: Maybe, but regardless of the job of the spouse, when we are far from the person we love, we have a lack. And whether she's here or at the hospital, she'll feel it the same way.  
C: Doctor, I really want to stay here. I will have ups and downs, like in the hospital. You said to come back next week, and it will help to see where I am. I promise you we will not hide anything. And if you think I need to go back to my hospital room, I'll follow you.  
E: Please.

The doctor looked in turn at Claudia, Emmalin, and Denise. He could only abdicate.

Me: Very good. But at the slightest worry, I want to be warned.  
D: You can count on me.

Claudia could stay at home. She was relieved. The next step was Michael's return in a month. The next night she made that nightmare again. She woke up three or four times afterwards. Michael had not given any news that day. The weekend was long for Emmalin who saw her mother close on herself little by little. Claudia was on the swing on the terrace in front of the house for two hours already. Emmalin joined her. Touching her hand, she startled her mother.

C: Ah it's you honey.  
E: Mom, are you okay?  
C: His going. It's not easy but it's fine.  
E: I heard you last night and last night. Tell me what's going on, if I can help you I'll do it.  
C: Unless you can bring me back here, I do not know how you can help me. You are already so present Emmalin. You have your exams at the beginning, I know that you must revise but I will never thank you enough for being close to me at this moment.  
E: Mom, that's normal. And for daddy I know it's difficult. But your feelings are amplified by your condition and you know it. When you left him in Washington and then came home, everything was fine. You must relativize.  
C: I know, but I can not do it. I know exactly what I need to get better definitely. But your father does not come back for a month.  
E: Yet the first night and the first day here went well. Maybe the doctor was right. Being at home is going to cheer you up.  
C: No Emmalin, on the contrary. Just on Christmas day I could see your father, even on the computer, which I could not do for more than two months. I know he has a lot of work and he does not have the time to call us every day but it is difficult.

Emmalin understood immediately what was happening. The same evening, Michael telephoned his daughter to find out how everything was going at home. Emmalin explained to him.

M: I do my best to be able to call him Emmalin. I do not know what else I could do. I am so angry that I can't do more to help him.  
E: Dad, it's not your fault. Listen I thought and if you could call him on Skype more often it would be better. She just wants to see you, that's all.  
M: I'm coming back from the office so late. I know you both sleep when I get home.  
E: Dad, try on my computer anyway. We never know.  
M: Okay, I promise you to try. I just got out of the office, I'll be able to make a call on my way home.  
E: Mom will be so happy.  
M: Me too. I leave you my big, I get in the car. See you later on the computer.

Michael made a Skype call on his way home. Emmalin took the call, she was in her room. She chatted with her father, then went downstairs where Claudia was arranging the kitchen. She was more than happy to have a call from Michael. As for the first time, Emmalin left them both, she recovered her computer an hour later. Already Claudia looked better. During the week, Michael tried every time to have Emmalin on the computer. Except once Claudia had already fallen asleep, he could talk to Claudia too. Emmalin noticed an improvement. Claudia did not wake up more than once or twice a night, she was much more serene during the day, and did not stay so much longer, sitting outside, doing nothing. Emmalin checked that Claudia was paying attention to her glucose levels, that she ate at each meal. She was reassured to see that she was slowly regaining confidence. She was having decent nights, even though she woke up a few more times. However, three days before her daughter's departure, Claudia had a bad night. To know that his daughter would soon be leaving, that Michael would not be back until three weeks later, and she was anxious that her friends would come to her to see her, when she did not want to see anyone. She woke up so many times. She was always having this nightmare first, followed by other nocturnal awakenings. Emmalin had heard that her mother had woken up again. She went to see her. She had risen to get her face wet with water. Coming back to her bed, Claudia saw Emmalin.

C: Em', go back to bed, everything's fine.  
E: No mom, everything would be fine you would not wake up so many times. All that had gradually calmed down. What is going on?  
C: I do not want you to leave. The house is going to be so empty.  
E: I'm so sorry mom, but I have no choice. We will talk with Denise tomorrow to find solutions that will help you on a daily basis. Dad's coming back in three short weeks now.  
C: It seems so far away.  
E: Mom, it'll be fine.

Emmalin decided to stay with his mother. Which saved him from other awakenings that night. The next morning when the girl got up, she found that her mother was sitting on the swing under the porch in front of the house. She was in her thoughts. Emmalin sat next to her.

C: Hi honey.  
E: How are you this morning?  
C: I was wondering how everything was going to happen when you were leaving.

Emmalin jostled his mother in his words. She wanted her to find her way to cash in and see the good side of things.

E: Mom, you must stop seeing everything negative! Yes, you did a burnout, okay. But you must also come to your side to fight what is eating you!  
C: Emmalin I ...  
E: Did you ever forget that Dad went on a mission for two years once? And many times, during a year. And two years ago, you left for several long months. Here it's just three weeks, or twenty-one short days.  
C: It is true that seen like that, it necessarily seems less long.  
E: Listen, I know that right now is a difficult time. But it is also so for dad who is far away and can not do anything. I'm leaving soon and believe me I do not necessarily want to. But we must go forward, get up every morning seeing what there is to do, to build. Not looking at the negative of what surrounds us. Denise is here, Jackie is here too. You are not alone.

Claudia sighed a big blow.

C: And you're right honey.  
E: I know we're in the middle of winter, but you've always found jobs when dad was on a mission.  
C: I was president of the Emmalin support group.  
E: Then ask Jackie if you can help them! Listen, I only want one thing, it's that you're better.  
C: I know. I feel like I hear your father.  
E: Dad said once that you were somebody who was heading in the morning, no matter what would happen in the day, what was that woman he had married.

Claudia smiled. She thought back to Michael's words last week, it's this love between them that will help her become the Claudia she's always been. Claudia perceived Emmalin's words as an electroshock. Michael was coming home in three weeks, it was not much. Yes Emmalin was going back to university, but he needed it for his future. People were around her and she could ask a lot of help if she needed it.

C: And that's exactly what I was. But you're right, Emmalin, I have to start again. To say that before I could not stand to do nothing.  
E: It will be mom, I promise you.

After a hug between a mother and her daughter, they went to have breakfast. The doctor came in late morning for his visit of the week. Denise was not there, an emergency had kept her in the hospital.

Me: Mrs. Holden, how was your week?  
C: Actually, not very good. I was very depressed, but I could have my husband several times and I must admit that it has done me a lot of good in recent days.  
Me: How were the nights?  
E: She wakes up again at night, maximum twice but she is more tired during the day.  
Me: Okay. I wanted to discuss a subject with you. Do you know why you burned?  
E: Wait, is not it safe to approach that now?  
Me: Exactly, I have to see if your mother understood, and is ready to talk about some things. That she asked herself to come back here surprised me but it was a great evolution. But since then I feel that nothing is okay. I am wrong ?  
C: No, but being at home ... let's say someone is missing here and it's difficult. My husband has always been there to support me during difficult times and not having him at home is complicated.  
Me: I notice that for you the image of your home you refer to your husband. This is pretty good since it does not bring you back to a few things of negative. But you did not answer my question. Do you know why you burned?  
C: Yes I ... I wanted to advance on my files.

In saying that word, Claudia remembered that she was a lawyer. She knew it, of course, but these problematic weeks had put this information aside. She noticed that she had been too busy, too busy days had so tired. She drew a parallel between her days, which are too empty. How to find the right balance?

Me: Your records?  
C: Yes, I am a lawyer. I work at Arnold, Holden and Drake.  
Me: Associate work so.  
C: Exactly. When my husband left for Brussels, I had some big files with topics that were quite difficult to deal with and I wanted to solve all that before my husband returned. So, I worked whole days at the office. At first, I took a break at noon and I finished quite late at night but I managed to hold. But little by little I felt like I was not going forward and I began to take fewer and fewer breaks, to come back later and arrive earlier and earlier. I had to juggle my travels back and forth to Washington for my obligations to the army and to travel from one day to the next for my obligations to the First Lady. Without realizing it, I was linking everything together, so that I made some sleepless nights, before chaining three in a row. And that morning when Denise arrived I could not move, I wanted but my body was not responding, so I collapsed.  
Me: You tell me what caused this problem and you are aware of it, which is really positive. If I tell you about your work, how do you take it?  
C: Everything seems very far away. And ... I feel guilty because I realize that I much prefer to take care of my obligations to the army and my husband's career than to spend whole days in an office with stacks of files to manage.  
Me: Well, then in this case if you had to go back to work, would you do it or not?  
C: I'll go back to work one day, but not now. And part time only. My colleagues know my situation with the army and I have free choice of organization. So I will not repeat the same mistakes. What worries me right now is when will I become myself again ...  
Me: You did a nice job on yourself thinking back to your job which is synonymous with your condition. It's a big step forward. I think that you will remove and reduce certain medications because you manage your emotions much better and your little depression at the beginning of treatment is no longer present in my opinion. Mrs. Holden, you have to find what made you progress each day, get back to work, see your friends again. In my opinion, this is one of the keys to your recovery.

Claudia nodded.

C: And I will go in that direction. I overcame one of the toughest events of my life when my daughter died, I can only get over all of this now.  
E: Exactly mom.

The doctor was happy that the situation is progressing or even getting better. So when Emmalin had to leave it was Claudia who accompanied him to the airport. Before leaving, Emmalin had come out of her mother's computer so she could talk to her father on Skype. But Emmalin had taken care to block any access to his work files so that Claudia does not dive again. Only Emmalin and Michael knew the password. And Claudia only had access to Skype at the moment. At the airport, she kept her daughter in her arms for a long time. When she came home, she went to bed early. The next morning, Claudia rose in good spirits. She found the occupations she could have at home, but also in her garden. Little by little, life took over again. But wanting to keep busy and try to think of something else, she put a lot of pressure on her shoulders. So the weekend was complicated. As soon as Michael phoned her, she crackled and cried. Denise spent the weekend with her but found that Claudia had ups and downs. Michael was only coming home in two weeks, and the next two weeks would be long.  
Claudia always woke up at night. She was always this nightmare and could not get rid of it. She did not want to see anyone while many of her friends wanted to visit her. Denise then decided that she would phone him to find out whether or not she was feeling well enough to receive these people at her home. For the moment she was not ready.  
But the following week, she visited Denise and Jackie at the FRG. When she arrived, she heard the women talking about her.

F1: I would like to hear from Claudia, but I dare not ask Denise.  
F2: Yes it is delicate but I will also like it to come back among us. She was an admirable president and I loved working with her.

Jackie who had heard but had not seen Claudia arrive, took part in the conversation.

J: Ladies, Claudia is better, much better. We'll have to give her some time, but eventually she'll join us.  
F1: Nice to hear that.  
J: Joking aside, I do not suit you as president?

They laughed. Claudia waited a few moments. She was touched to hear these words. It gave him the courage to come to meet the girls.

J: Claudia ?!

Jackie's eyes widened. Denise, who was farther away, turned around.

D: Claudia! What are you doing here ?  
C: I came to visit you. I felt good this morning so ...  
J: You did perfectly well.  
D: Of course.

Everyone came to greet Claudia and tell her that everyone was happy to see her again and to know that she was much better. Little by little, Claudia resumed her marks in this place she knew by heart. Denise sometimes looked at her from afar and she finally saw her friend again, in her attitudes, her behavior, her way of addressing others. She was moved to see Claudia finally again herself. But being alone at home, Claudia had some depressed moments, especially in the evening. Denise knew she still had moments of flutter but the most important thing was that more positive moments were more numerous. She knew that little by little everything would return to order.  
The following Friday, the doctor returned to Claudia's home and her medications were further decreased so that she had only a minimal dose to take now. On leaving, Denise arrived.

Me: Hello Denise.  
D: Hello. Claudia is much better.  
Me: I found it and it's really encouraging but I still have a small reserve. She always wakes up at night, probably with anxiety, and always at times depressed often again.  
D: I know. But I think all of this will go away little by little when her husband returns. He's coming back in ten days now.  
Me: His distance was beneficial at first, it looks like he will come back at the right time, when his wife will need it the most.  
D: Exactly.

They greeted each other, and Denise went back to see her friend, as she did every day. She was delighted to see that Claudia had done the cleaning, that everything was clean, tidy, washed. She found little by little the person she had always known. It was so long as Michael returned, but Claudia should be a little patient.  
That weekend, Claudia agreed to see some acquaintances. But Denise arrived with Roland, Roxy, Pamela and Jackie. She had a wonderful weekend with her friends and it all cheered her up.  
On Sunday night Michael phoned him with Skype. Claudia was in her room on the bed.

M: Good evening honey.

On hearing her voice, Claudia let some fine tears flow.

C: Michael ...  
M: How are you?  
C: His going. There are still lows, but I have only the minimum dose for the drugs. I have been to the FRG several times and everything is fine.  
M: Oh, I'm so happy. And for work?  
C: I did not talk to the doctor again. I am not ready yet. And I'm waiting for you to be here because I really need you at that moment.  
M: In a week I'll be back.  
C: I can not wait.  
M: Me too. It was difficult, but we will soon see the end of the tunnel.  
C: I know. By the way, Emmalin is kissing you.

They talked for almost an hour before hanging up.

M: Take good care of yourself, in a week it will be me who will take care of you and you will have all the attention that you will need.  
C: All your attention misses me so much.  
M: And I miss you not being able to give you.

Claudia smiled tenderly at Michael.

M: I love you.  
C: Me too honey. Take good care of yourself too.  
M: Count on me. See you soon.

Thanks to this call, the beginning of the week was quieter for Claudia. At the FRG, Jackie and Denise gave her a few things to do at home, including imagining the next menu for the base banquet in a month. Claudia took this very much to heart and held it busy. With her restless nights, she always rested a little in the morning and also in the afternoon.  
That Thursday, after having lunch, she went to rest in her room, when she heard the sound of a car parked in front of the house. She did not want to see anyone that day. She hoped to see no one, she was not in the mood. She got up, and put a vest over her sweater. She mechanically combed her hair and went down to the entrance. She saw behind the window of the door a soldier getting off an official army car. Her heart was racing, she thought immediately of Michael but it was expected that he will return the next day. She thought about that nightmare she had recently made. His heart was racing. She felt her anguish rise, and was frightened at the thought of going to open. She knew it was coming to announce bad news. And she was far from imagining what was going to happen. The front door opened then.


	6. Chapter 6 - Reunion

At the bottom of the stairs, the door opened on Michael. He was followed by his driver who came to drop the things and suitcases. Michael put one on the floor when he saw Claudia. The latter was shocked. She was so surprised to see him here and so happy. She was speechless, her eyes wet, she could not speak. She stepped towards him and fell into his arms. She felt great happiness, Michael a great relief.

M: Claudia, honey.

Michael was moved. He had only been waiting for her since the announcement of the hospitalization of his wife. Come in, take care of her and get better. A few tears ran from Claudia's eyes. Michael knew that she had become very sensitive since that bad time she had to live without him. He hoped that with his return, everything will be better. Michael turned his face to the driver who was waiting for any orders.

M: You can go there. Thank you.

The driver left, closing the door. Michael turned his attention to Claudia. The latter was hugging him, she was stuck to him, his head buried in his neck.

C: What good is it to see you go home?  
M: Its going to go, I'm here now.  
C: I missed you so much Michael.  
M: I know. You also missed me terribly, and I was so worried.

Claudia knew that Michael had not been able to phone him, talk to him for a month. She knew it must have been heartbreaking for him to have news only from Denise. All that reinforced that feeling of happiness to meet again. Michael put a hand on his wife's head and held it against him. He kissed her on the cheek.

M: I'm so relieved to see you're better.

He pulled away from her and put his hands on Claudia's cheeks.

M: Now I'm going to take care of you, I'll take care of you and everything will work out.

Claudia nodded. Michael kissed him with a lot of love and tenderness.

M: I love you.  
C: Me too.

They hugged each other for long minutes. When they broke off, they looked into each other's eyes and smiled at each other. Michael put a lock of his wife's hair behind her ear. He kissed her affectionately on the forehead. It was time to put away Michael's luggage. So they went upstairs. Claudia helped him undo all that.

C: Have you had a good trip?  
M: Yes everything went very well. I could not wait to get in if you knew.

Claudia turned her face to him. She had a look full of sweetness and tenderness.

M: I was very scared Claudia, I was so scared.

The latter came to him.

C: I know. I know everything has been difficult for you by being far away. Especially not to be able to talk to me, to hear me for so much time. I knew it was for my good. But ...

Tears invaded Claudia's eyes.

C: I would have wanted you so much. I only needed you and it was impossible for me to call you.

Michael took her in his arms. To see Claudia in that state was splitting her heart. She was certainly a little better but he still had some way to go and he would be with her now.

C: Everything has been so hard Michael.  
M: I know, but everything is over now.

Claudia sighed.

C: Hold me strong.

Michael tightened his grip. Claudia felt safe and serene in Michael's arms.

C: That's all I'll need to get out of this gear, just you, your love and your love.  
M: So do not worry, I'm here.

Michael saw the blanket that was on the bed. He understood that before his arrival, Claudia had to rest.

M: Did you rest when I arrived?  
C: Yes, but do not worry, it's okay.  
M: You still look tired Claudia.  
C: Now that you're here I'll sleep better at night, everything will be fine.  
M: Do you know what we're going to do? Since I came back from Brussels yesterday for my last mission day in Washington, and I got up very early this morning to come back home quickly, I'm pretty tired myself. I propose to lie down with you and that we both rest together. What do you think about it ?

Claudia pulled away from him, she smiled at him.

C: That's a very good idea.

They kissed tenderly. Michael changed and put on more comfortable clothes to stay at home. He joined Claudia who was already lying down. He then took her against him and put a hand on his hair, as if he wanted to protect her from everything. They fell asleep then against each other. They had been sleeping for almost an hour when they knocked on the door. Michael was awake but he found that Claudia was still sleeping. He managed to get out of the blanket without waking her up. He went down and went to open.

D: Michael ?!  
M: Hi Denise.  
D: Oh, but it's great that you've already returned.  
M: Come in, please.

They joined the salon.

M: Claudia is resting again.  
D: She must have been so happy to see you coming.  
M: You can not imagine the relief I felt when I arrived.  
D: Your return was the best thing that could happen to her.  
M: Of course I only resume work Monday so the next four days will be dedicated to Claudia. Besides, how to help him to get better?  
D: You just said it yourself, take care of her. All she feels is increased tenfold, be it happiness, the love she has for you, but also the anger, the sadness. You have to manage this so that it does not go into excess. And something else, she's still restless at night. Much less than before but she has periods of anxiety again. Everything will return to order in a while. So wake up if it happens and reassure there. She really needs you Michael.  
M: Restless at night?  
D: We do not know exactly what's going on, maybe she'll talk to you about it, but she still has one or two awakenings at night, which makes her still tired during the day. Once this problem is fixed, it will resume a correct rhythm, its emotions will be under control again, it will no longer need drugs and ... finally we will finally find the Claudia we know.  
M: Okay. I'll take care of her Denise, I'll give her all the attention she needs and I promise you that she'll be much better before I go back to work.  
D: Do not be too impatient, this kind of thing needs time. You see, it's been three months now that Claudia has made her burnout and there are still little things to see. Another thing, the doctor comes every Friday at the end of the morning, so he will be there Friday, you will be able to take stock with him.  
M: Very good.

Claudia appeared at that time.

D: Hey my beautiful.  
C: Hello Denise.

They kissed each other. Claudia settled near Michael.

D: How are you today?  
C: Michael is back, that's all that matters. I was just waiting for that.  
D: I know. Finally the fact that you were absent Michael was positive. Because when the doctor indicated that she could start seeing people again, I'm the first person she could see again, and then Jackie. Emmalin did not arrive until two weeks later, and Claudia was already better. His friends on the base followed one another, Roland came too, Roxy and Pamela also afterwards. This allowed him to gradually find each other. Afterwards, she made the decision whether people could come to see her or not, which also helped morale. She has recovered better and better. Emmalin was on vacation for two weeks so she could come take care of her. She has therefore regained her footing quietly. Your return was the last step, we did not know how she would react.  
M: Why that?  
D: Because Claudia's worries have been a source of contention between you and those bad memories that could have made her relapse.  
C: We had solved this problem before Michael left, so there was no risk.  
D: Maybe it was enough of a small grain of sand, and you knew it, we had talked about it. And luckily, the happiness of finding you was stronger than that.  
M: Last month was hard for everyone Denise. I listened to your advice and those of the doctors but not being able to call her, and not being able to see her on Skype, was really hard.  
D: For Claudia also this period was difficult since she could neither see nor call anyone. I could not see her herself, she was a colleague who took care of her. We had to be patient and we did well, the proof.  
M: But now I'm going to take care of her. She will be the center of my attention.  
D: I do not doubt it. Claudia how was the night? Since you have almost no medicine, I hope you get to sleep properly.  
C: I still have this scary awakening in the middle of the night, but otherwise it's okay.  
D: Okay. It's one of the little things that means you have to keep getting stronger, your body still has reactions from before.  
C: I know.  
D: I'll leave you, I just wanted to see how Claudia was today. If you need, do not hesitate.  
M: Thank you Denise and especially thank you for being so busy Claudia during my absence. It is thanks to you too if she is much better.  
C: Michael is right, I do not know what I will have done without you.  
D: I only helped my best friend and being there for each other is one of our priorities. So I was happy to be able to do it.  
C: Thank you.

Denise left, leaving Michael and Claudia alone.

M: Do you still need to sleep?  
C: No, that'll be fine. There are still your bags to put away and laundry to do.  
M: Are you sure?  
C: Michael, I know you were worried, very worried. But I learned to listen to myself and listen to the signs that my body is sending me now. Your return has been a breath of fresh air for me, I'm so glad you came back. So yes I'm sure, and I promise you it's okay.  
M: Okay.

Claudia kissed him quickly and went back upstairs. Michael went to his desk to peel the mails that he had not had time to read. During the day, Michael could see that Claudia was doing much better and had normal days. He was reassured. The day was soon over and after their dinner, Michael and Claudia found themselves in their room. After going to bed, Claudia immediately went into Michael's arms. She had hoped for that for many weeks. She raised her head and kissed Michael sharply. The latter realized that Claudia was overwhelmed by her emotions, that she did not control much. He did not want this kind of reunion with her. He pushed her slightly away from her face and stared at her with great tenderness.

M: Honey, wait ...

Michael kissed her with a lot of tenderness, then pulled away from her again.

M: You know I want it as much as you do, but not now, not like that. You know how important these moments are to both of us, but you need to find yourself before.

Claudia bit her lip so as not to cry but tears rolled down her cheeks anyway. She knew it, Michael was right.

C: But I love you.  
M: Yes, and me too. Come here.

Michael took Claudia against him. He stroked her back, her hair. He kept telling him that he loved her more than anything. Then he turned off the light and they fell asleep for the first time in three months. In the middle of the night, her nightmare awoke her brutally. Michael jumped too. He turned to her, he had never seen her with so much pain in his eyes. Claudia thought she was alone and could not remember that Michael had come home. She needed to breathe and without paying attention to him, she went down, opened the front door and went out on the steps despite the freezing temperatures of January. Michael was worried, he joined her with a blanket that he placed on his shoulders, he made her return. Claudia saw him, she began to cry. Michael took her against him and they went back to their room.

M: Claudia, what's going on?

The latter did not answer. She reacts when Michael has returned home. But she did not want to talk to him about it. She knew it had to do with Michael's absence. But she did not understand why with her return, all that was still tormenting her at night. They went back to bed. Michael took Claudia in his arms again, he hugged her to tell him he was there. The rest of the night passed without a hitch. Michael did not get back to the subject of this nocturnal awakening, but he dreaded the following night. Contrary to what had happened the day before, Claudia woke up but without screaming, just out of breath. Claudia went back to bed turning to her side. She found her normal breathing gradually. Michael had woken up too. He had only half slept since his return. He moved closer to her and leaned over her. He saw that she had cried. He kissed her on the temple. Claudia was surprised to find that Michael had woken up too, but she did not move. She needed that tenderness. He ran a hand under Claudia's pajamas and stroked his back. He whispered a few words to her.

M: Honey, it's okay, I'm here now.

Claudia closed her eyes. Her breathing returned to normal and she went back to sleep. Michael watched over her for nearly two hours before surrendering to the fatigue that held him and he went back to sleep. When the sun rose, Claudia felt the warmth of the sun's rays on her face. She appreciated that moment before opening her eyes. She turned to Michael, who was also starting to wake up. She then lolled against him and went back to sleep. Michael woke in turn but kept Claudia against him and watched her sleep for a long time. She seemed so peaceful, the opposite of what her face expressed when she woke up at night. If only she would agree to talk to him about what terrorized her so much. Claudia finally woke up. They took advantage of this moment while remaining in the arms of one another.  
In the late morning, the doctor came to visit Claudia. He was delighted to finally meet Michael and found that his return had a lot of benefits for his patient. He decided to stop any treatment. For him, Michael had to help him get better and that he would be the key to Claudia's healing. Michael walked the doctor to the door.

M: Doctor, are you sure that stopping all her medications is a good idea?  
Me: I think there may be a few days when your wife will have mood swings, she will cry for little, get upset for little. But she will need to exteriorize certain things to find an emotional stability. You're back, so you're going to be his pillar.  
M: I trust you, but I resume my work on Monday.  
Me: This new rhythm will help him find his own. But if you have a doubt, a problem, you can call me without problem.  
M: All right, thank you Doctor.

The doctor left, leaving Michael to his doubts.  
In the early afternoon, Michael and Claudia went hand in hand, strolling through the base. They arrived at the pond which was beautiful with the reflection of the sun's rays. They crossed the bridge and went to settle on a bench in the shade, away from the road and where nobody could come to disturb them. Once settled in, Claudia rested her head on Michael's shoulder. The latter took his chin and lifted his face to come lay his lips against his wife.

M: I love you so much honey.  
C: Oh me too.  
M: Does ... Claudia, can I ask you something?  
C: Of course, honey.  
M: You must promise to answer me.  
C: It's promised.  
M: What happens at night? Why do you have so much terror in your eyes?  
C: Michael, I can not tell you about it, I ...  
M: Claudia, we always agreed. We never judged ourselves. I am so worried.  
C: I'm sorry ... but I ...

Claudia caught her breath, seeing her pictures before her eyes was difficult for her.

M: Claudia, you have to know that I have trouble knowing what could help you. I need you to tell me, that you trust me. I do not know what wakes you up but I know that I feel the pain that you have in your eyes, it hurts so much to see you like that.

Claudia realized that she could not let Michael be so worried. Claudia said to him all at once, without stopping, staring into space.

C: It happened the first time when I came home after my hospitalization. This is the first time I'm sleeping at home. And coming back here reminded me how much I missed you. I fell asleep. The next morning we rang the bell. I went to open. Two men in official clothes were there. They asked me if I was Mrs. Holden, I said yes. They asked me if I was your wife, I said yes. They told me that NATO had been the target of a violent attack, and that you had died there. I stopped breathing. I hung on the door and dropped to the floor. I felt an immense pain. The departure of Amanda hurt me so much that I know this pain by heart. But it was awful, I felt that my heart was writhing in all directions, it was breaking little by little. I could not see anything, I could not hear anything. I screamed your name. I found myself sitting in my bed the next night, Emmalin was next to me, she asked me what was going on. We had just heard that you were dead and she had the impression of going perfectly well. I asked him what day we were.

She moved her eyes and looked into Michael's.

C: Then I realized that I had just had a nightmare, which I have been doing every night since that day.

Michael took her in his arms, tears rolled down her cheeks.

C: Each time, this pain pierces my heart. It hurts so much.  
M: I know, because I felt it myself when you almost left during the operation for your transplant. I felt it just a few seconds when the doctor had explained to me, but this feeling was terrible.

They pressed against each other. They broke off and kissed with great love and gentleness. Michael kissed him on the forehead. Claudia rested her head on Michael's shoulder and resumed her breath little by little. The sun had turned slightly and the rays passed through the branches of the trees. Claudia felt a little warm, she fell asleep. Michael let her sleep next to him. He watched people pass by, and remembered his life with Claudia. He understood something then, which Claudia would understand much later. He thought back to his decision to leave the army. Maybe all that had changed his feelings. Claudia woke up.

M: How are you?  
C: Better yes. We are both here.  
M: Yes, we should do this more often. We should go home now.  
C: No, I want to stay a little longer.  
M: Okay how you want.

They remained discussing everything and nothing, Michael told him about his mission in Brussels, Claudia told him about Emmalin. They found that common happiness to spend time together.  
That afternoon, Denise and Jackie decided to go for a jog. They arrived near the pond where they met Maggie, Latasha and Holly with another female soldier they did not know.

D: Hi girls.  
L: Denise, Jackie, how are you?  
J: Good. We enjoy the winter sun. And you?  
Ma: We have a new neighbor, so we wanted him to visit the base. Introducing Ms. Soler, Maureen Soler.  
D: Nice to meet you I assume we'll see you at the monthly newcomer party?  
Mau: Yes, it's planned.  
J: You are the wife of Major Soler, he must be under the orders of Franck.  
D: Okay. Franck Sherwood is my husband.  
Mau: Oh very good. In any case you have a really beautiful base. I heard only good. We must believe that the general is doing a magnificent job here.  
J: Oh it's not my husband who's holding the base, she's under General Holden's reindeer.

Maureen was surprised to hear that name. But she does not take it into account on the neck. Everyone walks away when Holly lives far away Michael and Claudia.

H: Speaking of the general, it seems to me that he is there no?  
D: Right. I see he's in good company.  
J: How is she doing?  
D: Better and better. Anyway, Michael has to take care of her every second.  
Mau: The general and his wife walks in the base?  
L: Yes, and you know they are really a model for a lot of people here.  
Mau: They look so close together.  
D: And they are, believe me. In almost twenty years I know them they have never changed their habits despite the ranks of Michael. Even in public they remain as much in love as in the first day.  
Mau: I find it so good that a general is both human and normal.

Everyone laughed. Nobody dared to bother Michael and Claudia and everyone left the park. The girls separated each on their own to return home. Michael and Claudia returned at the end of the afternoon. When he returned, the phone rang. It was Emmalin. They stayed for a long time on the phone with her. When Michael and Claudia went up to sleep, Claudia started the conversation.

C: Honey, that's not how our life was going to be hum?  
M: How? What do you mean ?

C: We should have had a life similar to the one we had during our first years of life together. Despite the deployments, transfers, we were happy.  
M: Honey, we are happy too now.  
C: Everything was hard on us. We were ripped off our daughter, we had very difficult moments with Emmalin, we discovered my diabetes, you went on a mission and everything went badly, I had my kidney problem, the worries with my job , all those weeks of shouting, your coma, my burnout ...  
M: Claudia, it's true that we had to face many things and not least for some, the proof is today. But by our ...  
C: Michael, tell me the truth, do you regret your life with me?

Michael was speechless about his wife's question.

M: Regret my life with you?  
C: I would understand that you're tired of experiencing all these hardships and ...  
M: Claudia Joy Holden ...

Claudia stopped talking, she found Michael's eyes. He had only too rarely used his full name to challenge him.

M: Never, do you hear me? I would never regret my life at your side. I fell madly in love with you as soon as I saw you for the first time and I have always loved you ever since. You are the most important person in my eyes, you are indispensable to me. And what I'm going to tell you may be a bit of a pain to you but ... when Amanda left, the first thing I thought about was saying yes Amanda was gone but I had my wife and that's all that mattered.

Claudia looked at him with incomprehension.

M: Our love is stronger than any trial, and we were able to overcome everything because we love each other more than anything. And that is why I will never regret my life with you honey, because we are still as much in love with each other as on the first day. Claudia, you are my world, you are everything for me, without you I will be nothing. I am the happiest of men to be with you every day of my life, even on mission.  
C: I love you Michael.

Michael took her in his arms.

M: Me too Claudia.

They fell asleep peacefully. That night, Claudia did not wake up. And when, at dawn, the light of day made her open her eyes, she felt much better.  
On Saturday afternoon, Claudia was invited with Denise to drink tea at Jackie's.

J: I'm glad we can spend some time all three.  
D: Yes me too.  
C: The idea of finally enjoying this kind of thing also pleases me. I finally feel like I can get my head out of the water.  
J: Claudia we are really happy that everything is better for you.  
C: Thank you. And you, what's up?  
D: We finish organizing the Friday night welcome party.  
C: Ah, the famous welcome party ... the evening of every first Friday of the month.  
J: I see you know what we're talking about.  
C: Are you laughing? I organized hundreds of them. I will come help you to install ...  
D: Oh great, like the good old days.  
C: I think that I especially need to gradually resume my life in hand.  
J: By the way we saw you yesterday at the park.  
C: Yes we went out with Michael for a ride. We were really good both. You just know how to enjoy, to hang time. But I did not see you!  
J: We did not want to disturb you.  
D: Yes we left with Latasha, Maggie and Holly.  
J: Without forgetting our new military woman from the base.  
C: Who is it?  
D: Some Maureen Soler, she just arrived.

Claudia frowned. This name vaguely told him something but impossible to remember what exactly. The discussion drifted quickly over Molly and Jackie's children. When Claudia returned home, she rummaged through the cardboard boxes in one of the upstairs friendly rooms. She suddenly fell on a picture, she was speechless. Michael entered the room at that time.

M: Honey, how are you?

Claudia got up and sat on the bed next to it.

C: I can not believe it!  
M: Of what?  
C: Do you remember that picture?

Michael sat next to her and took the picture. We saw Claudia, Amanda in her arms, next to a young woman.

M: Was it at Fort Irwin no?  
C: Exactly.

Michael put his finger on Amanda who was just two years old in the picture.

M: She was so small.  
C: I know ...  
M: Who's next to you?  
C: This is my best friend at the time. She was new to the base and I felt like I saw myself when I arrived on my very first base. I had taken her under my wing and we had become really close, almost like sisters.  
M: She was there when Emmalin was born?  
C: Yes, without it I do not know what could have happened.  
M: I remember now, her name was Maureen.  
C: Hum that's right. Imagine she's probably in Fort Marshall.

Michael turned quickly to Claudia.

M: What? But it's impossible ! After all this time ?  
C: Look, I was at Jackie earlier and they told me that among the newcomers, they had already met Maureen Soler. It can only be Michael.  
M: More than twenty years later? It would be an extraordinary coincidence. Claudia I do not want to take away your enthusiasm, but you know this last name is pretty well received.  
C: Michael certainly, but her name is Maureen, I do not see how it would be possible to have several people of the same name and the same name, especially in the army. You know another Claudia Joy Holden?  
M: No, the one and only is the woman I love the most in the world.  
C: Honey ...

Michael kissed her lovingly.

M: But you may be right, there are chances for herself. Would not it be crazy?  
C: Completely.

Claudia got up to take the cardboard box where she had found the picture and got out of it. She was convinced that this woman was the same woman who had just arrived at the base. She would have the heart on the following Friday during the welcome party.  
The next day, Sunday, Claudia got up with some trepidation. Michael was back to work the next day. How was she going to handle that? Michael noticed at lunch, Claudia was silent.

M: Something wrong?  
C: Hmm ... I was thinking of tomorrow.  
M: Claudia, what's going on?  
C: You resume work tomorrow.  
M: That's right.  
C: I wish you stayed at home a little longer.

Michael put a hand on Claudia's.

M: Hey it's okay. I will be on the base. You can call me and if it really does not work I'll come home soon.  
C: Michael, you can not leave your office like this ...  
M: Franck knows, and if you really need I go to see you okay?  
C: Ok.

Michael stroked his hand with one thumb, then they resumed their lunch. That day Claudia was on edge. Michael watched him all day and ended up apprehending the next day's recovery. That evening, Claudia lay down next to Michael and laid her head on his chest. She wondered how she could have been so sensitive and anxious for anything. For her, all she had experienced in recent years was problematic. But by what? She was going to find out in a short time.  
On Monday morning, Michael got up at dawn. Claudia was still sleeping and he was careful not to wake her up. He went running, to get back in shape. On his way back he took a quick shower in the bathroom next to Emmalin's room for not waking Claudia. As he was having coffee while reading the newspaper in the kitchen, he saw Claudia arrive.

M: Honey, go back to sleep, you have to rest.  
C: I did not want you to leave without wishing you a good day.  
M: I'll be hugging you before you go, you know.

Claudia smiled at him. They kissed tenderly.

C: Do you have everything you need?  
M: Yes everything is fine. Go back to bed to rest a little. I'm leaving in five minutes.  
C: Ok. Have a nice day, sweatheart.  
M: You too.

Claudia kissed him with a lot of love.

C: I love you.  
M: Me too. See you tonight.  
C: Okay.

Claudia went back to bed and Michael went to work. Claudia slept another hour. When she got up, she decided to go to the FRG meeting with Denise and Jackie. The latter were delighted to see her return. In the afternoon she rested and then prepared the evening dinner. Michael returned shortly before 7pm. Claudia heard the door close.

C: Michael ?  
M: Yes.  
C: I'm in the kitchen.

Michael put his bag on the couch in his office and went into the kitchen.

C: Did you have a good day?

They took each other in their arms.

M: I had trouble getting back into the bath. But everything went well.

He kissed Claudia tenderly.

Place yourself ?  
C: Yes, we can say that the day went well. I went to the FRG this morning, and I rested a little this afternoon before preparing dinner.  
M: It's perfect. We'll be able to spend the evening both of us quietly.  
C: That's an idea I like.

They smiled at each other. After going to dinner, Michael had a long report to sign, so he went to his desk. Claudia went up and did some storage. She came across one of the holiday photo albums when the girls were young. Amanda before 4 years and Emmalin just 2. She then flipped through. When Michael arrived, he saw pictures lying on the bed, and Claudia was watching an album. He sat down beside him to see what it was. He understood. He felt a lot of nostalgia. But not to increase that of Claudia, he launched the conversation in the tone of the joke.

M: Nice pictures, but then I took one of those old shots!

Claudia smiled.

M: By cons, no matter the date of the photos, between yesterday and today you are still so beautiful, honey.  
C: Hmm ... do not exaggerate anyway. Time goes by for everyone.  
M: In my eyes you are.

Claudia turned her face to him.

C: Thank you.

She kissed him furtively.

C: Emmalin was so small on these pictures. She still had her baby face. She was so cute.  
M: Emmalin is a pretty young woman now. But she kept a little mischief. Basically she has not changed much.  
C: That's right.

Claudia rested the photos and took others. On each she ran a finger across Amanda's face. Michael saw that the emotion was palpable in the room. It had been a long time since they had talked about Amanda together again until they had been to the cemetery. He put a hand on Claudia's back and caressed him slowly. Claudia, who was in her thoughts, was out of this tender gesture.

C: I miss her so much.  
M: I know. I miss her too.

Claudia let the tears flow down her cheeks.

C: It's so difficult.

Michael took her in his arms against him.

M: I have a lot of trouble too. Today is a day without, it will probably be better tomorrow.  
C: Michael, I think a lot about her and at the moment I can not overcome my sadness and pain.  
M: That kind of thing is not controlled. But I believe that since the day she left us, neither of us can overcome the pain. Sadness yes, but not pain.

Claudia listened but did not really pay attention to Michael's words.

C: It's hard to tell yourself that what you feel will stay until the end of your life.  
M: I know. But we love each other and you know that's what helps us every day.  
C: Michael, I do not know how I'll do without you.  
M: And me without you. So we will continue to be there for each other.

Michael tightened his embrace. He kissed Claudia on the hair. This continued need for attention from Claudia and his need to give him every day asked him a question. Never had they needed each other so much, despite the different trials they had had to overcome. Michael understood that Amanda's disappearance was the starting point for everything. With Claudia, they thought they overcame that, managed to manage their pain, their sadness. All that was wrong. They had buried their feelings so as not to hurt the other, not to make him sad. Of course there had been repercussions. And tonight's discussion had proved it. They ended up storing the photos and fell asleep quickly after going to bed.  
The next day, Claudia was still sleeping when Michael left to work. He went back to their room. He kissed her on the hair so as not to wake her up and left. That day, Claudia took another step in her recovery. She decided to go see Grant at the office. She had not told Michael about it. She wanted to do it herself. Arriving at the office, his heart accelerated. She felt a lot of stress. Suzanne the secretary was surprised to see her.

S: Mrs. Holden, hello!  
C: Hello Suzanne. Is Master Chandler here?  
S: Yes he is in his office.  
C: All right, thank you.

Claudia walked down the hallway to the various offices of the cabinet. She was tempted to leave but knocked on Grant's door.

G: Suzanne, I asked not to be ...

Seeing Claudia, Chandler was completely lost.

G: Claudia ?! What are you doing here ?  
C: I needed to come back.  
G: But come in, come and sit down.

Claudia closed the door and sat down in front of Grant.

G: How are you?  
C: We'll say better. Michael went back to work yesterday, the day without him it's difficult. But considering what I went through two months ago, we can say that I'm better.  
G: I'm glad to hear it. You scared me Claudia.  
C: And I'm sorry. I should have understood what you wanted to tell me. I heard but I did not want to listen.  
G: Claudia, when I saw you arrive in the morning with files of loans for the hearings, made in the space of three days I understood that you had night all night many times. I knew that it will end badly. And I was even more scared when I saw that you did not understand my warnings.  
C: I know. But we had some pretty complicated things with Michael, his return from the mission was really difficult. And when he told me he was leaving for three months, I wanted to make the most of the complicated files to be available for him when he returned.  
G: I totally understand Claudia. But you have to think of yourself first. When are you coming back ?  
C: I do not know Grant. Not for the moment. I am not ready yet.  
G: Then take your time! But the day you come back you will have to be able to work while continuing to manage your obligations to the army. Take back half-time is the best.  
C: I would think about it okay? I will let you work.  
G: Give us news.  
C: I'll make sure. See you soon Grant.  
G: Bye Claudia.

That evening, Claudia finally explained to Michael that she went back to the office. The latter read a little before sleeping. Claudia then spoke.

C: Honey, I went to see Grant today.

Michael put down his book and his glasses, then he looked at Claudia.

M: Did you go back to the office?

He had asked her very gently.

C: Hmm, I had this need to go back.  
M: Why did not you tell me about it?  
C: I wanted to do it alone.  
M: I understand honey. So what ?  
C: I was terribly anxious, but I did not turn around. I had to talk with Grant.  
M: How was it all then?  
C: I explained to him that I should have listened to him. Grant had seen for a long time that the situation was getting worse, I did not want to understand it. Then he asked me when I planned to resume ...

Michael looked at her questioningly. He was afraid of the answer.

C: Honey, I'm not ready yet.

Michael was relieved. Claudia was well aware that what had happened was quite serious and that everything could have been worse.

M: And I can only understand. You have experienced something complicated, you have to become completely yourself and be sure you can manage again correctly before returning to work.  
C: Thank you. Grant suggested that I only go back part-time the day I come back.  
M: Claudia, I think he's right. You have a lot to do at work, here on the base, and with your obligations to me and the army. By working only part-time, you could better manage your schedule and not have any worries afterwards.  
C: Do you think?  
M: I'm sure, sweatheart. I understood a lot of things. But you are not in a position to understand them for the moment. But when the time comes, you will understand them. In the meantime, I love you too much to let you make the same mistakes again. I do not want this kind of problem to happen anymore.  
C: I know.  
M: So take the time you need to finish giving yourself back, make the right decisions for the future to allow you to lead a life without stress, without anxiety.  
C: But I'm going to need you Michael.  
M: That's why I tell you that what Grant told you is the answer. But for the moment I do not want you to think anymore, I just want you to recover and everything to be like before.

Claudia stared at Michael and looked into him.

C: I care so much about you if you knew.

Claudia had never told him that way. That she loved him yes, that she needed him yes, that she did not know what she would do without him yes, but never that she was so close to him. And even if he knew it.

C: I do not want to lose you.  
M: Sweatheart...

Michael kissed him with a lot of love. He pulled away from her while remaining forehead to forehead. He spoke to her whispering.

M: I want you more than anything. And you will never lose me, I will always be there.

They then took each other in their arms and hugged each other. Although Michael knew that Claudia was reacting all of a sudden to his emotions that were increased as a result of his condition, he took the opportunity to give him all that attention that Claudia expected. He had been so absent in the last 25 years that he felt like he was making up for lost time. His wife was everything to him, he loved her immeasurably. They eventually fell asleep, both entwined.  
The week ended pretty well for Claudia who managed to better manage her emotions. She was now sleeping well at night, and no longer needed to rest in the afternoon. She could go help Denise and Jackie for the FRG. She did not think about Grant anymore, and focused on her help that she could bring to the base and enjoyed the presence of Michael every night, since he always arrived home early.  
Friday night was the welcome party for the new families. The FRG then organized a meal with the FRG members to better integrate the families at the base. Senior officers never attended this kind of party. Michael had a planned dinner with generals coming to Fort Marshall for an important meeting the next day. Claudia had promised to join him. She was with Denise and Jackie when the new families arrived. She had planned to leave after the welcome speech. But when one of the military women entered the room, Claudia froze on the spot. Maureen Soler, her best friend at the time, had just come in. She was right, she was beautiful and well. Denise went to greet him, followed by Jackie. Maureen's eyes were attracted by a person coming towards her.

Mau: Claudia Joy?

Claudia nodded. She could not speak, her tears not far away. She was so touched to see her again.

Mau: I can not believe it!

They took each other in their arms. Then they detached themselves.

Mau: But what are you doing here?  
C: I'm part of the FRG in a way. Like Denise and Jackie, I came to welcome new families on the base.  
Mau: I can not believe that we meet after all these years.  
C: When Denise told me your name, I did not believe it either. And I came to understand that it could only be you.  
Mau: How long have you been here?  
C: In Fort Marshall? Soon 10 years. I guess it's an innate chance, but Michael was promoted every time a place for his rank was released, which allowed us not to start from the bottom. Just like Denise.  
Mau: I'm so happy to see you again. You know that I followed your advice. I love my life in the army.  
C: I'm glad to hear it. Come and sit down. Denise and Jackie will soon make their welcome speech.  
Mau: Are we on the same table?  
C: No I leave right after, I have to join my husband for an important dinner.  
Mau: Wait ... Is Michael General Holden everyone's talking to me?  
C: Yes it's him.  
Mau: General three stars ... you made a pretty path both.  
C: That's right.  
Mau: It's a shame not to be able to talk longer.  
C: Yes, it's true that it's a shame. But what do you say coming home tomorrow afternoon? We will remember our memories.  
Mau: Very good idea.  
C: 15h?  
Mau: Perfect.  
C: I can not wait to be there. Tomorrow then.

They kissed each other. Claudia disappeared and the little party continued for the rest of the guests. She joined Michael at home where he finished getting ready. He arrived at the entrance where Claudia was waiting for him.

M: Claudia, are you ok ?  
C: Oh yes, you'll never guess who I saw ...  
M: It was Maureen right?  
C: She has not changed. She comes to have a tea tomorrow afternoon at home.  
M: I hope to be back in time. You know I have a big lunch. Hoping it does not drag on. Let's go ?

They went to their dinner with other generals. Michael was happy to see that Claudia was taking charge of her life and that everything was getting better. When they came back at the end of the evening, they went up to sleep quickly.

M: Thank you for having accompanied me tonight.  
C: That's normal honey. And it's been a long time since I had accompanied you, but that's my role.  
M: I know, but ... right now ...  
C: Did you think I would not have the strength?  
M: I thought you did not want to face the eyes of others.  
C: With you by my side, I can face everything.  
M: I am so proud of the path you have traveled. I love you Claudia.

He kissed his wife with great tenderness. Claudia deepened their kiss but could not go further. A certain anxiety was always present in her. She broke away from Michael.

C: I'm sorry Michael.  
M: Do not worry, everything is fine. I do not want you to feel bad or anything else.  
C: But I can not give you what you want.  
M: Claudia, I feel like it since the day I came home. But what matters to me at the moment is that you are fully recovered.  
C: I still have this anguish in my heart. I do not know where it comes from or why I still feel that way.  
M: Honey, give yourself time. You have taken a simpler and less stressful way of life. You have resumed your official duties towards me and the army. I think you're nervous about getting your job back. And this because in the end your work is surely linked with this anxiety.  
C: That's what you think?  
M: Yes, but only time will help you understand.

Michael took Claudia in her arms and cuddled her. He was so happy to be at home, to be able to find her every night and every weekend. When he met him, he loved it right away. He had wanted to make a living with her, to marry her. He knew that one day or another he would go on a mission but he would never have imagined to attach so much to her, to love him so much. She had missed him every time. He had lived with her every day, taking advantage of every second. His presence was enough for him. He was waiting to find her, but he was waiting for Claudia to be ready. They ended up falling asleep in each other's arms.  
The next day, Michael went to lunch with colleagues. Claudia had lunch with Denise and then returned home. As expected, Maureen arrived on time. Michael had not returned yet.

C: Come in, please.  
Mau: You have a beautiful house Claudia!  
C: Thank you.  
Mau: This base is really beautiful.  
C: It's really a beautiful place, it's true. And Charleston is really a beautiful city.

They settled in the living room. Claudia had made tea.

C: You know, it really made it strange to know you were on the same basis as me.  
Mau: I never thought I'd see you again.  
C: Me too. I met so many people. Especially since Michael rose to the rank of general star. But I never forgot my friends at the time. There has been little to tell the truth. As Denise has now you have been one of my best friend Maureen.  
Mau: And was mutual. You taught me everything and showed what a military woman should be. I owe you a lot you know.  
C: It was normal, I always wanted to help in this way. We had good times together.  
Mau: His yes. Do you remember that you almost gave birth in your little room?

Claudia laughed.

C: Oh God!

His gaze was lost in the garden, through the window. She remembered the birth of Emmalin. She thought back to her daughter, who was still in Woodsen. She did not return until three months later. She missed him a lot. She returned to the conversation.

C: Without you it could have happened it's true. It's so far away. And you, what do you do ?  
Mau: I do not work, I took care of our two boys. They are 14 and 16 years old. But I have a sewing blog, it takes care of me. I think integrated the FRG of the base too.

The same age that Amande and Emmalin had when they arrived in Fort Marshall. Michael appeared then.

C: Honey, here you are.

He kissed Claudia quickly.

C: Do you remember Maureen?  
M: Of course. It's crazy to meet again after so much time.  
Mau: Hello Michael. Indeed it is unexpected even.

Michael settled on the couch in front of them.

M: A nice coincidence.  
C: Maureen told me that with her husband they have two boys.  
Mau: And you, how are Amanda and Emmalin?

This question cast a cold. Claudia looked at Michael. He did not intervene. He wanted Claudia to tell her herself. The latter began by giving news of Emmalin.

C: Emmalin is in Woodsen, in the Hockey section. She would like to join a big team so she can go on the women's national team.  
Mau: Congratulations to her.  
C: Otherwise she would like to do Psychologist.

Mau: I think she wants to help others from her mom.  
M: We are almost certain.  
Mau: And Amanda, she must have finished her studies now right? I remember that little two-year-old, who looked like two drops of water to her mother. Given the photos, it has not changed, it really looks like Claudia.  
C: I ... Maureen ...

Michael gave him a comforting look. He wanted Claudia to say his words. He knew that Claudia would react violently afterwards. And he was right.


	7. Chapter 7 - Return of past

Mau: I said something wrong?  
C: No ... hum ... Maureen, Amanda left us almost 7 years ago now ... she ...

Maureen was shocked by this announcement. Claudia saw it in his eyes. This caused him a shock internally. His eyes filled with tears. She apologized and went upstairs quickly. Maureen turned her eyes to Michael.

Mau: I'm really sorry.  
M: You could never have guessed it.  
Mau: But how ...  
M: A story of deception and jealousy ended badly. A soldier at the base causing an explosion in a bar outside the base. Claudia was there and Amanda too. The doctors did everything they could.  
Mau: I understand his reaction. I'm so sorry, I will not have ...  
M: You did not know. I ... I'll go get Claudia.  
Mau: Okay.

Maureen was angry. Michael thanked her inwardly. Now it was necessary for Claudia to speak to her and to agree to say what had weighed on her since those seven years on her heart, which she had buried deep inside her. He entered his room. Claudia was in tears. He approached her, he took her in his arms.

M: Honey ... it's okay.  
C: Michael ...  
M: Do not worry, it's okay.

Claudia had received the words she had pronounced as a second shock. She understood that she had never accepted the disappearance of her daughter. No matter what words Michael could have had, no matter what she had done or said, she had created a bubble, showing that everything was okay she could accept things. But deep inside her, deep down inside her, it was different. She had never accepted him. How could a mother accept the disappearance of her daughter?  
This brought back a great guilt that Claudia had since that day when everything had rocked. That's what she finally confessed to Michael.

C: It's my fault.  
M: What? What are you talking about ?  
C: It's my fault Amanda's gone.  
M: Claudia, no, do not think about that, that's not true.

Claudia broke away from Michael.

C: But if! Reflexive !  
M: Honey, you're not responsible for what happened on that day.  
C: Of what happened no, but to have been there at that time yes!

Michael was lost.

C: I should never have been at the Hump Bar, I should never have stopped there.  
M: What are you talking about?  
C: I once again wanted to play the one that saves everyone. I stopped to give Betty a check, to allow her to heal because she had breast cancer. I met Denise, Roxy and Roland. I got immersed and that's why Amanda came in her turn ... she should not have been there! I should have taken him directly to the station! And she would always be with us today! Everything is my fault !

Michael was right. This guilt had been deep inside her for all these years. Now that she had been able to talk about it and externalize it all, everything would be better little by little. Michael wanted to take her in his arms. But Claudia pushed him away. Michael left her alone. He knew that it was difficult to control in those moments. He left it to his thoughts and went back down to see Maureen.

M: I'm sorry but Claudia is not well.  
Mau: It's my fault, I will not have to talk about girls.  
M: No one is responsible for anything. And I wonder if it was not necessary for her to get better.  
Mau: Better?  
M: Claudia has had a lot of bad times and health problems. Something has gradually weakened it. Still, it made her go back some things and I think she needed it too.  
Mau: Okay. I ... I'll go there. Do you kiss him for me?  
M: Accounts on me.  
Mau: Thank you and good luck.  
M: Sa will, thank you.

Maureen left the house. Michael blew a good blow. He went upstairs. Claudia was sitting in an armchair. His eyes were still wet with tears shed. Michael sat on the bed. He spoke.

M: Claudia, I want you to take off your head. You're not responsible for Amanda's death. I knew you had that guilt in you but I wanted you to be aware of it yourself.  
C: Did you know?

Michael nodded.

M: As soon as I knew that you did your burnout I tried to understand. And I made the connection with all those times when you did not want to accept things and you did not want to think about it. I had taken it for strength but I should have seen that something was wrong.  
C: What are you trying to tell me here?

Claudia got angry. She felt as if she had been observed on both sides without knowing it.

M: Honey, my promotions were quick after Amanda left. And your duties have been more important. You have invested a lot in it. That's how you managed to overcome your diabetes problem. Then you went back to school. Then I was deployed and we really did not feel that way. Following your kidney problem, you went for a year with the First Lady. I then understood that all this hyperactivity was hiding something. I then thought of this call I made to you when Jeremy was killed. You were in Oceanvale with Denise. And I realized that you had something in you that made you feel bad. All that followed was because of her too. That you work so much, your burnout ...

Claudia began to think. Michael was right.

M: You wanted to take away that guilt by hiding it deep within you. But at some point everything has come back up, and Maureen's question has brought you down. And thanks to her you could finally externalize all that. And now …

Michael moved closer to her, he crouched down in front of her and put his hands on his wife's.

M: I want you to stop thinking that you are responsible. You are not responsible for anything.  
C: But ...  
M: Claudia, I had that guilt too. And it was you who took it away from me. I realized that even though I had asked everybody to stay in the base, Polarski would have organized that in the base. And what happened was written and would have happened. It was written that you had to stop at the Hump. How could you know what was going to happen? Nobody knew it. Denise and Roxy also came to the bar, Roland too. They either did not know what was going to happen. Claudia, we can not go back. So yes we have pain, yes we are sad. Yes, there are more difficult days than others. But we must stop wanting to keep what we feel in us. The other day when looking at the pictures, I thought you were going to talk to me about it because you started to tell me how you felt. It is useless to want to hide from even his feelings because everything comes out one moment or another and it's never good.

Michael stood up, pulling her toward him. He took it against him. Claudia felt reassured.

M: Its going to go, okay.  
C: Ok.

He kissed her on the hair and then on the cheek. Claudia looked up and kissed Michael tenderly. The tears continued to flow, this overflow of emotion needed to go out. Michael hugged her.

C: Thank you.

They stayed for long minutes, both entwined.

C: I love you.  
M: Oh me too honey.  
C: Thank you for being what you are, without you I could not do it.

They broke away. Michael kissed Claudia on the temple. He let her rest. Claudia slept in this late afternoon. Michael took the opportunity to take some time for him. He watched a game on television with a beer. A small pleasure that he liked to have from time to time. In the late afternoon, Claudia came down.

M: It's better?  
C: Hmm ... we can say that.

Claudia joined him and sat next to him.

C: Michael, I'm sorry for this difficult time.  
M: You do not have to apologize Claudia. Everything will be resolved, but leave yourself time.  
C: I'm so bad.  
M: To see Maureen stirred up a lot of memories and things. As you are a little fragile emotionally, it has killed you. You found yourself overwhelmed by this feeling of sadness and pain without knowing how to handle it. But I think that was fine, it allowed to evacuate what was hurting you.  
C: Yes, you may be right. How do you get to see all this?  
M: Because I spent the last 25 years of my life admiring you, watching you, watching you and loving you.

Claudia smiled at him. Their relationship was based on trust and their love. She saw that nothing had changed since their meeting, except that they had become closer and closer. Dinner time had arrived. Claudia being very tired, she went to bed early enough. Michael read the newspaper of the day before joining it. When he arrived in the room, he saw that she was already sleeping. He turned off all the lights except his bedside lamp. He went to take a shower and went back to lie down. He then took a book to read a few pages. The light woke Claudia half an hour later. She turned to him.

M: Oh excuse me, I woke you up ...  
C: It does not matter, I was waiting for you to join me.

Michael put down his book and turned off the lamp. He leaned over Claudia and kissed him on the cheek.

M: Good night.

Claudia came into Michael's arms and fell asleep quickly. The next morning, Claudia rose with a lot of serenity. She felt good for the first time in many weeks. She felt as if she had found herself. Michael was already up when she got up. She joined him in the kitchen. He drank his coffee while listening to the radio on the base. When he saw Claudia, he cut her off.

M: Hi honey. How are you this morning ?  
C: It's good.

Claudia had said it with a lot of confidence. Michael was surprised.

M: That's right?  
C: More true than ever. I feel liberated, so serene.

Michael turned the stool he was sitting on to face Claudia. The latter advanced towards him and they took hands.

M: I'm relieved. I was so worried.  
C: I know. I do not think everything is settled, but at least I have taken a big step forward.  
Claudia stepped forward again and found herself between Michael's legs, she rested her forehead against hers. She let go of Michael's hands and put them behind his neck.

C: I love you honey.  
M: Oh honey, I love you more than anything.

They embraced with tenderness and gentleness. Claudia felt a lot of happiness and calm. As every time he kissed her, Michael felt a great desire for his wife. But as always, he did nothing more. He would wait for Claudia to be ready. However, he deepened their kiss and put all the love he could. As they pulled away from each other, they then took each other in their arms and hugged each other. Claudia felt what she had felt for a long time for Michael. In addition to all the love she had for him, she felt that desire that only he could make him feel. But she got scared. She thought her emotions were still playing tricks on her. And she preferred not to think about it. She broke away from him and after a quick kiss, had breakfast with him.  
The day passed quietly for both of us. In the afternoon, Denise came to visit Claudia.

D: I'm glad to see you're really better. There are no more particular worries. I think you are completely surrendered.  
C: I do not know. To see Maureen again, to talk to her, it took me 20 years back. You realize that I was on the same basis as when I got pregnant with Emmalin, Amanda was 2 years old.  
D: I know. Jeremy left almost two years ago and ... I have the impression that yesterday he was still with us.  
C: Excuse me Denise, I did not want to wake up all that.  
D: No, do not worry. There is nothing to wake up, it's all in me everyday.  
C: ... I know.  
D: Claudia, are you sure you're ok?  
C: Yes, yes ... it's just that ... there is something that I have not managed to solve with Michael.  
D: Something?

Claudia made him look unhappy. Denise understood immediately.

D: What? Since he came back you do not have ...

Claudia shook her head.

D: I see ... but ... and it comes from him or ...  
C: No, it comes from me.  
D: But why?  
C: When the doctor decided not to renew my treatment, judging that I did not need it anymore, all my emotions were increased tenfold.  
D: I see.  
C: Denise, I could not tell if what I felt was the happiness of seeing him near me, the love I feel for him or ... I started crying for nothing, I was lost .  
D: Okay, but that's perfectly understandable.  
C: Yes. I feel that I can no longer discern all that.  
D: Claudia, I think you're afraid you can not control your emotions now.  
C: This morning, we kissed each other, and ... he took me in his arms. I felt something strong ... but ...  
D: Claudia, you're asking yourself too much question. In the depths of you you knew very well that you just wanted to spend a moment of intimacy with him.

Claudia looked away. Denise was probably right.

D: Besides, I do not see what you can be afraid of. You know each other by heart and I'm sure that if your emotions, your feelings are increased and that is not really what you want, Michael knows how to do things. I'm sure he's pretty much the one to make your desires come first ... am I wrong?  
C: No  
D: Franck is the same. You know, our men are so far away from home and sometimes long enough, that they just want our happiness and always make us go first and foremost to deprive ourselves of certain things.  
C: Michael always reacted like that, it's true. And this from our meeting.  
D: So you see. Trust and trust him. You have always trusted, I do not see why it will change now, after so many years of living together ... hum?  
C: You must find me stupid ...  
D: Claudia, you burned. This is not to be taken lightly. You were disoriented and you had to deal with it, alone at first. All the people I saw suffering from that took a long time to regain their self control. So it's normal that you react like that. But it's true that I would have thought that on that side you would have solved that quickly given the dose of love that Michael has for you every second of the day.

The end of Denise's sentence made Claudia smile. Her best friend was one of the only people to understand and see the special connection they had with Michael. Claudia sighed.

C: I see each other the first time we met.  
D: Nothing has changed hum?  
C: No ...  
D: You know that your story is so beautiful that it makes many people jealous here.

They laughed.

D: But it's true that it's so beautiful to say that you are in love as in the first day.  
C: Sometimes I still feel like this 23-year-old kid who is crazy about him, and can not do without him for more than three seconds.  
D: I reassure you I am the same. But it's normal, you know, our first great love has been and will be the only love of our life.

Claudia realized that Denise was completely right. Aside from a love affair in high school, she had never had another man in her life. The only one she really fell in love with was Michael and she had made a living with him. This awareness touched her. Denise put a hand on her back. She saw that Claudia was stirred by this conversation.

D: Let yourself be guided by your feelings in your heart, by what you want or not.

Claudia nodded. Claudia then asked for news from Molly and others. Denise left in the late afternoon.  
The same evening, while Michael was already in bed and reading a book, Claudia came out of the bathroom. Without Michael noticing, she was devouring him with her eyes. She admired him so much. She joined him afterwards. Michael did not pay attention to the fact that Claudia joined him. She then spoke.

C: You know, right now I thought a lot about our meeting.

Michael had a slight smile. He loved that memory of that moment. He turned his gaze to her, and looked at her lovingly.

M: Are you talking about that moment when I fell in your eyes the very first time? That moment when I fell madly in love with you when we had never spoken?  
C: From that moment exactly yes ...

Without this being expected, Michael gave himself up.

M: I never had anyone in my life before you. In high school before leaving for West Point, I met a young girl. When she knew I wanted to be a soldier, I never saw her again. So I apprehended my future. I wanted to be a soldier, but I also wanted to have a woman whom I would like, to whom I could give proof in my daily life that I love her, to have children. But I wondered if all this would happen. That's right, who wants to live with a soldier who would already go out Lieutenant, who would already have an important position in the army and who in addition to that, will risk his life in the fight? My parents were asking the same question. I am the youngest and my brothers already had a friend with whom they made plans for the future. So they were scared I think. And the more time passed, the more I thought it would never happen. When I arrived at the end of my last year at West Point, I questioned everything. I even planned to leave the army. So when I saw you, my heart was racing. I was always sure of myself and I always managed to get what I wanted. But here I lost my means. Fall in love just in one look, without talking to each other and without knowing if one day I would see this perfect stranger. He was completely mad. I remember that the first night I tried to chase you out of my thoughts. But the next second I had this desire to want to take you in my arms, to kiss you. I never felt that way. I knew then that you were the person with whom I will make my life. I wanted you with me Claudia, I already loved you from the depths of my heart.

He turned his gaze to Claudia. Her eyes were wet with tears. She blinked and tears rolled down her cheek. Michael smiled at him. He wiped her tears from his thumb. He then took it against him.

C: We did not know each other Why us, like that, in a second?  
M: You were in a very complicated time, you needed someone deep inside you to help you get up. And in the depths of me I needed to give my love to someone, a person who would follow me, who would be there every moment, who would help me to hold during the missions. Basically, deep down, you knew that I was the person you were waiting for, and me that I had in front of me the person I would love all my life.  
C: Sometimes I still feel like this young woman.  
M: We still look a little like them, it's true. At that time we had this constant need to be together, to hug each other, we had a lot of trouble being able to do without each other. With time we managed to manage little by little this overflow of love that we had for each other. This does not mean that we loved each other less, on the contrary, but just that we trusted each other, and that we knew the feelings we felt for each other.

They plunged into each other's eyes. Claudia kissed Michael with a lot of love. She kissed him on the cheek. She left her face to hers. Michael squeezed Claudia against him. He ran his hand through his wife's hair. Claudia felt a lot of emotions.

C: I love you so much my love.

She decided to trust Michael to trust himself. She rested her lips on her husband's. Michael ran his hands under his wife's pajamas and put his hands behind his back. This kiss electrified them both. They let themselves be guided by their feelings. They rolled to the side and Michael found himself above Claudia, he pulled away from her and admired him a few moments. He had been waiting for this moment for so long. He found his lips again. It followed a moment out of time for both. In Michael's arms, Claudia finally felt revived.  
They remained entwined a long time thereafter, happy to have finally found themselves.  
After a shower, they lay back against each other and fell asleep. The next morning, Michael got up at dawn, went for a run and returned to take a shower. He then had breakfast. Claudia woke up in her turn. She showered, got dressed, put on her hair, and put on some makeup. When she arrived in the kitchen, Michael could not believe his eyes. That morning, Claudia had brought out one of her tailors, with a little shirt. His hair just brushed, fell on his shoulders. And the light make-up she put on made her look beautiful. It had been so long since he had not seen Claudia like that.

M: Honey, you are beautiful!  
C: Thank you.

She kissed him to thank him.

C: I have never felt so good.  
M: I'm glad to hear it.  
C: Michael, I think everything is behind me now.

Claudia took her coffee cup, filled it and sat down in front of Michael.

M: Are you sure?  
C: More anxiety, more stress. I see Michael again.

Michael got up, went around the table. He took Claudia in his arms, kissed her on the hair.

M: I'm more than happy honey. You managed to get rid of all this.  
C: It's thanks to you Michael.  
M: It's thanks to us, but mostly because of what reads us both.

Against Michael, Claudia felt a lot of peace.

C: I love you.  
M: I love you too.

They parted, smiled and kissed each other. Michael had to go to the office.

M: See you tonight.  
C: Have a nice day, honey.  
M: You too.

Little by little, they resumed their rhythm. Claudia was going more and more to the FRG. But she pushed back every day to the office. Friday was the 14th, the day of Valentine's Day. This day had always been of particular importance to the families of the army. Like many soldiers, Michael had been very, too much, often absent during this day. So when he was present, he had taken advantage of being near Claudia to prove to him an umpteenth time that he loved her with all his heart. Just like Claudia who enjoyed every second of this day near Michael. But after so many years together, it had become difficult to find a gift or idea to surprise the loved one. Claudia knew that as always, Michael would prepare a dress that he had offered, the black dress she rarely put on. And that he would take her to dinner at the restaurant, he would give her a red rose, he would make her spend a wonderful romantic evening and on returning a surprise would wait for her at home. She knew how the evening would go by heart and yet she was eager to live with him.  
Wednesday afternoon, Denise came to drink tea.

D: Every year it's the same, we have to find the gift that makes all the difference. But ideas never come soon enough.  
C: Do not talk to me about it. I'd like to offer him something that would really please him, that would touch him. But with all these events, I did not have time to think.  
D: I'm trying to think what he cares about most. It helps me find generally.  
C: What does he care about most? To me and his daughter ...

Responding to Denise, Claudia raised her head and stared at her.

D: What? You found ? You see …  
C: I think the best gift he can have is to see his daughter land on Friday night. He has not seen her since returning to university in September. I saw her again for Christmas but we knew that this year she would only come back for the holidays. Between his end-of-the-year exams, his hockey tests to join a major team, see the national team ...  
D: Emmalin always reaches his goals.  
C: She told me about maybe trying to join Canada's national team ...  
D: Canada?  
C: Already we did not see much but then we would not see it at all ... but hey it's his dream, it's great that she gets there and she lives it.  
D: His yes then. So how are you going to make it come this weekend?  
C: I'll explain to her and we'll see if she gets to free herself at least for Friday night to come home and Saturday.  
D: I cross my fingers.

They smiled at each other. Denise drank a little tea.

D: By the way, did you talk to Maureen again?  
C: No ... I have not seen him since Saturday.  
D: You know she's shattered by what happened.  
C: Why? She did nothing wrong.  
D: She feels so bad.  
C: She did not know about Amanda, and with what happened in the last few months, I did not react well again. Especially because thanks to her we could really talk with Michael. I'll go see her and I'll make sure to fix it.

Denise winked at him. At the end of the day Michael returned from work early. That gave Denise the top to go home too. When Michael took a shower, Claudia went downstairs to call Emmalin.

E: Hey mom!  
C: Hello sweatheart, how are you?  
E: Fine! We have a lot of work at the moment and I have a week full of duty next week but everything is fine.

Claudia sighed inside. Emmalin could not come this weekend.

C: I'm glad to hear it.  
E: And you?  
C: It's fine. We have resumed our pace with your father and I am really better.  
E: Oh mom, that's great!  
C: I have never felt so good.  
E: That's good. I am reassured. Dad okay?  
C: Yes very well. Everything is going well also on his side. But just Emmalin I called you concerning him.  
E: There is a problem.  
C: No, no no, at all. Simply, I was thinking about what would make him happy this year for Valentine's Day. And even turning it in all directions, I found only one thing that will make more than pleasure.  
E: Ah, what? Do you need my opinion?  
C: I especially need your help, sweatheart.  
E: Tell me all mom.  
C: The only thing that would make him so happy would be to see you honey. You miss him so much.  
E: Mom I ... as I told you, I have a week filled with homework, it's to test us for the final exams. I have to succeed for now and can increase my average of my last year. I will need it for schools of psychologists if I want to continue in this way ...  
C: I know Emmalin. I just wanted you to be there on Friday night, and at least on Saturday morning ...

Emmalin felt disappointment in his mother's voice. But those homework had put him in extra stress. She then thinks quickly about her weekend. The next day she had little court because she had a full day of hockey preparation. Tonight she could work. Friday if she was flying, she could work as well. As on Saturday morning her father worked a little, she would do the same. Even if she spent the afternoon of Saturday with her parents, she could work in the evening, and take a plane on Sunday afternoon to be able to have her full evening on campus. She found this organization rather well.

E: Listen mum, will I try to come to an agreement? I'm going to work tonight and tomorrow night and I'll see if I can relax a little this weekend anyway. I remind you Friday noon okay?  
C: It would be great, thank you honey.  
E: You're welcome mom. And then it would be nice to be the gift for dad of Valentine's Day.

They laughed.

C: You know, it'll be good to see you too. It's hard not to have you so much at home on the weekend.  
E: I know mom. I'm struggling too but I have to secure my future for myself too.  
C: And you're right. Let's say it makes me feel weird to remember you little when I had you all day when your sister was at school, when I had you every week when your father was working or when he was on a mission . And there you are an adult now. I felt like I was still so young when I was so small at home. Everything went so fast.  
E: I know ... but we still have beautiful moments to live together. I'm sure.

Michael was coming down the stairs.

C: You're probably right but then I have to hang up your father arrives.  
E: I'll call you back on Friday mom.  
C: I love you Em'.  
E: Me too mom.

They hung up. Claudia put down her phone, she went to the kitchen to put away a little. Michael came to get her to go to sleep. Before going to bed, Michael wanted to know if Claudia had planned to get back to work quickly. He crisscrossed his hand with Claudia's.

M: Have you had a good day?  
C: Yes, very good. And you ?  
M: Very good too. As you know, some divisions have been deployed since July of last year to protect and secure important sites. There has been a turnover and for the moment Fort Marshall is not concerned.  
C: Yes, I saw her at the news. But it will inevitably be one day ...  
M: I have nothing official at the moment. It is rather the Air Force that is concerned. There is a lot of turnover and strikes right now.  
C: Do not worry, I will not say anything as usual.  
Place yourself ? Do you want to resume your work?  
C: I'm helping Denise and Jackie at the FRG right now. But I'm not there all day and I'm starting to not know what to do at home. So yes I think back. I would like to resume but at my own pace. I'm thinking of asking Emmalin for the code to unlock my work files on my computer. I would like to see where they are regarding my files.  
M: Can your colleagues see your files?  
C: Yes, we have a database in common. The software that we have to manage our files is updated each time it is closed. And by going to the database you can see the progress of all the files. That's how Grant had noticed that my files were quickly closed, that I was working too much and ... well he was right and I did not want to hear.  
M: Claudia, the past is in the past.  
C: You're right. At the moment it is a time when we have a little less business than the rest of the year. This may be the right time to resume.  
M: You could start at home again.  
C: Yes, I thought about it. But before I have to unlock my files.  
M: Call Emmalin, she'll tell you what to do.  
C: She is in full revisions and I do not want to disturb her.

Claudia did not mention her call with her daughter.

M: I think she will be happy to have a call from her mother. I miss her.  
C: I know. To me too. Even though I saw it during the holidays, I was not put back and I did not know how to take advantage of it.  
M: Do you know when she comes back?  
C: If she is not involved in any hockey team, she returns in mid-July.  
M: And if not?  
C: The last time she explained to me that August was the month of the rehearsals for the teams, the recovery was in September. And the selections will be early July, so if it is taken it will go directly to where his team will be.  
M: She did not talk about Canada?  
C: If ... I am a bad mother if I hope she will miss the selection for Canada?

It snatched a laugh from Michael.

M: Of course not, otherwise I am also a bad father. She grew up so fast.

Claudia, who had Michael's hand in his, brought her to his face to kiss him.

C: You know you were a great father.  
M: The relationship I had with my daughters was more beautiful than I could have imagined, even in spite of those moments that I could not live with you from my missions.  
C: I know we've been your pillars, every moment of your life.  
M: That's right ... that's why losing Amanda was so painful. And that's why seeing Emmalin go and seeing it less and less is difficult for me. But I have you.

They smiled at each other.

M: You know that I love you!  
C: Yes, but that does not stop you from saying it again ...  
M: I love you!

They kissed tenderly. Then went to bed. The next day, Michael spent his time organizing the day on Friday. This Friday, Claudia was waiting for the long-awaited call from her daughter. As expected, Emmalin telephoned him at lunchtime. She announced to her mother that she will be there that evening. Claudia was moved with joy. She could not wait to see her daughter again. She dared not imagine the surprise that Michael would have. While waiting for this moment, she went to the FRG to help Denise set up the room for Valentine's Day for single women. There were few, but some soldiers would be in real-life training for three full days, the first day was 14 February. When she returned around 6 pm, she arrived in a very quiet house. She went upstairs to put on a more comfortable outfit. She then lives in the bathroom, the tub filled with water and foam. Some candles were lit. Claudia thought immediately of Michael. He would always surprise her. She took the opportunity to move. When she went out, she saw that on her chair in front of her dressing table was one of her dresses that Michael loved. It was a black dress, which came to him above the knee, which marked him a little. This dress was asymmetrical at the top and had only one brettelle, wide, which passed on his left shoulder where were some small diamonds. Claudia combed her hair, and preferred to drop her hair on her shoulders. She put on her makeup lightly. As always, no coat was ready. She then realized that Michael was probably waiting for him downstairs with his coat to put it on him. So she went down to the entrance. But she does not see anyone. She heard a voice.

M: You are beautiful my love!

Claudia turned around. Michael had put on suit pants but he just had a white shirt open at the top. Claudia was charmed once again. But she was still curious to know what was going to happen. Michael came to take his hand and he kissed her.

C: I see you've planned everything ...  
M: Are we going?

Claudia nodded and headed for the front door. But Michael held her to him.

M: All planned yes, but not as you think.

Claudia frowned. Michael took him with him to the winter lounge, which had been refitted for the occasion. She could not help but discover a round table, set up for two people, in the middle of various candles that left a wonderful atmosphere in the room.

C: Michael ...

He smiled at him.

M: I wanted to surprise you, and spend an evening without anything or anyone, just you and me.  
C: It's a wonderful surprise.

She kissed him to thank him and sat at the table. Michael settled in front of her.

M: You'll quickly guess that I did not cook, and the protocol took care of everything.  
C: It does not matter. I'm glad I had this nice evening at home with you.  
M: Sa did not happen often ...  
C: That's right. But it makes even more beautiful these days when you are at home.

They drank and took a sip of champagne.

C: I feel like this Valentine's Day will be like no other.  
M: It's a way to close what happened the last few months once and for all.  
C: Michael, I do not know what I will have done without you ...  
M: Claudia, I always remember our first Valentine's Day. I remember how much I cared for you. Today I want you as much, if not more, than that day. I will always be there Claudia.

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fils au combat. On a reçu cette nouvelle comme un choc. On venait de comprendre que s'était possible de perdre ses proches à la guerre. Ta mère à pleurer, elle a compris que sa pouvait nous arriver. Tu as déjà été blessé une fois, cela ne t'a pas suffi ? M : Ce sont les risques du métier mais … Michael dévisagea ses parents. Ils étaient en colère. Il comprit qu'ils n'avaient jamais accepté son choix de carrière. Ils avaient tout fait pour ses frères, comprit qu'ils se voyaient tous les weekends, organisaient des déjeuner en famille, fêtaient tous les anniversaires chez eux, avec tout le monde. Mais jamais ils n'avaient invité Michael et sa famille pour fêter les anniversaires d'Emmalin ou encore d'Amanda. Sa mère lui téléphonait pour son anniversaire, mais jamais ils n'avaient organisé de déjeuner en famille pour l'occasion. Ces occasions étaient pourtant rares, étant absent en raison de ses missions. Il se souvint que Claudia était allé passer un ou deux Noël chez eux, mais que jamais ils n'avaient réinvité leur belle-fille avec leurs petites-filles. Michael fut attristé de tout ça. Il constata qu'un fossé s'était creusé entre lui et sa famille. M : Qu'est-ce que tu essayes de me dire exactement ? Do : Daniel, arrête s'il te plait … Da : Reviens en Floride, arrête de vouloir jouer les héros au péril de ta vie. Arrête d'angoisser ta mère chaque jour … M : Vous ne pouvez pas me demander ça. Da : Très bien alors écoutes moi bien. Depuis le jour où tu es partie pour faire ta soi-disant carrière, ta mère ne vivait plus que dans la peur, même lorsqu'on savait que tu n'étais pas en mission. C'est pour cette raison que je n'ai jamais accepté ton choix. Mais elle était tellement fière de ce fils dans l'armée qui deviendrait peut-être un jour un général. Je n'ai jamais rien dit. L'armée t'a éloigné d'elle petit à petit. Depuis quelques années, les seuls mots que l'on entend de la bouche des gens c'est « L'armée de nos jours est vraiment difficile, les missions sont tellement dangereuses, j'espère que votre fils rentrera vivant. » Comment crois-tu que nous réagissions à cela ? Je suis en colère, parce que toutes ses années tu ne nous as apporté que du souci. Tu as délaissé tes frères, tu nous as délaissé. Regarde, tu vas partir deux ans, quand tu vas rentrer, si tu rentres, tu vas devoir de réadapter pendant de longs mois, puis tu reprendras ton poste, peut être alors tu viendras nous voir. On te reverra quand ? Dans 3 ans, dans 4 ans ? Alors quitte l'armée, devient professeur comme tu as voulu l'être … sinon, passes cette porte, et tu ne seras plus jamais notre fils … Do : Daniel ! Tu ne peux pas dire sa … Da : C'est l'armée, ou sa famille … Son père se leva, il partit dans le jardin en claquant la porte. Sa mère resta assise, sous le choc de ce qu'il venait de se passer. M : Maman, tu peux comprendre que … Do : Je ne comprends pas la réaction de ton père mais ce qu'il a dit est vrai. Je vis avec la peur au ventre depuis que tu es militaire et … j'ai toujours cette impression de n'avoir que trois enfants, pas quatre … M : Alors tu es de son côté … Do : Non, simplement j'aimerai que … M : Maman, je ne peux pas quitter l'armée, Claudia a sa vie aussi sur la base, ses amies, son quotidien. Amanda et Emmalin aussi, je ne peux pas leur enlever leur équilibre. Do : Vivre dans l'armée est équilibré ? Changer de base, les années sans leur père … M : Elles sont habituées à vivre comme ça, pour elles c'est leur équilibre. Michael se leva pour partir. Do : Non attend chéri … M : Vous n'avez jamais accepté mon choix, vous êtes en colère contre moi, vous voulez choisir pour moi. Mais je ne peux pas quitter mon métier, pas maintenant, pas comme ça. Alors apparemment la seule chose à faire, comme papa l'a dit, oubliez-moi. Michael quitta la maison de ses parents. Il n'y revint plus jamais. " Michael releva le visage vers Claudia. Il avait les yeux humides. Il repensa à cette unique fois où il avait aperçu ses parents. C'était le jour des obsèques de sa fille. Il les avait vu repartir, mais ni sa mère, ni son père n'avaient eu un regard, un mot, pour lui ou pour Claudia. Il avait compris qu'ils étaient venus pour dire au revoir à leur petite-fille mais qu'il n'existait plus pour eux. Il avait vaguement parlé à Claudia le jour où il était rentré. Cette dernière avait compris rapidement que quelque chose s'était passé. Une fois, elle avait voulu abordé le sujet, mais il avait coupé court à la conversation. Depuis ce jour Claudia ne lui en avait pas reparlé, excepté ce 14 février 2014. M : Mon père m'a demandé de quitter l'armée. C : Quoi ? M : Il m'a expliqué qu'avec ma mère ils n'avaient jamais accepté au fond, que je sois un soldat, et que je mette ma vie en péril à chaque mission. C : Pendant autant d'année ils ne t'ont jamais rien dit ? M : Non … C : Mon chéri … je suis désolé. Pourquoi tu ne m'en as jamais parlé ? M : Parce que ce jour-là mon père m'a dit que si je choisissais de partir en mission, à partir du moment où je passerai la porte d'entrée … je ne serais plus leur fils. Claudia était abasourdie. Elle était surtout triste pour Michael, et ne comprenais pas pourquoi il ne lui avait jamais parlé de tout ça. Il avait gardé ça en lui tout ce temps. C : Chéri je … je suis tellement désolé. M : Tu n'y aies pour rien Claudia. Je ne pouvais pas quitter l'armée à cette époque. C : Je sais. Ton métier est trop important pour toi pour l'enlever de ta vie. M : Claudia, quitter l'armée signifiait que toi et les filles aussi en partiez. Tu as toujours eu tes amies, tu étais présidente du FRG, s'était aussi ta vie, je ne pouvais pas t'enlever ça. On aurait vécu de quoi ? Claudia fut touché de voir que Michael avait pensé à elle dans toute cette histoire.

The emotion began to win them. They smiled at each other.

C: When I was little, I was hoping to find someone with whom I would stay for the rest of my life, like my parents. I would not have imagined to find this person.  
M: Life is good sometimes.  
C: Oh yes ...  
M: Claudia, did you call your parents?  
C: Yes, they come next weekend.  
M: They were so worried.  
C: I know. But I did not want them to come ...  
M: I know, you did not want them to see you so badly.

Claudia nodded. She lowered her head. She thought of Michael's parents. She looked up and dived into her husband's eyes. She knew that Michael would not be able to get upset about them tonight because he would not want to ruin the evening. She found the appropriate moment to return to this difficult subject for him. We served them the entrance, and they began to eat.

C: Honey, talking about parents ...

Michael sighed.

M: Not tonight ...  
C: Michael, I'm so bad for you in this situation.  
M: You must not. You're here for nothing.  
C: Maybe, but you never really explained what was happening ...  
M: Claudia, nothing's happening, you know. I no longer exist for them.  
C: But why?

Michael realized that Claudia would not let go this time.

M: When I went to see them to say goodbye to them before my two-year deployment, my mother was very scared. I can not blame her for that.  
C: Of course, we can only be afraid when a person we love goes to a country at war for two years.

Michael then remembered this moment with these parents.  
It was almost 10 years ago now. Michael was diving into his memories.

"That day, Michael arrived in the early afternoon with his parents who had been living in Florida for a few years. They were more than happy to see him again. Donna's mother often worried about him, but she was more than proud of her son's career, just like his father Daniel.

Do: Come in honey. How are you ?  
M: Good.  
Da: How are the preparations for the deployment going?  
M: Claudia manages everything perfectly.  
Do: You're so lucky to have it.  
M: I know.  
Da: How long are you going this time?  
M: Two years.

The announcement made the room cold.

Do: Two years? Why so much time?  
M: The army decided mom ...  
Da: Michael, you have to understand that it's very difficult, if not more, for your mother to see you go. A lot of things can happen in two years, and you know we're not very young anymore.  
M: I know, that's why I come to see you before each new start.  
Da: Its not enough anymore. All this makes your mother sick. She can not bear to know you in a country at war to risk your life every day. Every day she trembles with every phone call and hopes that it is not your wife who announces the bad news so dreaded.  
M: Dad, I know it's complicated. Because it has it for Claudia and also for my daughters. And do not forget that it has it for me too.  
Da: You said you would stay in the army for 5 years, duration of your contract. Leave the army if all that is too difficult for you.  
M: I'll be alone, I'll have left a long time ago. But because the army has helped to shelter my family, thanks to the various benefits to the health coverage it gives us. With Claudia we built our life, our family with the army and the army is part of our life. I can not leave her like this today, not until my country needs me. This mission can allow me to come back, with less deployment later, which would be beneficial for everyone.  
Da: If you come back alive Michael ...  
Do: Honey, I'm so worried when you go like this. I never understood why you had chosen the army. You wanted to be a history teacher.  
M: I know mom. Having been taken to WestPoint, we knew that this kind of opportunity could arise. As I told you, if I had not met Claudia, I would have stayed only 5 years in the army yes. But Claudia followed me, dropped out of school to live with me, to be with me. She agreed to live with a soldier who is serving the army.  
Da: You could not do like your brothers? Stay close to us? Thanks to their job, they were able to move to Florida near us. We see our grandchildren every weekend.  
M: Dad, I made a choice of life, you were very proud ... why this turnaround today?  
Da: Because I'm tired of seeing your mother so bad every time. I wanted to tell you for years, but your mother stopped me. But this time it's too much ... Michael, since when did not you see your brothers?  
M: Dad I ...  
Do: They think you do not want to see them anymore ...

Do: They think you do not want to see them anymore ...  
Da: A friend of your mother lost her son in battle. We received this news as a shock. It had been understood that it was possible to lose his relatives to the war. Your mother crying, she understood that it could happen to us. Have you ever been hurt once, that was not enough for you?  
M: These are the risks of the job but ...  
Michael stared at his parents. They were angry. He understood that they had never accepted his career choice. They had done everything for his brothers, understood that they saw each other on weekends, organized family lunches, celebrated all birthdays at home, with everyone. But they never invited Michael and his family to celebrate the birthdays of Emmalin or Amanda. His mother phoned him for his birthday, but they had never organized a family lunch for the occasion. These opportunities, however, were rare, being absent because of his missions. He remembered that Claudia had gone to spend one or two Christmas holidays at home, but that they had never re-invited their daughter-in-law with their granddaughters. Michael was saddened by all this. He found that there was a gap between him and his family.

M: What are you trying to tell me exactly?  
Do: Daniel, please stop ...  
Da: Come back to Florida, stop wanting to play the heroes at the risk of your life. Stop worrying your mother every day ...  
M: You can not ask me that.  
Da: All right then listen to me well. Since the day you left to do your so-called career, your mother lived only in fear even when you knew you were not on a mission. That's why I never accepted your choice. But she was so proud of this son in the army who would perhaps become a general someday. I never said anything. The army took you away from her little by little. In recent years, the only words we hear from people's mouths is "The army these days is really difficult, the missions are so dangerous, I hope your son will come back alive. How do you think we react to that? I am angry, because all his years you have brought us only concern. You have forsaken your brothers, you have forsaken us. Look, you're going to leave two years, when you go home, if you come back, you'll have to rehabilitate for many months, then you'll take your job, maybe you'll come and see us. Will we see you again when? In 3 years, in 4 years? So leave the army, become a teacher as you wanted to be ... otherwise, pass this door, and you will never be our son ...  
Do: Daniel! You can not tell her ...  
Da: It's the army, or his family ...

His father got up, he went into the garden slamming the door. His mother sat, shocked by what had happened.

M: Mom, can you understand that ...  
Do: I do not understand your father's reaction but what he said is true. I live with fear in my stomach since you were a soldier and ... I always have the impression of having only three children, not four ...  
M: So you're on his side ...  
Do: No, just I would like that ...  
M: Mom, I can not leave the army, Claudia has her life also on the base, her friends, her daily life. Amanda and Emmalin too, I can not take away their balance.  
Do: Live in the army is balanced? Change base, years without their father ...  
M: They are used to living like this, for them it's their balance.

Michael got up to leave.

Do: No, wait, Michael ...  
M: You have never accepted my choice, you are angry with me, you want to choose for me. But I can not leave my job, not now, not like that. So apparently the only thing to do, as Dad said, forget me.

Michael left his parents' house. He never came back again. "

Michael looked up at Claudia. He had wet eyes. He thought back to that one time he had seen his parents. It was his daughter's funeral day. He had seen them leave, but neither his mother nor his father had a look or a word for him or Claudia. He understood that they had come to say goodbye to their granddaughter, but that it no longer existed for them. He had vaguely talked to Claudia the day he came home. She had quickly realized that something had happened. Once she had wanted to talk about it, but he had cut short the conversation. Since that day Claudia had not spoken to her about it, except this February 14, 2014.

M: My father asked me to leave the army.  
What is it ?  
M: He explained to me that with my mother they had never accepted at the bottom, that I am a soldier, and that I put my life in danger at each mission.  
C: For so many years they never told you anything?  
M: No ...  
C: Sweatheart ... I'm sorry. Why did not you tell me about it?

M: Because that day my father told me that if I chose to go on a mission, from the moment I walk through the front door ... I will not be their son anymore.

Claudia was stunned. She was especially sad for Michael, and did not understand why he had never told her about it. He had kept that in him all this time.

C: Honey I ... I'm so sorry.  
M: You have nothing to do with Claudia. I could not leave the army at that time.  
C: I know. Your job is too important for you to take it out of your life.  
M: Claudia, leaving the army meant that you and the girls also left. You always had your friends, you were president of the FRG, was also your life, I could not take that away from you. What would we have lived with?

Claudia was touched to see that Michael had thought of her in this whole story.

M: But since Amanda left I still think I should have retired already that day.  
What is it ? And why ?  
M: Honey, because we would have settled down for good, somewhere else. And especially because Amanda would still be there.  
C: You can not think that like his Michael.  
M: But it has crossed my mind many times.  
C: Life was what it was because it had to be like that. You would never have been a three star general.  
M: I know. Do you understand why retiring seems more and more plausible?

Michael came back to the discussion he had with Claudia shortly after he returned from the hospital after his coma.

C: Of course, honey ... but why did not you ever talk about all this?  
M: The day I left my parents' house, I put all that aside. But to see them on the day of the funeral ... I understood that they had really forgotten me. They had come for Amanda, not for us.  
C: Do not say that. Maybe they had in mind that you would come and talk to them?  
M: I always thought that if they wanted to see me again, they should take the first step. I did not want what happened ...  
C: Sometimes you have to provoke destiny ... look with my mother.  
M: I do not know.  
C: Would you like to see them again?  
M: I would especially like to understand, discuss. Whatever the purpose of the discussion, whether they stay on their position, whether it changes something or not ... I ...

Michael sighed.

C: Call them ...  
M: It's above my strength. I often thought of them telling them that maybe they would have liked to know about my accidents, injuries, hospital stay. That it might have unlocked something and they would have come back to me.  
C: You made me promise to warn them of nothing except the worst. And because I love you, I listened to you. I did not want to get angry.  
M: I know. And I can not thank you enough for that. But deep down I hope someday to be reunited with them and talk. I have not heard from my brothers either.  
C: I can take care of it if you want.  
M: No, I ... I'll do it myself, I have to do it. I want to have my conscience calm.  
C: Okay. You know, I understand better why you want to retire. Even if that day makes me a little scared because it is finally the unknown, I am ready to accept your decision if it can allow you to find your past.  
M: Thank you ... but for the moment I have not really made up my mind ...

Claudia frowned.

C: But ... you were so sure of yourself.  
M: Yes. But many things come into play. And after my three months in Brussels, and even though these months were morally difficult, I realized that this job was more than a passion for me. I have always wanted to be deployed, and to serve my country elsewhere than here. For me to be a soldier was to be elsewhere, otherwise it was useless. I realize that I still have a little desire to have an order that tells me to leave. And even if it costs me to leave you, you know it.  
C: Of course I know it honey.

Claudia looked at the bottom of her plate. She thought back to a discussion she had with Roland when Michael was in a coma. She was so scared, she wanted him to leave the army. But when Michael had the idea to do it, she had never told him that many times she had already thought about it.

She looked up, Michael smiled at him.

C: Michael, I wanted you to leave the army too ...  
M: You ... what?  
C: When you were in a coma. I was so anxious that I wanted you to leave the army. But when you told me you wanted to do it, I was scared.  
M: But ... and why?  
C: I'm afraid to lose you Michael. It is true that you were very lucky. Whenever you have to leave I'll wonder if it would be the last time I said goodbye, that you would kiss me.  
M: Honey ...

Michael took her hand and caressed it.

M: It looks like the decision is made for both of us ...  
C: I'm not sure of that. We have just been through difficult weeks and today it is our emotions that speak, and I do not want you to make a decision on a whim.  
M: But if I decide to continue, I do not want to relive a period of shouting like what we had last year.  
C: Honey, I'll never blame you for your decision. She belongs to you. And you have no fear to have, I will not do like your parents. I will always support you and I will always be there for you you know it.  
M: I love you Claudia.  
C: I love you too.

While talking, they had finished their dinner. We served them the dessert.

C: This meal was delicious. I loved dining at home.  
M: Me too.

Claudia thought back to this discussion. A question burned his lips.

C: Michael I ... when we were cold last year ...

Michael ate his dessert, he frowned.

C: Everything almost ended badly. Is ... to avoid being separated, could you have left the army?  
M: Claudia, you are everything to me. If to save our history I will have had only this possibility, I will have done it. I knew the solution was that you get up with your job. But I left the army without hesitation despite everything because I did not want to lose you.

Claudia realized that he would have done it for her, but not for her parents. She realized then that her husband's life was all about her job, her and Emmalin's. She understood why he had only been to see his parents too rarely, and why in the end they also resented him. She then promised to do something so that Michael could see them at least once, so that they could talk again. They got up after they finished dinner so that the protocol members could quickly put away and go home. Claudia thought that Michael was following her, but he made a detour through the kitchen before quickly returning to the living room. Turning around, she saw Michael with a big bunch of red roses.

C: Michael ...

He gave it to him. Claudia looked at her, she counted 25 roses.

C: Why 25?  
M: Because it's our 25th Valentine's day to spend with each other.

Claudia found this attention very touching. She smiled at him.

M: Happy Valentine's Day my love.

They kissed tenderly. That's when we knocked on the front door.

M: Who can it be at this time?

Claudia smiled at him.

C: I think it's my surprise gift coming up.


	8. Chapter 8 - When life return to the best

Claudia opened the door. She felt a lot of happiness seeing her daughter. Emmalin gave his coat to his mother and entered his suitcase. Michael intrigued, had approached the entrance wondering what kind of surprise gift Claudia could find this year. He looked out the living room window but saw no sign. Then he heard someone talk to him.

E: Hi daddy!

This voice he would have recognized among a thousand. He turned his head to his daughter. When he saw her, he was the happiest in the world. A great emotion prevented him from speaking. So he took his daughter in his arms and hugged her. Claudia notices Michael's teary eyes. She was touched by her reunion. Michael had not seen his daughter for five months now and she missed him a lot. He kissed his daughter on the cheek. He then extended an arm to Claudia who joined him, he kissed her and took her against him too. Silence reflected the happiness everyone felt.

C: Happy Valentine's Day sweatheart.

Michael kissed her on the temple. Being all three together was the best gift Claudia could give him.

M: Thank you honey, and thank you Emmalin for coming.  
E: I do not hide that I had to organize myself to be there this weekend but for you and for mom, I had to come. We have not met for so long.  
M: And for your exams precisely?  
E: These are just big controls that will allow us to increase our point capital for the end of the year, I worked well upstream and I organized myself to be able to work anyway.  
C: I'm so glad you're home my angel.  
E: We'll have a good weekend.  
C: It will be short but we will get some fresh ideas.  
E: Longer than expected, I will not leave until Sunday afternoon.  
C: Is it true?  
E: And yes, I managed to make good progress in my work on Wednesday and Thursday nights so that's it.

Michael kissed his daughter on the cheek.

M: Great.

They then detached themselves so that Emmalin could put his suitcase in his room. In the entrance, Michael took his wife in his arms.

M: Thank you thank you thank you.  
C: Oh, honey. I think we both needed to have him with us a little bit.  
M: You do not imagine the nice surprise you made me. I love you Claudia.  
C: Me too.

They kissed tenderly, then climbed in their turn. Emmalin was very tired and she told them to prefer to sleep to be available as soon as possible the next day. His parents then wished him a good night and they went to their room. After taking a quick shower Michael joined Claudia who was checking her blood sugar. When she packed her things and she went to bed, Michael came to kiss her on the cheek. Claudia turned her face and tenderly laid her lips on Michael's. They then took each other in the arms.

M: I had a wonderful day.  
C: Hmm ... it was so good to be just both.  
M: Remember, this is the most beautiful Valentine's day I've had.  
C: I'm just happy to have had the past with you, because there was little where you were there.  
M: I know.

Michael tightened his embrace.

M: I love you so much.  
C: I know. I love you too.

She kissed Michael in the neck. After one last hug, they went to bed and fell asleep quickly, tired of all the emotions they had during the day. The next morning, happiness was breathing in the house, everyone was so happy to be with the family. They met for breakfast.

M: I'm sorry but I'm going to have to go to the office this morning.  
C: Do not be sorry honey, I know the reason and unfortunately you do not have much choice.  
E: Why is it happening?  
C: You have seen what is going on in the world right now. Fort Marshall may be concerned soon, especially now that the Air Force is part of our base.  
E: Oh, I understand. Dad do not worry, I have to work this morning too. We will spend time this afternoon together.  
M: Okay. I'm going

He kissed Emmalin on the cheek and kissed Claudia tenderly.

M: I love you!  
E & C: We too!

Michael left, Emmalin wanted to be sure that his mother was perfectly fine.

E: Dad looks tired.  
C: He has a lot of work. For proof he starts working again on Saturday morning. And we both know it does not bode well.  
E: And you?  
It's me ?  
E: How are you?  
It's very good.

Claudia smiled at her daughter. She saw that she was worried.

C: When your father came back I found my marks and everything went back to normal. I give you my word that all this is behind me.  
E: That's good. I was so worried.  
C: I understand Em'. And I'm sorry for causing you this worry.  
E: It's nothing. Now everything is behind you as you say. And for work?  
C: Exactly, I told your father that I had a little desire to resume.  
E: Super!  
C: By the way you can unlock my work folder?  
E: Yes of course. And with dad, are you both ok?  
C: Hmm hum ... we're always worried about each other, but I'm afraid it never leaves us.  
E: Mom, you have to get past that.  
C: If only life left us alone a little!  
E: I understand. Good to go I go back. What did you expect this morning?  
C: I'm going to Denise's house, I have not seen her since Wednesday.  
E: Ok, see you later.  
C: See you later honey!

Emmalin went back to work. Claudia tidied up a little and went to Denise's house after she had confirmed that she was at home.

D: Michael must have hallucinated seeing her no?  
C: He was so happy. We were really moved. But it feels good to be all three. It's rare now.  
D: And then this evening?  
C: Michael had prepared me a bubble bath and my black dress, you know, the one he loves!  
D: Wah ... and after?  
C: He had rearranged the parlor, and we had dinner there both.  
D: Did he cook?  
C: Are you kidding? Michael cook me?  
D: Yes good ok sorry for being optimistic.

They laughed together.

C: No he had brought in the Protocol.  
D: It's good to be a general!  
C: You surprise me! What about you ?  
D: We stayed here too, he had planned a romantic meal, roses. Simple but just being with him that day is great in itself.

Claudia nodded. After talking for a while, Claudia went home and prepared lunch. Michael came back around 13h, he went up to see his daughter. He knocked on the door and entered.

M: How are you?  
E: If you want. I still have some work for this week.  
M: I see. Come this weekend bored you hum?  
E: What? But of course not daddy! It just was not planned and I had to review my plans for revisions. I only have to re-read some important files.  
M: You know, it was important for your mother that you come. She did not tell you but ...  
E: I know daddy. When I left after the holidays, I was worried. When I knew you were back, I was relieved, but I would have liked to come back long enough to see Mom again.  
M: You know, your coming here this weekend makes me crazy too. So thank you for coming.  
E: I needed it too.

They smiled at each other. Then Michael reminded his daughter that he had gone up to pick her up for the meal that was ready. So they went down to join Claudia. They spent the rest of the weekend together. Michael was so happy, Claudia was happy to see him like that and have his daughter close to her. On Sunday afternoon, Emmalin flew back to Woodsen. Returning home, Michael and Claudia were delighted with their weekend.

M: What a weekend!  
C: Oh yes, it was so good to have him with us. I miss her already.  
M: Oh me too. When will his last exams be?  
C: She has a week of vacation at the end of April but the exams begin the following days so she will not come. And knowing her, she will work practically all day to succeed.  
M: It's even safe. Our little Emmalin took flight.

Claudia nodded. Everything had gone so fast. This stage in the life of their daughter seemed brutal. Unfortunately, they had not known that with Amanda and had not prepared to see Emmalin leave the house forever.

M: But will it go hum?  
C: Yes. And then we will enjoy being both.  
M: This program suits me.

They smiled at each other. Emmalin telephoned them an hour or so later to reassure them and tell them she had arrived safely. The following weekend, it was Claudia's parents who came to spend the weekend. They arrived at the end of the day on Friday. The taxi arrived in front of Michael and Claudia, the latter went to greet them.

C: Hello mom!  
Ch: Hi darling!

Charlotte took her daughter in her arms, which she had rarely done.

Ch: How are you?  
C: As you can see, wonderfully.  
A: That's good, we were so worried.  
C: Hello dad.

Randall kissed his daughter on the forehead. They all went inside. Claudia's parents moved into the guest room. Claudia went to the kitchen to prepare the evening dinner. Michael returned early enough that day. He put his things in his office and sat down to read his last emails of the day. Claudia came to see him.

C: Already returned?  
M: Yes, and you know, I do not have to go to work this weekend.  
C: Oh, that's great honey!

Claudia went around Michael's desk, she sat down on her lap, and as Michael wrapped her arms around her, she kissed him tenderly.

M: Ohh ... that's kind of attention after a day's work.

Claudia stroked her cheek, she stared at him and kissed her again. Michael deepens his kiss. Claudia quickly understood where he was coming from. She pulled away from him, looked at him with mischief.

C: I remind you that my parents are here ...  
M: They have already arrived?  
C: Hum hum ...  
M: Too bad ... do I have a chance to see you coming up to join me in five minutes?  
C: Michael ... I have a dinner to finish preparing ...  
M: Well, I'll have tried at least ...  
C: But I do not say no to find you then ...

Michael had a futile laugh. Claudia smiled at him. They kissed one last time and Claudia went back to the kitchen. Once at the table, the discussion turned to Michael's work.

M: You know, the situation in the world is quite worrying.  
R: Will you be deployed?  
M: In my case it's pretty difficult to say because on the one hand I lead the base and it is rare that leaders are included in the deployment. Then I arrive at the end of my assignment as a three-star general, so if the Pentagon has decided not to renew this assignment, there is nothing that would force them to deploy me.  
Ch: Anyway, anything can happen in the army.  
C: Then you're absolutely right mom.  
M: It's true that everything can change in a short time.

Charlotte sighed.

Ch: I'm asking myself a question ...  
C: Which mother ...  
Ch: How did you manage to be separated so much time and so often?

Claudia could not believe it. For the first time since she was with Michael, her mother told them about their relationship. Claudia met Michael's gaze, who was as disillusioned as she was.

C: Actually, we did not really have a choice, you know.  
Ch: Claudia, is it because of Michael's absences that everything has gone so far? When Michael phoned us from Brussels to tell us why you were in the hospital, we were really scared ...  
C: It's not because of Michael, but it must be said that these last ten years have not been simple. After Amanda's disappearance everything went awry. Emmalin asked us a lot of worries afterwards, we discovered my diabetes, Michael went back to Afghanistan; and this deployment did not really succeed, it had been so long since it had not been deployed. He was taken hostage, it was believed that the base was going to close, and then I had my kidney problem, my one-year trip with the First Lady and all that followed with that period of time. is so far away that we almost got divorced ...  
R: Divorce?

Randall watched Charlotte and Claudia take turns. Their daughter did not tell them about this time.

C: Yes, divorce ...

Claudia got up from the table to get the coffee.

M: Like you 9 years ago ...  
Ch: It's true that we had failed too.  
R: You wanted me to call you back, not me ...  
Ch: Randall ...

Claudia returned with the tray where the cups and the coffee were.

C: A bad pass, but we managed to bounce back and recover.  
M: Exactly.  
Ch: Not totally seen what happened. We were really scared you know.  
C: I know ...  
M: I reassure you too. Especially since it was impossible at first to talk to him, to phone him. Fortunately, Denise was there.  
C: I had a difficult time, especially when Michael had to go back to Brussels. I had something in me that made me guilty.  
Ch: Guilty?  
M: I understood that Claudia felt guilty, that something deep inside her was hard to bear. That's why on returning from the trip she went back to work, to work too much. It's exactly the same thing that caused his burnout.

Claudia's parents looked at Michael with misunderstanding. Claudia felt helpless. Even if she had admitted it, and that guilt was no longer in her heart, there would always be a little bit of uncertainty for her.

M: She thought she was responsible for Amanda's death.  
Ch: What?  
R: How could you think of his honey?  
C: My daughter died dad, I could only feel responsible for all that. It was me who was supposed to drive her to the station and instead I stopped at the bar.  
R: Okay, but Amanda made the decision to join you on her own ...  
C: I know ... but why did she do that?

Claudia sighed. Emotions surfaced and it was hard to fight.

M: We'll never know it, but I'm sure she had a very good reason.

Claudia's father, who is a retired judge, used to make deductions with little evidence. Even though Claudia was doing this as a lawyer, she had never been able to think back to that evening, because each time these memories were unbearable. But Randall did it. He had never dared talk to Michael and Claudia because the few times he had seen them since then, they never spoke about Amanda and the day of his death. But tonight was different, and he started.

R: I think I know why.  
What is it ?  
R: Let's say I've been thinking about it since the night when we heard this terrible news. Because I did not understand the situation in which you ended up with your daughter that night my darling.  
Ch: You never told me about it ...  
R: This is not a topic that comes up often, it hurts us more than anything else ...  
M: What are you thinking?  
R: When Claudia told me that she saw Amanda landed shortly after the explosion accident officer arrived, I thought, but why would she come back when a man with explosives, bombs had already returned, why did not she rather think of protecting herself?

Hearing her father's words was unbearable for Claudia. Why did not Amanda stay in the car waiting for her as she had asked? Claudia closed her eyes, she hoped for a second return to that evening, and not stop in front of the Hump. But when she opened her eyes, she was still with her parents at the table.

R: So it was easy, Amanda came home to come and get you out.

Claudia looked at Michael. They had never thought of this eventuality.

C: I always thought that she had come back only to pick me up because she was going to be late to catch her train and she was tired of waiting.  
R: Claudia, your daughter must have seen the man arrive. She was afraid for you.

Claudia then remembered something she had completely forgotten. While she was unconscious after the blast, she had dreamed of Amanda, so she asked him why, her daughter had told her that she had done this for her. She had never really understood the meaning of it all. For her, it was a mere dream of what should have been the rest of their journey. What if it was just a message from his daughter who had just left them? She came back to her.

R: No one could know where the manager would be when he returned. Amanda probably thought to go back, take you by one arm to get you out, and leave before all this happens. She must have seen your friends arrive too, she thought of you before thinking about her. She did not think everything would be like that.  
Ch: Darling, life decided that everything would be like that. Regardless of your choices, what you could have done otherwise, everything had to happen like that, and nothing could have been avoided. So you are and you will never be responsible for the departure of your daughter. Okay ?

Claudia sighed, her eyes filled with tears. Charlotte got up and came to embrace her daughter. Turning her face to Michael, she saw him sigh and look up to not cry. He got up and went upstairs. Claudia was surprised.

Ch: I can not feel what you felt with Michael. But the pain is hard enough to overcome to add that kind of thoughts.  
C: We hang on to what we can in his moments you know ...

Charlotte kissed her daughter on the hair.

Ch: Sa will go now?  
C: Yes ... thanks to Michael I managed to get back on the slope. And everything was already better. But thanks to you for your words. Even if nothing will erase what I feel, it will have allowed me to calm down a little.  
R: The parents are there for that darling.

Claudia gave them a smile. The hour had turned and it was already late. Claudia quickly cleared and put away the kitchen after telling her parents that they could go up to sleep, that she took care of everything. She went up quickly and came to her room, she heard Michael in the shower. She asked herself questions because he had never acted that way during a dinner. Claudia waited for him. When he came out of the bathroom, she met his eyes.

M: Are you already here?  
C: We did not stay still. Honey, how are you?  
M: Yes ...

Claudia took a hand.

C: Why did you come up so fast? You had eyes filled with tears, what happened?  
M: No it's just that ... it's just that seeing your mother hug you and have that tenderness for you despite all that you went through, touched me and ...

Claudia gave him a smile. But she did not expect the end of the sentence.

M: I thought back to my parents ...

Claudia frowned.

M: I understood that I had not really forgotten everything that happened ...  
C: Oh darling.

Claudia came against him, she embraced him with her arms.

M: Sa will, do not worry ...

Michael kissed her on the cheek and pulled away from her. He was going to sit on the bed.

C: Call them.

Michael looked up.

M: What?  
C: Call them.  
M: Claudia, you know it's not possible. They had hurtful words, if they had a little remorse, they would have called.  
C: Sometimes you have to know how to provoke destiny.  
M: Honey, at Amanda's funeral there was an opportunity to talk again. They did not come to see us. It was I who saw them in the distance, from behind. They did not warn me of their coming.  
C: I know. They were warned of the disappearance of their little girl but they did not come to us. But perhaps because they did not want to complicate the situation that was so painful at that moment.  
M: Exactly Claudia, in their place, I would have come back to us, to leave the past in its place, and start again on something more serene, without necessarily talking to each other but to show that I will have overcome all this and that the disappearance of Amanda will have changed my view of this family problem.

Claudia sighed. Michael had a lot of resentment towards his parents. She had understood recently that it was for her that he had continued his job in the army, to ensure a bright future and to ensure that their future children do not miss anything. And his daughters had not missed anything. But this gulf between him and his parents would be difficult to reclose.

C: You have your own way of thinking, and you have your values that the army has brought you. You do not really know what they thought. You were shaken by your father's words and you made a decision without thinking about it.  
M: I have always been like that.  
C: Hmm ... that's wrong.

Michael looked at her with incomprehension.

C: Since we've been together, I've always pushed you to think before acting. And it was you who told me after a few years after our wedding that you should never act in anger. And you always made sure to calm down before making a decision, except that day.  
M: But ...

Michael sighed.

M: You're right. I do not know why my father's words made me so angry.  
C: I'll tell you why. Because your decision was made not out of anger, but out of love. You did it out of love for me and your daughters. At that moment these words surprised you, you were not angry, but stunned by what you had just heard. So you hung up on the only thing that seemed to you most important, the love you have for me and that you had for Amanda and Emmalin at that time.

Michael lowered his head. Claudia was once again right.

M: That's right ... but still it's beyond my strength to call them.  
C: Go see them, write their ...

Michael stared at Claudia with spite.

M: Claudia ...  
C: Okay. Excuse me. Let's stop talking about it.  
M: Thank you.

Claudia took a shower and went back to bed. She was sitting to check her blood sugar. She lay down next but felt Michael take her arm and turn her towards him. When she found herself in front of him, she smiled at him. Then she tenderly laid her lips against Michael's.

M: Thank you.

Claudia kissed him again, then they went to bed and fell asleep quickly. The weekend passed quickly and Claudia's parents left delighted with their stay in Fort Marshall. They had thought of getting closer to their daughter. But not knowing where she would be with Michael when he retired, they would wait.  
The following week, Claudia felt ready to start going back to work. Since the support group's actions were often in the morning, she was working part-time in the afternoon. She had concluded with Grant that for the moment she had only simple files that would not take too long to manage. At 6 pm each day, Grant asked her to go home. This so that Claudia does not stay in the office at night and she regain a good rhythm. She thanked him for helping him and continuing to do so. Gradually she resumed her pace, everything was going for the best, and all was bad memory. Michael was so happy to see Claudia as before. Everything became normal and they found their habits. The fears they had towards the other gradually diminished and they had the impression to have found the serenity and happiness of their first years together. They were happy. For Emmalin everything was going well, the final exams were approaching and she had been selected to pass selections in two important teams of the country.  
In mid-March, Claudia thought back to the conversations she had with Michael. One weekend she watched as he watched television. She went upstairs to their room. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. We picked up.

C: Hello I ... I'm sorry to disturb you but ... I'm Claudia Joy and ...

At the end of the line, we hung up. Claudia was surprised but deep down she was not too surprised. She dropped her idea for weeks to come.  
At the end of March, however, when that day she was coming home early from a FRG morning meeting, the phone rang.

C: General Holden's residence?  
D: Hello I ... I'm Donna, the ...  
C: Michael's mother ...  
D: Yes ...

Claudia could not believe it. But she was relieved.

C: Hello. I am relieved that you call me back.  
D: When you phoned home, it was Daniel who dropped out and ... he did not tell me right away, but this call made him anxious. We were afraid of bad news.  
C: You can rest assured, Michael is fine.  
D: Okay. So why did you try to reach us?  
C: Because I think it's important for your son.

Claudia insisted on this last word.

D: Did he tell you anything?  
C: Let's say he ended up telling me what happened 10 years ago.  
D: He never told you anything?  
C: No But lately some things have stirred up those memories and he needed to talk to me about them. And I thought it had been too long since it had been buried in rancor, anger, fear. Michael suffers inwardly. I ... I would like to invite you to a weekend at home. Come talk with him, no matter what comes out of it, the purpose of the discussion. We must put cards on the table, make a clean sweep of the past and move forward.  
D: I'm not sure it's a good idea. I confess that I will be alone, I will do it immediately. But for my husband, all this may be a source of conflict between us.  
C: Tell him to accompany you, if he does not want to see us, he can go to a hotel in Charleston. And he will not be forced to come and talk to Michael either.  
D: I ... I have to talk to him.  
C: Of course. If he wishes to come anyway, you will be welcome both at home.  
D: That's very kind of you, really. I wish I could take my son in my arms one last time before leaving this world.

This phrase touched Claudia deep inside herself.

D: Why are you doing this?  
C: For Michael and a little for you, his parents. Since ... since we lost Amanda, we see life differently and ... we wish we could have hug her one last time before she left us. You must see your son again and discuss with him.  
D: And Michael agrees with that?

C: He is not aware of my approach. And for him to react, I have to put it before the fait accompli, otherwise he will never dare to do it.  
D: Are you sure he will react well?  
C: He will not react well, it will be a shock for him. But I know him by heart and I know how to make him react and precisely a shock, it is what he needs to understand and to question himself to advance.  
D: You seem to know him so well.  
C: We've been together for 25 years, so yes I know him well.  
D: I'm glad he's happy with you.

Donna sighed.

D: Listen, I'll talk to my husband and I'll call you back to keep you informed.

They hung up after a good day. Claudia was happy with this call. She knew it could make things happen. If Michael's father did not want to come, she promised to do everything possible to take Michael home. The same evening, when Michael came home from work, she would have liked to share with him all that but did not do it, for her good. She waited two long weeks. Meanwhile, Michael had really forgotten what he had told Claudia and had given back to the past what had happened, without rethinking. And since Claudia had never spoken to him again, he thought all of this would be behind them. It was without counting on Claudia's obstinacy.  
One morning, the phone rang again at the Holden's. Claudia answered. She was surprised to hear the voice of Daniel, Michael's father.

C: General Holden's residence?  
Da: Hello, I'm Mr Holden.  
C: I ... hello ...  
Da: So how is he now general?  
C: Yes, but ... I guess you did not call me to talk about him.  
Da: What did you put in my wife's head?  
C: She's the one who called me back. So we talked and I told him my way of seeing things.  
Da: You should never have called.  
C: Perhaps, but in this case know that the next time I dare call you, it will only be to announce the worst news. So there are only two solutions.  
Da: The current solution suits us. Why do you want to organize this?  
C: For my husband first and foremost because I love him and I wish him to be calm in the face of this situation.  
Da: You will understand that we have no interest about us ...  
C: You can do it for your wife who I think wants to see her son again and understand.  
Da: That's right, but she'll have nothing to gain because she'll be fooled by him. It's thanks to me 10 years ago, we managed to finally have serenity without anxiety at home.  
C: At first glance may be, but I am sure that deep within you is wrong, and that you would like to understand why your son left without even trying to argue.

Michael's father had always been very hard on his sons and his wife. He knew he was always right and for him the blame was always on others. He had never questioned himself and had always had a lot of authority and power over people. With his three other sons he had not been so hard, because they had somehow followed the voice that their father had chosen for them, he had accepted his daughters-in-law, all had settled near their home and had had the same accommodation ever since. He had then enjoyed his children and grandchildren. But nothing had happened the same with Michael. He had always been very good at school, and had always been the most discreet of siblings. This, although he had very good character. Knowing his father's reactions, he had never contradicted him, he had never reacted badly, disobeyed. In college, he had informed his father that he wanted to be a history teacher. His father had accepted this idea and was already proud to have a teacher in the family. He was proud of his four sons. Just after high school, he had the opportunity to go to West Point. He had talked about it with his father. West Point was a very good university and military school. Without seeing further, Michael's father had congratulated him for having a very good record to be able to claim to be received there. For him his son would have the best educations and instructions of the country. So Michael had sent his request and had been received. He was one of the best of his class. But already Michael's father had realized that his son might not continue on the voice of teaching. So he had put him on the right path every time. He had forbidden her to choose the army in the end. Michael had received the lesson. By his classes at West Point he had understood that the army was very difficult, and that he could not stand the harshness of this trade, with all that that included, being alone on a base, away from his mother and his brothers. Simplement en dernière année, on lui proposa un contrat de 5 ans, avec à la clé une bourse pour faire l'école qu'il souhaitait. Ses parents n'ayant que peu de moyens avaient pris cette occasion comme un signe pour leur fils d'arriver à pouvoir être professeur. Après en avoir discuté avec son père, Michael fut autorisé à faire ses cinq premières années. Mais voilà qu'à l'automne 1988 il avait débarqué à Harvard. Il avait alors rencontré Claudia et elle était devenue sa vie. Il avait alors longuement réfléchi. Mais l'autorité de son père l'avait convaincu de ne faire que cinq années dans l'armée. Simplement Claudia avait accepté de vivre avec lui, ils s'étaient alors mariés et Amanda était arrivée. Michael avait alors réfléchi. Comment pouvoir prendre soin de sa famille au mieux avec un emploi de professeur ? L'armée leur promettait la gratuité des écoles jusqu'au lycée, et prendrait en charge tous les soins médicaux de sa famille. Il pouvait alors la mettre à l'abris du besoin. Il pensa même au pire, et compris qu'avec cette prime que les familles touchaient après la mort d'un soldat, Claudia et sa fille, sans savoir que Emmalin les rejoindrait ensuite, serait à l'abris jusqu'à la fin de leur jour. Mais ce choix-là Daniel ne l'avait pas accepté et finalement ne l'avait jamais compris. Le père de Michael avait alors pensé avoir raté l'éducation de leur dernier fils. Et il lui en avait voulu de ce choix. La mère de Michael avait alors vécu souvent avec l'angoisse de savoir son fils dans un pays en guerre. Et après avoir contenu autant de colère en soit, tout avait éclaté il y a 10 ans. Daniel se remémora tout ça. Il prit alors la décision de venir. Il viendrait, pour dire la vérité à son fils, lui montrer que tout était de sa faute, et qu'il avait été indigne de son père, de sa famille. Simplement, il ne pensa pas que Claudia serait là, et que la personne qui recevrait la vérité, et qui comprendrait que tout serait de sa faute ne serait que lui-même.  
Claudia était contente d'avoir réussi à convaincre les parents de Michael de venir. Elle organisa alors cette venue sans lui en parler.  
Mais elle avait besoin de se confier. Elle le fit à Denise et Jackie chez qui elle alla boire un thé une semaine plus tard.

D : Tu as réussi les faire venir ?  
C : Oui, mais maintenant je doute de tout ça.  
J : Non tu n'as pas à douter, tu as bien fait. Peu-importe ce qu'il se passe au final, le principal est qu'ils se parlent. S'ils repartent fâchés, tu n'auras rien à te reprocher.  
D : Peut-être que tout ne sera pas résolu ces jours-là mais peut-être que ça les fera avancer.  
C : Vous avez raison. C'est juste que j'ai un souvenir du père de Michael comme étant tellement dur. Je m'attends à ce qu'il le soit avec Michael et qu'il s'en prenne à lui comme à chaque fois.  
J : Il a toujours été comme ça ?

Claudia acquiesça.

C : Il a toujours pris les décisions pour tout le monde. Je pensais qu'il m'appréciait malgré être aussi froid à mon égard. Au final ce n'était pas le cas.  
J : Je ne comprends pas, ils ont accepté votre liaison, votre mariage, la venue d'Amanda et d'Emmalin … ils ont attendus 10 ans pour réagir ?  
C : Michael a toujours eu beaucoup de caractère. Disons que ses parents pensaient peut-être que l'armée ne durerait pas. Je ne peux pas vous dire pourquoi, puisque je n'en ai jamais su plus que ça.  
D : Ecoute, tu vas être là, près de Michael. Et je sais que tu auras les bons mots, les bons arguments pour que la discussion se passe au mieux.  
J : Mais oui Denise à raison. Tu es avocate, tu sais plaider pendant un procès.  
C : Tu parles, j'aurai l'impression d'être à mon propre procès et celui de Michael je pense.

Elles rigolèrent.

D : Bon sang il vaut mieux en rire les filles !  
J : Claudia, en étant sérieuse, tu as toujours été quelqu'un qui a privilégié la parole pour résoudre les problèmes. Il n'y a cas regarder combien les gens t'admirent ici.  
C : C'est gentil. Thank you.  
D : Non Jackie a raison, tu ne t'es jamais énervée, tu n'as jamais haussé la voix, mis à part quand cela était nécessaire, et là tu feras pareil.  
J : Quand arrivent-ils déjà ?  
C : Dans une semaine.  
D : Michael n'est toujours pas au courant.

Claudia nia de la tête.

C : Et il ne le sera pas.  
J : Vraiment ? Ce n'est pas un peu risqué ?  
C : Ce qui est risqué c'est de le prévenir. Je le connais par cœur. Il réagira mal et appellera ses parents pour leur dire qu'ils ne sont plus invités.  
D : Ecoutes, tu as toujours pris la bonne décision concernant ta famille et concernant ton mari, donc c'est que tu as fait la bonne chose. Laisse venir, tu verras bien.  
J : Denise à raison, ne te stress pas avant, cela ne servira à rien.

Claudia acquiesça. Elle fut rassurée de la part de ses amies. La semaine qui arrivait était spéciale pour elle. Non seulement, elle recommençait à avoir de gros dossiers au travail, ce qui était un gros challenge pour elle, surtout avec tout ce qu'elle avait vécu. En plus de cela, elle devait préparer la venue de ses beaux-parents, sans que Michael ne se soucie de quoi que ce soit.  
Le jour tant redouté arriva. Ce samedi matin-là, Michael ne travaillait pas. Claudia pensa alors que tout serait sans doute plus compliqué. Mais finalement tout se déroula peut-être mieux que prévu. Michael était parti courir. En rentrant il monta prendre une douche. Claudia lui monta un café et il s'installa pour lire un peu et profiter du calme de ce weekend. Lorsqu'on cogna à la porte.

C : J'y vais.

Claudia descendit dans l'entrée. Elle souffla un bon cou. Donna et Daniel entrèrent dans l'entrée.

D : Bonjour Claudia.  
C : Bonjour. Entrez, et bienvenue chez nous.  
D : Merci d'avoir permis tout ça.  
Da : Effectivement, cela nous permettra de faire comprendre ses erreurs à notre fils.  
D : Daniel, ne commence pas s'il te plait !  
C : Je …

Claudia comprit que le weekend serait sans doute difficile. Elle prit sur elle pour cette fois, mais elle se promis ne pas avoir d'état d'âmes envers le père de Michael. Et ce dernier serait sans doute surpris dans les heures à venir. Elle souffla un bon cou. Et elle appela Michael.

C : Michael, chéri, tu peux descendre s'il te plait, des personnes souhaiteraient te voir.  
M : Tout de suite. Qui est-ce ?  
C : C'est-à-dire que … je préfèrerai que tu voix par toi-même.  
M : C'est encore Emmalin hum ?

Michael descendit les marches.

M : Tu me fais encore une …

He had just arrived at mid-level. He had just seen his parents. He preferred to look immediately at Claudia. He joined her in the entrance. He was in shock.


	9. Chapter 9 - Questionning themselves

Michael came down and turned to Claudia.

M: Honey, how ... you explain why I'm not aware?  
C: Michael, I thought a lot about our discussion and ...  
M: This same discussion that I think?

Claudia nodded.

M: I was sure you would do that, so strangely I'm not surprised but ... Claudia you should have warned me.  
C: And you would have agreed?  
M: Of course not ...  
C: So that's why I did it without talking to you about it.

Michael did not know what to do. It had been an eternity since he had not seen his parents. He felt like he was facing strangers. Finally this complicated situation with his own family had never been resolved. Everyone had wanted to stay on his side. He was lost.

M: Can I talk to you?  
C: Yes of course ...

Michael took his wife's hand and took him with him to the garden behind the house. It was quite mild in this month of April. Michael's parents, who had stayed in the hallway, walked to the kitchen and arrived at Claudia's office where they could see their son and daughter-in-law talking.

M: Claudia, it was not a good idea.  
C: Michael, I know you're not comfortable with this situation. And me either, believe me, when they arrived I did not even know if I had called them sir, madam or by their first names. So I think for you it's more difficult.  
M: Honey, it's not about that. It's just that 10 years ago, all communications became impossible with them. Remember, even on their granddaughter's funeral day, they did not come to talk to us.  
C: That's why everything has to be like before. Honey, I had that kind of trouble myself with my mother.  
M: Claudia, your mother to accept your choice of life, she adores me and she loves you more than anything. You managed to find a beautiful relationship but deep down you were not angry. It's more complicated with my parents.  
C: I know. But they are not eternal. One of the women soldiers of the base has lost her parents lately. She lost the pedals because, because of her marriage to a soldier and her army life, she barely saw her parents living in California on the other side of the country. And she told me that she regretted, that she should have gone to her children, to have them come on vacation here while there was still time. But she was too busy with what the army is imposing on us. I then realized that I did not see my parents often. And I thought of you, who is angry with them for 10 years. They can leave us tomorrow, and unfortunately you will never have the opportunity to smooth things over, to know how they feel all this time.

Michael had tears in his eyes. Claudia was right, but everything was above her strength.

M: Honey, you're right, as always. But they rejected me.  
C: I know all that. But if they have come, it is in the depths of them that there is still some regret.  
M: Maybe ...  
C: Michael, did you have a complicated period with Emmalin hum? You did not talk anymore, and yet you did not reject it. And Emmalin thought you hated her ...  
M: You may be right. But it's been so long.  
C: Too long. Honey, realize, they have not been aware of your hostage or your coma. I ... and if I had to warn them that their son was dead?

Michael looked up.

C: We lost our daughter ... the pain we felt at that time would have been the same for them.

Michael received this sentence from his wife as an electroshock. He had always thought of Claudia and Emmalin when he had almost lost his life on several occasions, but never to his parents. Claudia put a hand on her husband's cheek. This gesture brought him out of his thoughts. For their part, Michael's parents were surprised at what he saw. They noticed that since their marriage, Michael and Claudia had not changed their way of doing things, that they always had the same gestures, the same attentions. They were touched to see that, even though they did not talk about it.

C: Michael, how are you?  
M: Yes I ... I just reacted that I've always been sad for all these years that I missed with Amanda and Emmalin. Never will it be caught up.  
C: Sweatheart ...

Claudia stroked her cheek. Michael put a hand on his wife's.

M: But these 10 years will not be caught up with my parents. They never saw Amanda again ... she was 13 years old the last time she saw her grandparents. Emmalin never saw them again. Even if we can not be reconciled, we have to talk.

Claudia nodded. Michael stared into his wife's.

M: Sweatheart, what will I do without you?

They kissed and then took each other in their arms. They stayed against each other. Then they detached themselves.

M: But not today. I have to think, rethink all that. But tomorrow I'll go talk to them.  
C: Okay. I will talk to them for today.  
M: Thank you. I love you Claudia.  
C: I love you too.

Then they returned. Michael sat down at his desk, he had reports to read. Claudia joined her in-laws. She took them to the little summer salon. They sat down. Donna, Michael's mother spoke up.

Do: He does not want to talk to us?  
C: Yes, but not today. It was stirring to see you here again and everything shook in his head and difficult memories came to the surface. You have to give him time to ...  
Da: The weather ... it's been 10 years that he has time ...  
Do: Daniel please. We did not come here to blame him for anything. I want to talk with my son. At the time no one understood our respective choices. I need to explain with him and find him.  
Da: Sa is not my son anymore ...

Hearing this, Claudia felt bad for Michael. So she hoped that with these words, her father-in-law would change her mind.

Do: Daniel!  
Da: Since the day he went to West Point I knew something was wrong. And I'm sorry to tell you about Claudia, but from the day he came to introduce you to us, I knew we were losing him for good. You took our son ...  
C: Listen, I know that coming back and seeing us as much as I do also things for you. But I did not take your son. He decided to join the army alone. When we met him and I we loved each other, from the first day. So yes we got married, we had children, but the life of the army, the moves, the missions, the difficult returns, all that, you would have lived, with or without me. I remind you that deployments and removals have been more than difficult for me and his daughters. And ... he has come close to death many times. And you know, I was deprived of my husband for months and years that I could not catch up with him. The army took my husband during this time, it was the army that took your son. But the army was his choice and we must accept and respect him.

There was then a big white. Then Claudia spoke again.

C: Everything has changed since the day Amanda left. You know, my dad phoned me often. I was much less close to my mother. So the day she came here, I talked to her and we ended up. You agreed to come, I think you want to fix things.

Michael's parents listened but they had in mind Claudia's words.

Do: Why do you say he's close to death several times?  
C: The last time he came to see you, he was leaving for a two-year mission. Thank God everything went well and he came back safe and sound. Then he stayed 4 years at home. But he had to leave on a mission. It was very difficult for me and for Emmalin to live. One day we came home and told me that Michael was missing. He had been kidnapped by rebels in a helicopter crash that he survived. But during his captivity he was tortured and ...

Claudia caught her breath. Remembering all this was too much for her.

C: It's thanks to his status as a general that he escaped.  
Do: Why did not you call us?  
C: Because Michael had made me promise to do it only if the worst happened.

Michael's parents were shocked. Claudia then explained the accident last year.

C: Last year he was deployed for two weeks. We thought nothing could happen in two weeks. But his vehicle was the target of rocket launcher, it was projected several meters before falling on another vehicle further.

Claudia had tears in her eyes. She looked in turn at her parents-in-law.

C: He fell into a coma for an endless month. I was so afraid of losing him. So it does not matter how resentful your feelings are. We do not know what the future holds. I do not know if he will have mission orders again but as a military woman, we do not know if our husband will come back or not. And if I learned something well it's to enjoy every moment that life gives me at its side. So talk with him, tell yourself things. No matter how it ends, but do you speak.

Claudia watched them then stood up, remembering her painful moments was difficult for her.

C: Excuse me.

She went upstairs. Michael joined her, having heard that she was going upstairs.

M: Honey, how are you?  
C: Yes, it's just that ... explaining to your parents your hostage and your coma, it reminded me of bad memories.

Michael took her in his arms.

M: Okay. If their presence should put you in this state, I still prefer that they leave.

Claudia broke away from him.

C: Michael, it'll be fine. And you have to talk to yourself.  
M: I know.

Claudia informed him to go back downstairs. The latter remained in their room to think. Downstairs, Claudia invited her parents-in-law to go upstairs through the stairs in the entrance. She led them to the guest room.

C: You have the bathroom on the landing.  
Do: Thank you Claudia.  
C: I'm just asking you to borrow only the stairs from the entrance at the moment. This will avoid crossing you with Michael and will probably avoid tensions already present enough.  
Do: Of course. Thank you for hosting us.  
C: If you had gone to the hotel, Michael would never have gone to see you and vice versa I think. It's the best solution. I would prepare lunch and dinner tonight, but maybe we'll have our meals separately.  
Do: As you wish.  
C: I'll talk to Michael tonight so he can talk to you tomorrow.  
Da: Because he needs courage to come talk to his parents now?

Claudia boiled from the inside. Daniel was responsible for what happened 10 years ago. But apparently himself thought that his son was. She then put him face to face with the truth.

C: Listen, if you're not ready to question yourself, what are you doing at home?  
You allow yourself to criticize each of my words and put Michael in charge every time. Do you realize that everything is your fault? 10 years ago, who gave an ultimatum to his son asking him to choose between his job and his parents? Who to dare to ask him that without really knowing him? You did not know how important this job is to him. Do you realize that the army is not only Michael, but it's me too and Emmalin? Ten years ago, I was president of the support group, and my obligations increased with Michael's promotions. To renounce the army, had also obliged me and my daughters to renounce our lives. But that, you probably have not thought about it. Do you think it's simple perhaps to live with a soldier? Do you think that you were the only ones afraid to never see him come back, to tremble every time he told you he was going on a mission? I am his wife, and if 10 years ago, he left, was because he wanted to keep his life and kept our balance, my balance, that of our daughters. Do not think it was a pleasure, to be his wife, to see him go for a year, two years, to be afraid every day to see the officers who would announce the worst, to have to live normally during that he risked his life every day in a country at war. But in this case there are only two solutions. The first is not to support this life and to leave, but I could never imagine leaving Michael, we can not live without each other. But this is the solution you chose, and he preferred not to see you again and continue to live his family life in the army, with me and with his daughters. The second is to love the person you have in front of you, to understand your choices and to accept all that, for love. And that's what I did. During those 25 years, I have continued to love your son, to support him. We are all for one another and this is what has allowed us to be as seamless and happy as ever since the day we met. And you his parents did not get there? Yes I did not understand the choice he had made that day, and yes I wondered why he did not discuss and why he preferred to leave. Everything could have been different, but if you knew Michael well, if you knew how much he loved me and how important I was to him, you would know he would leave. So if you want my opinion, think about what you did and why you did it because everything is your fault. We do not deny a child on the pretext that he is not doing the job we wanted for him. Michael is there near us living. We lost Amanda and never again will we be able to talk about her future job with her. Yes the army is scary, and yes we are afraid for our soldiers. But they too are scared, Michael first. He has always been afraid to leave me alone, not to come back but it is thanks to the love of families that soldiers overcome this. And you instead of supporting it, you annihilated it that day. Because you have thought of yourself, of your fear; but did you think for a single second of the sadness, the pain you did to him in inflicting this choice? I will be ashamed of you!

No one spoke. Claudia had said what she had on the heart. Michael's parents did not know what to say to that.

C: Tomorrow, Michael will come to talk to you. But he told me one thing. What he wants is to know why. It does not matter if you can reconcile or not, he just wants to know why. And he told me that if the discussion ended badly, he will scratch you completely out of his life. So it's up to you to see what you want.

Claudia left her parents-in-law in their room. She went back to her room and went down to the kitchen by the stairs leading directly to it. But Michael came out of the room at that time. He took her in his arms.

M: I'm so proud to have you close to me.  
C: Me too Michael but ...

Michael pulled away from her.

M: I heard you raise my voice with my parents, I opened the door to listen. You ... you told them what I had on my heart. I never thought you'd talk to my father that way. You must have touched him in his pride.  
C: It was the goal. Since they arrived, your father has not stopped being cynical. He did not stop lowering you. I let it go initially but after all came out of a neck. I can not stand this kind of behavior. I think he does not realize how lucky he is to have all his children still alive near him.

Michael knew that Claudia often made the connection with their eldest daughter. He kissed her on the temple.

C: I think all these words will have pushed him to the bottom of his heart and perhaps will allow him to be able to discuss with you properly tomorrow.  
M: Honey, he has always been like that. Nothing will change it today.  
C: Because he has not finished having to do to me! I'm going to prepare the dinner.

Claudia went downstairs to the kitchen. She was surprised by what she had just said. She just hoped all this was the desired effect.  
After having lunch, Claudia went upstairs to put away a little. When she got to the top, she heard voices raise her voice. She realized that Michael's parents disagreed. She listened a little.

Da: No! You know very well that he was never like his brothers, he always disobeyed!  
D: But he wanted to live his life! Can you understand that?  
Da: The role of parents is to guide them in the right way! Is it your life to risk it every second by going to countries at war? Who ? Who gives this to his parents?  
D: But open your eyes, thousands of men and women are soldiers, serve our country and work for our protection. Your son is one of them!  
Da: I already told you not to use this word anymore, it's not mine anymore!  
D: He became a three-star general! Are you aware of what this represents? He is one of the best soldiers in the country! We missed his promotions, his mission returns! Which parents do this?  
Da: How many times do I have to tell you? This is no longer our son, so how should we ask ourselves this kind of question since we are no longer his parents!

Claudia realized that the days to come would be complicated.

D: I have enough! Part, if you do not wish to arrange anything with him but I want to get my son back! And thanks to you it is very possible that it never happens!

Claudia heard footsteps, she realized that Donna was going out, so she went quickly to the room. She came out with a basket of laundry. She crossed Donna on the landing.

C: Is everything okay?  
D: Yes. I ... I decided that things were changed. But my husband is not ready to understand his mistakes.  
C: Then Michael to make him understand.  
D: Thank you for what you do Claudia. You should hate us and instead welcome us here to your home.

Claudia smiled at him and nodded silently. Donna left the house to go for a walk. Later that afternoon, Claudia joined Michael in his office and closed the door. The latter had closed all the doors so as not to see his parents.

M: Are you all right?  
C: Yes ... and you? Are you going to stay locked up all day here?  
M: Claudia, please.  
C: No, honey, it's a beautiful weather outside. Your mother is out and your father is still in their room. Come with me ... it'll do us good.  
M: My mother is out?  
C: They fought with your father. I think your mother realizes that she made a mistake by not interposing between you and your father 10 years ago. She regrets some things.

Michael sighed. This situation weighed on him. But he does not say anything to Claudia.

C: Come on ...  
M: Ok ...

They finally went out to walk in the base. This small outing was good for both of them. When they returned, they stopped at the door.

M: You were right, this little ride was nice.  
C: Honey, you have to stop worrying.  
M: Easy to say when the people you've been mad at for 10 years are at home.  
C: Michael ...  
M: I'm kidding. Thank you for being here. I do not know what I will do without you.

They smiled at each other. Then they kissed tenderly before hugging each other. It was at this moment that Donna, who was also returning, glimpses. Aside from her son's wedding, she had never really seen Michael and Claudia together. She understood at that moment why her son had chosen the army. She also noticed how much he had missed.  
The same evening, Claudia had prepared four plates. She dined with Michael, and his parents later dined together. Before sleep, Claudia wanted to put things back together and prepare Michael for the next day's discussion with his parents. She was taking her blood sugar when he came back from the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the bed, put his phone and chain on the bedside table. Claudia knelt on the bed and reached him. She put her arms on Michael's chest and will be against her. She kissed him on the cheek.

C: You must talk to them tomorrow dear.  
M: Claudia I ... I know but ...  
C: It's not easy for me, believe me. To see them come back in our life makes me a little scared.  
M: Fear? But why ?  
C: And if they could make you change your mind? If reconciling with them means that you come closer to them and walk away from me?  
M: Claudia ...

He turned around and took Claudia's hands in his. He stared into his wife's.

M: It's impossible and you know it.  
C: No, I do not know exactly. 10 years Michael, for 10 years you did not speak, even at the funeral of Amanda. So how will I know what will happen?

Michael smiles.

M: Honey, you know very well that if I continued my career in the army it was because I had you with me, otherwise I would have stopped after five years. We went through everything you and me and you think that because I could resume the dialogue with my parents I will get away from me?

He shook his head.

M: You've always been my priority, you're Claudia all my life, and that will not change.

Claudia smiled at him.

C: Ok.  
M: Now, I do not think we'll get closer to them and me. And I do not know if discussing will be the best solution.

Michael released Claudia's hands and turned to adjust his alarm clock. Claudia put her arms around him and put her head against Michael's.

C: That's the only solution we have today. Are you worried, huh?

M: Yes, yes I'm anxious because I'm afraid the discussion is not going forward, that to blame things we do not find answers to our why ... My father will ...

Michael sighed. Thinking back to his father's words, he ends up not wanting to talk to them anymore.

M: All that will not help.  
C: Honey, you have to do it.

Michael began to get angry.

M: No, I have no obligation to do so. Do not you remember the words my father used to me? I no longer exist for them!

Claudia will be against her. She spoke almost whispering for Michael to calm down.

C: If that were the case they would not have come. Michael, your mother has suffered from those long years away from you. I think it must have been hard for her to live. To know that his son is a soldier, that he has been deployed for two years, and that he will be deployed again afterwards, without being able to say a "I love you" when there is a risk of him do not come back ...  
M: What are you talking about?  
C: When you went on a mission, no matter when, we always said we loved each other before you boarded. I remember the "I love you more than anything in the world, never forget her" when you left 5 years ago. If something had happened, I knew you would never stop loving me. I knew I missed you and you knew that I loved you more than anything every time.  
M: Not for my mother ...  
C: No, if she had learned the worst of the news, for her, you would have gone away just thinking that your parents had rejected you and that for them you were no longer their son. So living with that fear every day without knowing where you really are, what you do, it must have been very complicated for her to live.  
M: Yet she was on the side of my father's words ...  
C: She did not want to get angry with your father. We both know that he has always been very tough with her, as well as with you and your brothers especially when you were young. She was afraid that he would leave her, and she would have ended up with nothing.  
M: Maybe ...  
C: Honey, I do not know what you thought at that moment, these are just speculations about what you told me. It's like the fact that you left without even trying to talk to your father to calm him or make him understand things.  
M: That's right ... but deep down there was always that distance between them and me. It's like I'm expecting it, as if unconsciously I knew I just had to leave.  
C: Then there must be a deeper explanation than that, but I do not have the answer, your parents have it.  
M: Surely ...  
C: You'll know tomorrow. It's late, we should sleep. And then do not we say that the night brings advice?  
M: Yes, but I doubt it works for me.

They broke away.

C: Good night honey.  
M: Good night, sweatheart.

They kissed to conceal their words, then fell asleep. The next morning, everything rushed at breakfast time. Michael's parents were out for lunch under the pergola. They saw Michael come back from his jog. The latter did not give them a single glance. He went up to take a shower. Claudia was having lunch in the summer lounge, she was drinking her tea. She then saw her parents-in-law outside. She had an idea. She took her cup and went outside; she arrived quickly at the pergola.

C: Hello, how are you?  
Do: Yes, thank you Claudia.

Claudia came to sit in front of her parents-in-law. She took a sip of tea and put down her cup.

Do: We just saw Michael come home, he came out early, a Sunday?  
C: That's part of our habits. He must do his physical training every morning of the week. He is not obliged on the weekend but when he is stressed or anxious, he goes running.  
Da: Still, he leaves you alone in the morning, even on weekends.  
C: It's a matter of habit and trust. It's important for him and it's for his good. Why would I forbid him to do it? I have my own activities, sometimes at the end of the day, so I come back after him. It's our organization, our life.

Daniel did not know what to say to Claudia.

Do: You seem to have a nice relationship both, with a good balance between your professions and your private life.  
C: Like every couple we had our ups and downs; but that allowed us to acclimate to every change in our lives.  
Do: Surely, but you look so close ...  
C: Fusional?  
Do: Yes ...  
C: That's the case. But we have been since our meeting, nothing has changed since.  
Do: I feel like I missed a lot of things in my son's life ...  
Da: Of course, his career choice is the cause, and you know it.  
C: I ...

Everyone then heard Michael call Claudia.

C: Honey, under the pergola.  
M: I'm waiting for you inside.  
C: No, come on please.  
M: Honey, not ...

She cut him off.

C: Michael ...

The latter sighed. Claudia would not let go this time. He had a few seconds to prepare for what would follow. But even with months of preparation, he would never know how that moment would unfold. He joins Claudia and sits next to her. Claudia took her hand, she crisscrossed her fingers with those of her husband. She gave him a discreet wink. Michael understood that she would be there, that she would temper things, that she would make sure that it did not degenerate.

How are you ?

Michael nodded.

C: Well ... I think it's time to tell each other things.

There was a white.

Do: Michael, why did you leave 10 years ago?  
M: Why? You ask me why?

Claudia tightened Michael's hand. The latter calmed down.

M: Do I need to remind you of the words that were said to me?  
Do: I know ... but I did not understand why you did not try to discuss before, that you made this decision without even turning around.

Michael found Claudia's gaze. It gave him the strength to say things.

M: But because I thought of the only person who was the most important person in the world, my wife.

Daniel raised his head. At that moment, Michael's parents did not understand where the discussion was going.

M: To think only of you, you never understood why I chose the army. Do you think it's as simple as life maybe? Yes, I wanted to do only five years, have my scholarship and become a history teacher. Simply, I did not plan to fall in love.  
Da: Love is a weakness, and you've been like an idiot.  
M: It was a force for me.

Michael stared at his father, and then stared at him.

M: My marriage with Claudia did not change my mind again ...  
C: You mean you knew you would leave the army, but you never told me about it ...  
M: Because you know that I never wanted to worry about anything in advance and that I always made sure to organize things correctly before talking to you about it.  
C: But why did you change your mind?

Michael found the look of his parents.

M: During these first years with Claudia, it is she who helped me to overcome the difficult training, the first missions. I realized that without her I would not have even signed my end-of-study pledge after West Point. We had a year left before leaving the army. But Amanda has arrived. It was a nice surprise for us, but it's true that we had not planned a child so early. Life is well done because Amanda was a real gift. Everything pushed me to think. What future did I offer him with a simple professorship? Claudia could not finish her studies; she preferred to follow me, out of love. I wondered if a life in the army would not be the best way to give my family a good life.  
Da: Leaving 1 or 2 years sometimes and leaving them alone? You have always been egotistical!  
M: Do you think I did not think about it? Meanwhile, my salary and my bonuses have allowed us to have a good lifestyle, Claudia and girls have never lacked anything. But what I thought first was what would happen if something happened to me. I knew that because of what families are going through in a soldier's death at the front, my family would be safe for the rest of their lives. And that's what kept me going, putting my family away at all costs. I ended up adoring this job, which has become a passion. Claudia supported me, which allowed me to overcome everything. Our love has always been as strong as since our meeting, and give us the means to build our lives. So how did you think I'd leave Claudia and my daughters, just because you did not support the job I was doing?  
Do: Why not tell us?  
M: Because my opinion and my way of thinking never counted.  
Da: The one and only time I let you choose, you made the biggest mistake of your life!  
M: Why would it be a mistake? Look at the life I managed to have! Unless it's bothering you, my standard of living is higher than it's worth!  
Da: And what a level, having betrayed his parents and brothers!

Claudia realized that the tone was starting to rise.

M: I preferred to protect my family! Some preferred to destroy theirs!

Claudia kissed Michael's hand. She caressed his forearm. Michael found his eyes. She knew that Michael could get excited very quickly and in this situation everything could degenerate in no time. She tried to restrain and calm him.

Do: Understand us, we were afraid for you!  
M: But why react after so much time? All the parents of soldiers are worried, are afraid for their children. All do not give them an ultimatum like that!

Claudia realized that the dialogue was not constructive. So she intervened in the discussion.

C: You do it on purpose?  
Da: It's not me who flees whenever the discussion escalates.  
C: Do you realize that you have imprisoned your children? You have always wanted to control them and feel superior to everyone. Have power over your family, your children, and your wife so there is only that which interests you? Michael wanted to take control of his life ... and there you did not have any power over him. You did not endure it, that's the one and only reason why you gave him this ultimatum.  
Do: Claudia is right!

Daniel did not know what to say to his daughter-in-law.

Do: Michael has always been the one with the most character. Our other children followed literally the life you had planned for them. Fortunately for them, they like the job you practically imposed on them. But Michael has never been like his brothers. That's what you try to make him pay!  
Da: Make him pay for a good education? It's a little contradictory, no?  
Do: Listen to me! I did not come here to leave Monday morning without having recovered my son. I know very well that nothing will be like before, that he will not come to live near us, and that it will be a long time before I see my four children gathered near me.  
Da: You're hoping for nothing Donna ...  
Do: You rotten Daniel's life!  
Da: Sorry?  
Do: Claudia is absolutely right. You have always guided us, you have always wanted to have power over us. And I realize that in the end it's what I suffered, not the absence of Michael due to his job. All that has happened, and what is happening today, is your fault!  
Da: Donna, you know very well that ...  
Do: There are two solutions Daniel! You think and understand what you are told, and I come back with you. Or do you continue with this deplorable behavior against Michael and Claudia, and I ask for a divorce!  
Da: Sorry?  
Do: You understood perfectly! I'm sick of obeying your orders. I have the right to have my opinion and to act as I wish! So you see!

There was a white. No one dared to speak. Michael was stunned at the reaction of his mother. This is the first time he has seen her contradict her father.

Do: Michael, know that I did not agree with your father that day.  
M: But you did not say anything, you tucked behind him!  
Da: Because she agreed on the bottom! Should I remind you of those days, those nights of anguish when we knew he was on a mission. Those days when you told me that you regretted that he was not near us like his brothers?  
Do: Maybe he chose what he wanted to do with his life.

No one dared to speak. Until Daniel tries to understand his mistakes too.

Da: You ... did you really make that choice for Claudia?  
M: And yes, as well as for my daughters. How did all this bother you? Normally parents are happy that their children have a life they like.  
Da: What are you trying to tell me?  
M: You too wanted to control us!  
Da: Do you control?  
M: You have always chosen for us! You chose which friends we could go to celebrate their birthdays, you chose our schools, you decided which friends we had the right to have or not, you chose the job that each of your four children should do. Maybe if I had not met Claudia everything could have been different but I decided to take my life in hand because I wanted what would make me happy.

Daniel was beginning to understand how he really had been with his children. He also realized that nothing and no one had taken his son. All the choices Michael made was for his family and for his family.

Da: The army has cut you off from your own family anyway ... are you aware of all this?  
M: It was a price to pay.  
Do: Daniel, Michael is happy with his job and his family here. Every parent should be happy about that. On the contrary, you humiliated him, hurt him ...  
M: You all hurt me. With your words and your behaviors. To see that my own mother did not react, and that my brothers did not deign to hear from me ...

The discussion dragged on, and no one wanted to assume his mistakes. Claudia spoke again.

C: Listen, I think everyone needs to think about all that. However, the current situation has arrived because of everyone's fault. It would be wise to understand it. Even if no one is ready to apologize or forgive, it is time to question.  
Da: There is too much resentment for that ...

Daniel got up and went back to the house.

Do: Claudia is right. We all made mistakes. Me first having always followed your father even if I did not agree. And my biggest mistake was not to remember the day you left. And for that Michael, I'm sorry.  
M: I blame you for not reacting that day. I know that everything has always been difficult for him to succeed in making your point. But I was disappointed with your behavior.  
Do: I can not blame you for that.  
M: That's why it will take time to accept what happened, even if I know that you were not interested.

Michael got up, followed by Claudia. They went inside. Michael settled in his office. Claudia sat in the front sofa.

C: It's a start ...  
M: I know. But I realize that I am not ready to excuse them by leaving all that aside.  
C: That's why we have to go to the end of the discussion Michael.  
M: I think that will not lead to anything.  
C: In this case you will be fixed.

Michael dived into his wife's gaze. She was absolutely right. If the discussion leads to nothing, it would be fixed and know that nothing would be possible with his parents.

M: You're probably right ...

Claudia sighed.

C: Honey, talking about error. I wanted to apologize for the mistake I made that day.  
M: What?  
C: I remember when you came back, you were shot. With the deployment that was coming I knew that you were also absorbed in your mission and that your mind was already on the ground. So I did not bother you more than that, we did not talk about it and it was a mistake on my part.  
M: Claudia, you never made a mistake. Nothing is your fault.

Michael got up, he joined her on the couch.

C: Of my fault no, but we should have discussed as we do for everything. And I will have made sure that this quarrel with your parents passes before you leave.  
M: It's more than a scramble Claudia ...  
C: 10 years later yes because everyone stayed with his point of view.  
M: Claudia, do not think that like that. You did not apologize because you made no mistake. That night when I came home I was shot, but I did not want to talk to you so as not to worry. I was leaving for two years, remember. The situation was difficult to manage for us and for girls.  
C: Okay but ...  
M: No, Claudia, I'm serious. Tell yourself that you have made no mistake and are convinced.

Michael took his wife in his arms. At that moment they felt a lot of love for each other. Michael felt like falling in love with her every moment of the day. To see that she also felt responsible for this situation, when it was not so, touched him.

C: Thank you honey.

Daniel came downstairs again at that moment. He wanted to go outside. He sees Michael and Claudia in each other's arms. The latter had not seen him. They broke away.

M: Thanks to you for always doing everything in your power to do good around you. I love you if you knew.

They kissed tenderly before hugging each other again. For Daniel it was a shock to see them still as in love as the day of their wedding. Within a second, he really understood what had become of his son, and that his choice for the army had really been made out of love for Claudia and her daughters. He went out. Donna called to him. She came to him.

Do: Daniel, you must be aware of everything that has happened and the mistakes made by each of us.  
Da: I thought it was a fad.  
Do: What are you talking about?  
Da: His choice of the army ...  
Do: Why a fad?  
Da: I always thought she was the cause of all this ...  
Do: Claudia? But of course not !  
Da: What ... that she was with him because he was a soldier, because she thought about having all the benefits that Michael is talking about.  
Do: Daniel, he fell in love with her. But he remained so discreet that it was difficult to know exactly what it was.  
Da: He made that choice really for her. I had not measured the magnitude of their feelings for each other.  
Do: What did he make you think?  
Da: I just saw them both. I was plunged back almost 25 years, the day of their marriage.  
Do: I know, it made me funny to see them as much in love and fusion as that day.

Daniel sighed. Had he really made a mistake? His son had chosen his life, his family.

Do: Try to realize what he's become ... a three-star general of the army of our country. It is a prestigious position. He is the leader of this base and all the soldiers who are here. He has loved a woman for almost 28 years, and they both built something beautiful. I know it was hard to admit but Claudia's parents also had a hard time knowing their daughter alone on a base while her husband was I do not know where in the world. Were we scared, worried? Yes of course. Would we have liked to have it near us with his brothers? Obviously. Did we fail in our parenting role with this ultimatum 10 years ago? Yes.

Daniel raised his head.

Do: It would have been easier to tell him our fears. He could have reassured us. Put yourself in Claudia's place for a few minutes. She's been living since she's with him. She had to overcome difficult things alone when he was injured, in a coma. He was able to find the words and they overcame that together. He was right when he said that all the parents of soldiers were worried about their children.  
Da: My act was thoughtful though.  
Do: Yes, but you have deliberately cast your anger on him. But you were for the wrong reasons. He did not choose the army because of weakness. Because the love he brings to Claudia has always been a strength for him, he told us. You were mad at this and against her. Speaking to our son about all this would have avoided this catastrophic situation. I know you've never been very good at talking softly, but Michael was an adult and he deserved a little more respect and was allowed to speak.

Daniel left in silence walking in the base. Donna went back to her room. The house was very quiet. The afternoon had already passed. Claudia was worried. Michael's parents returned the next morning at the first hour. And the situation had not really changed. At least what she thought. In the afternoon, Claudia had been to see Denise. Daniel had gone outside after lunch. At the end of the day, Michael went to his office. He wanted to check his emails before going back to work if there was something important. Daniel returned at that moment. He saw that his son was at his desk. He walked a few steps. Donna was coming down at that moment, she stopped when she saw the scene. Claudia was coming from the kitchen, she saw her father-in-law right behind the office couch. His heart was racing. Michael looked up. He saw his father a few feet away. Claudia felt that not everything would go well. She stayed close to Michael to intervene in the middle of their verbal battle if necessary. But not everything will happen as planned.


End file.
